“For everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt. Salt is good, but if the salt loses its flavor, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another.”- Mark 9:49-50
I read a short story recently with less than twenty lines. It was a simple anecdote about a teacher writing about a comment a student made regarding an older teacher.
One particular line struck me.
“He taught me how to overcome my fear of making mistakes.”
This phrase quickened my spirit. It dominated my thoughts. Education has been one of our focuses in the streets but not in the traditional sense. Commonly people tend to say that education will help a person secure a good job in the future. We don’t talk about this with our children. We have seen enough of reality here not to make such dubious promises. However, we believe that education is necessary for our children because it is good in itself. Almost all the homeless children and teens went to school for a short period. They have been successfully taught to be fearful of school. They are not opposed to learning, they are just weary of being taught. I can understand their resistance. I remember learning a second language in school and the only thing I acquired from the experience was the fear of making mistakes. The disappointed look on the teacher’s face and the obvious lack of interest and patience in teaching me have tainted my desire to learn for years. I was instilled with a fear of making mistakes. Then later on in life, I learned to speak the very same language fluently without being taught in a formal setting. However, I still have along way to overcome my fear of making mistakes.
Like everyone else, I have been making mistakes from the day I was born. I fell countless of times before I learn to walk. I even have a big bump on my forehead to prove it. I learned not to run into walls after this. It remains as a good reminder for me; mistakes are a necessary part of the learning process. However, along the way, well-intentioned people have instilled a lie into my thinking. The day I went to school, I was told that making mistakes was a sign of stupidity. Children who made less mistakes were graded better than the rest of the less perfect mortals. I got so paranoid about making mistakes that learning lost its charm. I wanted to learn but I was afraid of making mistakes which incapacitates the whole process. However, I consider myself fortunate. I was constantly surrounded by people who loved to learn and eventually they inspired me to become a learner. Interestingly, they never tried to teach me anything. They just inspired me with their love for knowledge and humility. Our children and teens did not have the advantage of having this kind of people around.
Playing games with our children has revealed to us the kind of education they received, not just in a formal environment but in general. Whenever one of them makes a mistake in a game of checkers or a card game, the others are quick to call the another an “idiot” or other degrading names. It took us a long time to stop this detrimental habit.
It was a trembling hand that triggered this series of thoughts. The hand belongs to Wallace. He is 22 years and does not know how to write his name. He has been to school when he was young where he learned to be afraid of making mistakes. So much so that he gave up trying. He believed that he was incapable of learning. He is not wrong in one sense. You cannot learn without making mistakes.
I wanted to ask him tons of questions about his schooling. I decided to refrain myself. I realized that questions only made things worse. It would appear as if I was trying to analyze him, as if there is something wrong with him. Besides, our kids are constantly bombarded with questions from the police and social workers and even random strangers. They don’t need us to do the same. I wanted to help him without asking questions. Finally, I decided to share my own fears of learning something new and how I am learning to overcome them. I told him that I just keep doing the same over and over again until I feel confident. I admitted that I still haven’t overcome my fear of making mistakes. Wallace tried writing for three minutes and then the trembling got quite bad and we told him that he can stop and try again tomorrow. We asked what he wanted to do next. He wanted to play a game and chat with us. He talked with us for almost two hours; a rare thing for this usually reserved young man but thankfully it is becoming more common recently.
“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”-Mark 9:42
I have always heard a narrow interpretation of this verse. It is always limited to some dreadful crime or act that is distant from the kind of acts regular people would commit. However, St. James in his epistle talked about a dangerous tool that we possess which is capable of making a person paralyzed spiritually for years. It is none other than our tongue. Wallace heard enough words from people around him and even from the media to make him feel useless and fearful of doing the most simplest thing. I know young adults who were sexually and physical abused when they were children. As adults, they are able to deal with the consequences of these heinous acts against them but these same adults still cannot overcome the hurtful words someone said about them. Our children call each other all kinds of degrading names when one makes a simple mistake. They were not born with these words. Someone gave them to them.
We cannot change the past. We cannot erase these words.
I cannot tell Wallace not to be afraid of making mistakes if I am afraid of making them myself. Perhaps, this is where making mistakes in our Portuguese helps. The children and teens know that we are not native speakers of their language because of our mistakes. We make them quite frequently. However, it doesn’t stop us from achieving our goal which is to be with them. We still are able to communicate fluently the things that we want to say to them. They understand us completely. They know that we enjoy being with them.
After our game with Wallace, he said that tomorrow he wants to practice more. He added that he wants to overcome his fear of learning with our help. I suppose this what Jesus means by being the salt of the world. Salt preserves a good thing in a world that tries to destroy it. Will Wallace rediscover his desire to learn? We are hopeful.
