Father, glorify your name. Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” The crowd standing there heard it and said that it was thunder. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not for mine.” John 12:28-30

As a Christian, I believe without a doubt that God indeed spoke. Those who claimed that it was thunder were just closed minded or, at least, that’s what I thought. They were the ones that Jesus mentioned previously; they have ears and yet they do not hear. I believe those who heard the voice of the angels. However, if truth be known, it is only on paper. If someone came up to me and said that they heard God’s voice spoken in an audible manner, I am more inclined to believe that they are confused. I would think to myself that they are just mistaken and most likely it was just thunder. I am not sure if I can honestly believe anyone who claims to have heard God’s voice audibly. Besides the world is replete with people who claim to hear God’s voice and many times, they only heard “thunder” and made the rest up.

I think that I might have just opened up a can of worms.

After all, I talk about God’s actions among the children and teens every week. Maybe it is all just “thunder” and I am doing some spiritual acrobatics to make everything look like God’s actions. Do I have any guarantee if the things I write about are real or are they mere wishful thinking? I am not sure if I want to go into this journey of self-exploration. Alas, the gospel text is leading me there.

In a way, it was a perfect week to contemplate on this. We spent the initial few days just sitting and waiting and no one showed up. The children and teens were around. They were busy. They were trying to get enough money to buy paint thinner so that they could spend the night getting high from it. We cannot convince ourselves that they are not coming up to us because they were doing something good. It was all bad. However, we have been doing this long enough to know that this is just temporary. We have had seasons like these and it will pass. Nevertheless, I have to be honest. The text above made me wonder if we are truly making any difference in the lives of these children and teens. Perhaps I am reading too much into their limited interactions with us. Maybe it was just mere “thunder” and I thought it was God.

I am not doubting our ministry here. I am merely questioning it. There is a difference. I think that I have just created another problem. Now it is incumbent on me to explain the difference. For starters, I don’t think that we are doing a useless task. I don’t believe that all this is a waste of time. However, I am questioning whether I am seeing things as they are or am I just imagining things so that I can go on from day to day? I wonder if I am really seeing God’s presence being manifested or is my mind just creating these narratives? It is not a bad question to ask. We talk about the Truth and it is pertinent that we ask ourselves such questions. God is present here. I don’t doubt this. However, I don’t want make Him make appear according to my fancy. I want to testify the Truth but I want to know if I am seeing the Truth clearly. I hope all this sounds confusing because it should. We are not talking about something finite. We are talking about an infinite God using limited vocabulary. It is bound to be confusing. However, I believe that it is still something that you can grasp.

Two days, no children or teens, no meaningful conversations. We were sitting and waiting and nothing happened. There was some thunder and lighting literally. It started pouring and we had to take refuge in a subway station before making dash for our home. I came home and there was a message. It was from Aline. I haven’t mentioned her name for years. We haven’t seen her for almost two years. She moved to a different area, still living in the streets but in another part of the city. Her message was simple and straightforward. She said that she missed us and asked if we could meet her which we did the very next day.

Aline grew up in an orphanage. Like most children in the orphanage, if they don’t have a place to go before they turn 18, they take to the streets. Aline ran away to the streets when she was 15. She is 20 now. We have know her for a long time. She was only one that actually had her birthday celebration in our home. I remember the day clearly. We told her that Mary baked a cake for her but it was in our apartment. She was hesitant to go at first. She confessed that she felt intimidated whenever she went to someone’s house. At the same, she was curious and it got the better of her. We had a great time celebrating her birthday. She did not appear to be uncomfortable in our home. We did have a very strong bond with her.

She arrived early and we were late. This is something different. She looked the same and no one would guess that she is 20. She still looks like a scrawny teenager. Her face was full of life and light. She is staying in a homeless shelter now. She wants to find a job. It hasn’t been easy. We asked her what she wanted to do with her life. She is an honest young woman. She said that she has no clue but she likes to clean. Maybe she can find work as a domestic help. We went for a short walk and she said that she wanted to see us more often. Mary thought about teaching her to make earrings. It is something Mary does very well. She liked the idea. We set a date for her to come to our apartment. She was happy when she said goodbye. She knew that she still had a place in our lives. We were happy that she wanted to be part of our lives.

Our relationship with Aline grew stronger when we had days where no one came to talk to us. Aline would stop by always to spend some time with us. She never liked to leave us alone. It is funny that she got in touch with us at a time when I was wondering if all these godly connections are just figments of my imagination. For a sceptic, all this could still be just mere “thunder”, or coincidences. He or she wouldn’t be wrong. Jesus never corrected those who thought it was thunder. He did say that those who heard God’s voice was for their own benefit. I guess I am never going to convince the “thunder people” of anything. However, we don’t hear God speaking to convince others that He is real. We hear His voice so that we know that He is really present in our lives. His presence makes our life richer.

We went the next day and sat and waited for the children and teens. They showed up and stayed with us for hours. As we got ready to leave, Wanderson said, “It is time for you to go already!” It was a good thing for him to say. It sounded like God’s voice to us or maybe it was just a “thunder”. It doesn’t matter. We know that it was for our benefit.