We sit and wait..we sit and wait..we sit and wait. The children and teens come and go. Some never speak to us. Some talk with us. They become our friends. Sometimes drugs and crime snatch them away from us, disrupting our relationship. Thankfully, most of the time, this is only something temporary. Crime and drugs cannot overcome love. We have seen this before. We need to allow things to run their cycle. There is nothing concrete for us to do except to sit and wait.

Sometimes good people have asked us what do we hope to achieve with all this waiting? It is quite a hard question to answer. I am still waiting to find out. At first, I felt little uncomfortable saying this. Now, I have grown accustomed to waiting. Sometimes I see something unfold which makes me want to say, “This is it! This is what we have been waiting to happen!” However, I have learned my lesson. I need to be cautious. I don’t want to grab hold of the first thing that happens to just to show people that we are doing something worthwhile here. We have waited too long to just grab at anything that comes by. All this waiting had not made us desperate. Strangely it has made us more hopeful and joyful. We enjoy waiting for the children. They appreciate having someone waiting for them. Maybe God does not want us to wait for anything. Maybe He just wants us to be. I am not sure about this; we just have to wait and see.

Wallace found us waiting for the teens. Wellington was with him. We have known them both for almost six years. However, Wellington lacked the courage to approach us for a favor. He hardly did anything with us. He was always polite but hardly spoke to us. Among the children, he is known as “Neckless” because his poor posture. I have verified that he does have a neck. He is only known by his nickname in the streets but he wanted us to only address him as Wellington. Wallace was going to be advocate. Wellington thought that we would help him if Wallace put in a good word for him. His request was simple. He wanted to get all his documents*. He was in the detention center for selling drugs. Now, he is sick and tired of that life. As soon as he was released, he walked into a store almost randomly and asked the owner if he needed someone to run errands. He was honest with the owner and told him about his criminal past. Now he wanted a chance to work and leave all criminal activities in the past. The man decided to give him the opportunity. He has seen Wellington before. However, he needed all his documents to work. In Brazil, before you work, you need about five documents from different governmental agencies. The children and teens usually have none. They don’t even have their identity cards. Usually parents help their children to navigate through the complex bureaucratic process. For teens and children in this streets, the very idea of entering these government buildings paralyzes them.

We went to all the agencies with Wellington. It gave us a lot of quality time with him. He told us about his mother who is crack addict. She was never able to do anything for him. He had to fend for himself since he was a little child. Now, he wants to do things the right way. He was determined. He was grateful for our help and relieved that everything went well. He gave us a big warm hug for helping him.

A few weeks later, another teenager Renan came up to us. He had the same request. He told us that Felipe and Wellington told him that we could help him. Renan also found a job. He was going to deliver periodicals. He was another teen that hardly spoke to us. The most significant interaction I had with him was an altercation. We were doing an activity with teens and he kept interrupting to ask one of the teens for drugs. I spoke to him firmly not to interrupt, perhaps a little too strong. He understood that I was upset with him. He came the next day wanting to know if we would play a game with him. After a short game, he got up and left with a big smile on his face. He knew everything was fine between us. It was his way of apologizing. This was months ago. After this incident, he hardly spoke to us. Now, he wants to work. He wants a new life.

Renan asked if we could help with all the documents. He admitted that he was little unsure about doing it on his own. It was the first time he really opened himself up to us. We discovered a shy and insecure ten year old hiding in his 18 year old body. We went to the respective offices and the lady attending to us asked me if he was my son. It was a strange question. We don’t look anything like each other. Besides, a lot of social workers help people with their documents. Therefore, what was the difference in our situation? Perhaps, all the years of sitting and waiting has created some spiritual bond between us and the children that is apparent to those on the outside. I don’t know, maybe it is just wishful thinking.

Renan “reported” to Felipe that we helped him. Then we receive a call from Felipe. His infant son is in the hospital. Felipe just became a father and the child has transformed his life. He started work this week. He still hasn’t got all his documents. One is still missing. He needed our assistance. We met him and he told us about his new work. He is very excited that he has a job. The pay is extremely low; hardly enough to pay for two weeks of food. Felipe doesn’t seem to care. For him, this is a victorious change in his life. He is taking his first step in becoming a responsible father. Felipe is feeling hopeful about life, not just Felipe, but Wellington and Renan. They don’t have to beg or steal or engage in any criminal activity anymore. A new horizon has opened for them. They are going forward. They are doing it by helping each other. They carefully looked at all the resources available to them and created their own network of hope. They found their jobs on their own. They did not have a problem asking the owners stores for jobs because they have known them over the years. They begged or loitered in front of their stores. They did not have a problem approaching us to do the work of their parents. They have seen us sitting and waiting for them. They finally found a place for us in their network of hope.

Perhaps, we misunderstood this waiting part. We thought that we were waiting for something to happen but in reality, God wants us to wait for the children to find a place for us in their lives. They want us to be in their lives and thankfully we were there sitting and waiting precisely at the moment when they needed us. Today, we might be helping them face the challenges that they fear; tomorrow, it might change. We just have to sit and wait and discover what role we will play in the future. In the meantime, the waiting feels hopeful and joyful.

For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw,  each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. 1 Corinthians 3:11-13

Unconsciously we construct our world. We don’t choose the people that become part of who we are. We like to imagine we do but reality is completely different. All of us have had idols in our lives. People we imagined who correspond with who we are.  Eventually these people disappear from our lives and sometimes even from our memory. Their influences just seem like a phase in life’s ever-changing landscape. However, there are people who find their place in our lives without our knowledge. We don’t think about them until they are taken away from us. We feel a little disoriented when their absence becomes evident. It feels as if our foundation has been profoundly disturbed. We never realized that they were part of the fabric of our lives. We cannot explain how and why they are there. When they are gone, we feel something missing that can never be replaced.  

An accident caused a disturbance in our being. A young woman was no more. She was a young preteen when we met her. She hardly spoke to us then. Her parents were our friends and companions in our ministry. They introduced me to this ministry to the homeless children. Her mother played a principal role in Mary’s presence in Brazil. She wrote a simple phrase in a letter to Mary’s father; “We need a summer volunteer who loves children.” Mary said, “yes”, without any hesitation. We found ourselves in the same country doing the same ministry and the perfect environment for love to blossom. However, this post is not about how we met. It is about the young girl in the background that we hardly knew. Somehow she became a fabric of our existence. I don’t know how this happened. It doesn’t matter. It is just one of life’s great mysteries. Many people come and go and some just linger on forever. 

Our thoughts were occupied with prayers and concern the whole of last week. She was hanging onto her life. Like anyone her age, she had a lot to live for. She had a loving husband and a two year old son, not too mention her parents, siblings, countless friends and her students. Everyone cherished her deeply. She touched everyone with her contagious smile and enthusiasm for life. For us, she was always that young girl in the background. We never knew the person that these people have come to appreciate. 

We prayed and pleaded for a miracle. At the same time, our hearts were heavy because we know that we don’t always get what we want. She left this existence peacefully but she did not leave us empty handed. She gave us an intense desire to embrace our existence to the fullest. She lived her life to the fullest and most likely she did not even know it. This is one of life’s paradoxes. The best way to live your life to the fullest is by not trying to do it. Bethany just lived and allowed herself to be who she is. By doing so, she became a source of strength and joy to many. Now they know that the life she lived can never be stolen by death. It is going with us until we depart this space on earth. 

It is strange to feel an emptiness for someone whom we never realized was part of our lives. It even seems awkward to write such a sentence, almost nonsensical. Therefore, it must be real because real life is not always neat and tidy.  People can became part of our lives without being actively involved in our lives. Their simple presence is sufficient. Bethany did not suddenly change and grow up to be a wonderful person. She was always that person but she needed her time to bloom like everyone else. We met her in a time when she was still discovering her joy and peace. Nevertheless, we are glad that we are connected to her in a small way. Now her absence feels painful in our souls. It is good to feel this absence in our souls. It belongs us and us alone. It means that she was real to us.  

Bethany passed away on a Friday. On Monday, we went to the streets as usual. However, this time, Bethany went with us. She sat next to us and reminded us how to live; not to dwell on the non-essentials but just to love those that come to us with their hearts open to receive us. We respected the choice of those who did not have the time for us and focused on those who were ready to share their hearts with us. Such is life. Not everyone is going to love you all the time. However, there is enough reason to celebrate life with the few who love and cherish us.  

Danyel asked me to read from his book. He laid his head on my backpack and closed his eyes. He listened to the story and occasionally opened his eyes to make a brief comment. He stayed in this position for an hour. He was like a little child listening to his father reading to him. This is not work for me. It is a joy to sit and enjoy a young boy whom many forget to enjoy. I loved the fact that he rested his head on my backpack and made me read until my mouth got tired. Then, Felipe walked down the street and asked for our help. He said that he was looking for us all afternoon. He had some problems with his documents. It was something that could be easily done alone. However, Felipe felt secure with us. He did not want to do it alone. We spent about three days trying to sort it out. We didn’t mind it. We were able to spend time with Felipe and he was happy to be with us. It wasn’t work. It was just living our lives. It was enjoying and loving being with the children. They are not homeless children and teens to us. They are our friends and family. We don’t have any relatives in this country. We just have them. For now, they are our lives. Circumstances might change tomorrow. No one knows anything for sure. However, we can be sure that they become part of our existence. As for our existence here in this tiny planet among the vast universe, this is the only life that we know for sure. Life after death is something that we hope for but this life here is what we can sense with our whole being. This is where we discover the abundance that Jesus proclaimed. We have to learn to give our all to what is before us. 

I can’t really explain how Bethany has helped me see this. She just lived her life. I don’t want to transform her into a saint.  She was simply Bethany who filled the spaces available to her with joy. This is something we can all do. This is our path to discover life. She has helped us renew this desire for life. It is strange that it came through her passing. Life is indeed strange. Perhaps its beauty lies in its strangeness and unpredictability.