So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called. Then they called the blind man, saying to him, “Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you.” And throwing aside his garment, he rose and came to Jesus. So Jesus answered and said to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?” The blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, that I may receive my sight.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road. – Mark 10:49-52

I thought I had everything figured out. I was full of confidence when I left my house. I told Mary that I was going to visit the families in the “favela” near our apartment. We discovered the place by chance. It was a small community of about fifty families. They seemed friendly and open. I remembered feeling proud of myself, I don’t mean arrogance. It was the kind of pride that one feels before doing something altruistic. These people were lost and forgotten in this gigantic city and I discovered them. As I walked to this place, it felt like I was entering another dimension. The community was hidden under a highway bridge. To get there, I needed to cross a railway track which had trash scattered all over. There was stench from the rotting pile of trash. The municipal sanitation services did not recognize the existence of this community. They just had to deal with the ever growing pile of refuse. The houses were made out of flimsy scrap plywood. There was no running water. There were countless dogs and cats being chased around by countless laughing children. It is not the kind of place where joyous sounds are expected. The place invokes sentiments of abandonment and hardship. However, despite its appearance, the children were still able to find the time and space to laugh and enjoy life.

My first visit was with Dona Francisca. She was about my age. Life had been unfair to her and had made look her older than her actual age. I addressed her as ‘dona’ which is a term of respect in Portuguese. She deserved it. She was sitting outside her home smoking her cigarette while dismantling a discarded radio. She was trying to extract the copper. Her callous hands bore scars from the all injuries she sustained from her work. Mine were smooth and soft. She has been working since dawn and it was late in the evening. She managed to gather enough things to get at least $3. Just outside this place there was bakery where a loaf of bread costs more than that. We live in the most expensive city in South America. The amount she earned would not get her far. However, she knows how to survive with little. I stood there thinking what can I possibly say to this woman. My confidence had slowly dissipated. I wasn’t sure what I could say to this toothless woman who worked all day picking other people’s trash so that she could feed herself and her three daughters.

I didn’t say anything. I kept wondering what I was doing there. Maybe I should have just stayed at home. Then I asked her about her recycling activities. She shared about her day and the places where she went. I was interested and at the same time, I wasn’t. I wanted something more than just a friendly chat with her. I wanted to say something about God’s love and the gospel. However, I just drew a blank. She got done with whatever she was doing. Then she looked up and asked me if I could say a prayer for her and her daughters in their tiny little shack. I thought that this was my chance to feel a little useful. I wanted to say a beautiful prayer but unfortunately nothing spectacular came out. It was just a simple regular prayer. Then she said that there were few more neighbors who asked her if I could stop by their houses and say a prayer for them. I did it. I wasn’t impressed with my prayers but at least I am glad that I did not make a complete fool of myself.

I thought that I did not do enough. Nothing I did made the gospel clear, at least this is what I thought. I wanted these people to know that God loved them. Instead I just said some weak prayers. I went back to this place several times. Eventually our friendship grew stronger. On the Christmas of 1998, they came to our apartment for a festive meal. We invited our other friends too. It was quite an interesting mix of social classes. Dona Francisca and her neighbors were the last to leave. They wanted to take a picture with us to preserve the moment. Shortly after this, we were abruptly forced to leave Brazil, Dona Francisca got all her neighbors to put their money together and bought a t-shirt for me. I did not feel like I deserved it but kept it for a long time. I will always remember them. They are part of my eternal fabric. Several years later, when we returned to Brazil, we visited them. They were genuinely happy to see us. They said that we must really love them because we came back to see them.

The mistake I made was that I thought I had something to do with making the gospel powerful and meaningful. As if it was something within my capabilities to do. I learned a lifelong lesson sitting there with Dona Francisca. Instead of trying to be a beacon of the gospel, I should just let the gospel shine through my life. Our good news is not a bunch of words or a doctrine. He is a person. Our words can’t do justice to express the true nature of this Person. He has to manifest Himself through us. His presence gives people the courage to ask for the thing that they desire greatly. Dona Francisca did not need money or assistance from me. She knew how to navigate in this unjust and difficult world. She wanted to know if she was still remembered by God. She wanted to know if her humble household was a place where we could call out to Him. I am glad that I at least had the wisdom to keep my mouth shut and allow Francisca to say what she wanted. I could have ruined it by trying to cover my inadequacy with artificial solutions to problems that she had never asked for my help for.

It always amazes me when I read the gospel story about the blind man. It is not the miracle that impresses me. It is the fact that Jesus never assumed anything. He asked the man what he wanted. I would have thought that the answer was obvious. However, Jesus is a not fool because only a foolish person thinks that he knows what the other person needs in this life. We don’t know anything about what the other feels and senses in their body. Jesus sets the standard for us: never assume anything. It is good for us to humble ourselves and realize that we don’t know what the other person needs. Jesus asked what the blind man wanted. He got the answer. The blind man became his follower for life.

Dona Francisca just wanted me to pray for her so did the rest of her neighbors. Prayers in their household are symbolic for them that God is with them. Danyel asked if we could take him to a public library. Something that he could just do on his own, however, he wants to go with us. This was his way of knowing that he is not alone and can go to places that make him feel insecure. Gigi needed to get her documents. She asked for our help. It was something simple and she could do it on her own. However, she wanted to walk to this place holding Mary’s hand like a little child holding her mother’s hand. She wanted some motherly love.

The blind man yelled out to Jesus even though many thought that he should be silent. He did not care. He sensed the presence of Jesus and it gave him the confidence to ask. It takes a while for me to quieten my spirit to allow Jesus to shine through. Many times I am the greatest obstacle to the gospel. I think that I need to make the gospel look wonderful and powerful. In reality, all I need to do is to allow Jesus to shine while I just become small and invisible.

I am glad that I was in the “favela” even though I felt like a fish out of water. It was a reality that was completely different to my reality and I realized that I had no concrete answers to any of the problems. In the streets today, I feel the same way. The difference is that I am learning to be at peace with not knowing the answers. I just have to allow the Spirit of Jesus to come through my life. His presence will give the people the confidence to share what they desire. Until this happens, it is good to be just silent and wait.