“And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to every one according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last.”
Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. – Rev. 22:12-14

Last year we hardly spent any time with Felipe. It is strange when you consider the fact that we were with him almost everyday for more than three years. It goes without saying, life was the primary cause of this disruption. A young woman threw his life into a disarray. She was his very first girlfriend. We can understand why he was completely enthralled. He hardly had any time for anyone except her. For a moment, we thought perhaps our time with Felipe had come to an end. It was quite sad for us. We had become rather fond of him. He was a positive presence among the teens. He was their conscience and moral compass. Nevertheless, like the rest of us, he deserves to be loved romantically. For this reason, we were happy for him, though, not completely. There is a selfish part in us that wanted to see him more often. Occasionally, he would look for us just to give us a hug. It was his way of letting us know that he missed us just as much as we missed him. Still and all, things have changed for him. Life has beckoned him to move in a different direction and it was a path away from us. It is a positive change for him and we have to admit this. It was time for us to allow him to find walk away from us.

Over the pass six years, we have been building close and intimate relationships with children and teens and then learning to let them go in the direction they choose. In Felipe’s case, it was something hopeful. Unfortunately, there were many relationships that slowly withered away because of drugs and crime. Young people we wrote and spoke about affectionately are now absent in our narratives. Hopefully, it is not permanent. They still linger strongly in our hearts and minds. There was Igor, Ruan, Gabriel, Bruno, Danyel, Dreyson and the list goes on. Some of them are incarcerated. Some have given themselves over to drugs. Some have become hardened criminals. Some have just disappeared. There are those who are still around but they are completely lost in their own world. They wander aimlessly not realizing that life is just slipping by. In spite of all these changes, our vocation remains the same. We wait for them in a place where they can find us. This is where Felipe came looking for us in the beginning of this year. There were some radical changes in his life. He is a father now of an infant child. He has spent most of life sniffing paint thinner and begging because he had no one but himself. Sometimes, he would deliberately contort his body to look like a little child to gain the sympathy of his donors. It was quite a fit because he is 6 feet tall. Now, he has a woman and her children and his infant child under his wing. He wants to be a good and responsible father to all the children. Unfortunately, he never had a father in his life. He doesn’t even know where to start. Everything was strange and new to him. He came to us and asked us for help.

It wasn’t for parenting skills that he need our help. He was intimidated by the common everyday things in life. These were things and requirements that he never knew existed. On the other hand, we just assumed that everyone knew how to deal with these things. I can’t remember anyone teaching us how to do these things. This is because we don’t remember. It was our parents who taught us how to do these simple and mundane things.

He found a job but he needed help to open a bank account. He did not even know where to start. His job hardly pays for a few week’s grocery. Nonetheless, Felipe wants to save something for his infant son even if it is a small amount. The bank officer asked him for his marital status, Felipe responded, “São Paulo” because in Portuguese, the term used is “civil status”. Even though he is ignorant of the term, his reasoning makes sense. Naturally he thought that he was being asked about the city of his residence. Felipe then laughed about it when we explained it. He is not embarrassed about his mistakes. He knows that we don’t judge him by his lack of understanding of bureaucratic jargon.

He doesn’t make enough to survive. His wife still needs to go out and beg for money to supplement their income. They make it with the little they have. All the children are fed. They keep their house organized and livable. Felipe teaches the other children everything he learned like drawing and even an interest in the Japanese language. They learn to have fun and laugh. The other teens from the streets occasionally come by his house to visit him. They see that Felipe has a sense of direction now in his life. He hasn’t changed. He is still the same kind hearted young man that used to be homeless like them. The major difference is that now he has to think about the little infant he holds him arms. He named him David, after his favorite personality from the Bible. Felipe used to read the Psalms together with another young man before they went to sleep in the streets. Today he holds David and kisses him each time he leaves for work.

Opening a bank account is not easy in Brazil. It takes several attempts and lots of patience. Thankfully, the endless time spent waiting gave us an opportunity to reignite our friendship with Felipe. The old friendship in the streets has died. Now God has resurrected new relationship that still bears the marks of the old. Nevertheless, it is completely new. Now, we have a different role to play in his life. He is no longer a homeless young man even though he still doesn’t have a home yet. His family are squatters in an abandoned and squalid building. It looks like a nightmare for us but it is home for him. Felipe has a different way of looking at things. His tiny room is a spark of hope. He is moving forward. He is right whereas we are just too used to luxury to see beyond precarious conditions.

Felipe looks at life from a different perspective. He once had nothing and now he has a family and meaning in his life. He wants us to be part of this new beginning in his life. We are the one of the few things he wants to take with him from the streets. He wants our friendship to accompany him as he walks into this new world that awaits him.

On Monday, we met Felipe in front of the public library to pass some documents to him. We asked him if he wanted to enter the library. He told us that he was walked pass this place all these years and never had the courage to enter. We walked in and Felipe was amazed at the number of books. He started looking at all the titles and found the Reference section. He asked if he could borrow any of these books. We told him that he could take out anything except for the books from the Reference section. “But those are the best books!” I was quite surprised to hear this. Usually, people would hardly look at this part of the library unless they are required to do so. Felipe spent most of his flipping through pages of books on languages, biology and everything that caught his attention. Afterwards, he told us that he would never entered this place in the past but now it was clear to see that he has discovered something new and special. He is not alone. We discovered something new and special this week too. It gives us hope that there are many more special things awaiting for us as we sit and fulfill our vocation that God has given us.

“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Sometimes we sit at the steps of the cathedral where we meet the children and nothing happens. Some of them are around but they don’t seem to be interested in us. They are too “busy”, the kind of busyness that has something to do with drugs. It is best to leave it at that. It does leave us on the steps where nothing is happening. I sit and wonder what am I going to write about this week. I don’t write to report about something. This is not my vocation. I write to reflect on God’s presence in our midst. Unfortunately, it is hard to reflect when nothing happens.

This is not entirely true. Something always is occurring. The problem is that my mind is focused on what I want to see. No doubt this is the problem. I am so fixated with one thing that I miss the obvious. Jesus warned us about this, “Do you have eyes, and fail to see? Do you have ears, and fail to hear? “ There are people all around me. They have always been here; the homeless adults in their different stages of intoxication, countless of “regular” people hustling to accomplish their mundane activities, a makeshift poor person’s fair where everything from old shoes to stolen cell phones are sold, tourists looking painfully foreign and vulnerable walking up and down the steps of the Cathedral and not to mention, the few dogs that belong to all the homeless but to no one in particular. Where there are people, there is always something happening. Jesus also told us when two or three gathered in His Name, He is always present. It can be argued that none of these people are gathered in His Name. It is true that they did not make a deliberate decision to meet at the steps for religious purposes. Most of the homeless are here because they have no where else to go. However, we are here because of Jesus. We are two people and so, Jesus must be here. I just need to stop looking for things that I want to see and open my eyes and ears to sense what God is doing in our midst.

Wallace came up to the steps. He had two huge bags. They have been gradually increasing in size over the past few days. He has been slowly accumulating some donated clothes and even bought a pair of old tennis shoes from the poor person’s fair. He sat himself next to us. He has been doing well this past few days. He is not allowing drugs to dominate his life like he did a few weeks ago. He has been doing his writing exercises faithfully. Albeit, he does it only for a few minutes a day. Today, he just wanted to rest. He was tired. The homeless are always tired. They have no place to rest their heads. Every place they choose to lie down permeates with noise and danger. They can never rest peacefully. Drugs help them to shut out all the fear and anxiety. Unfortunately, it also turns away everything that edifies their souls.

Our eyes rested on a woman who walked passed us. She always passes through at the same time. She is blind. This made her stand out to us although, for many, she still is one of the countless anonymous people that walk through this area. She manages herself so effectively that one could easily overlook that she is visually impaired. She has become so familiar to us without knowing her. Strangely, we also sense her absence on certain days. She has become part of our life without her knowledge. We noted some changes in her life. Soon, she will be taking care of a baby. Of course, we don’t know if it is going to be for the first time. We have never spoken to her. Wallace blurted out that she was not completely blind. She could see images but they are just blurry to her. In spite of this, she is able to do a lot of things on her own. I was astonished that Wallace knew so much about this woman, at least more than me. Apparently, she was not a complete stranger to him. The children and teens have spoken to her. We watch her walk by everyday. It is unlikely that we would ever speak to her. Wallace, on the other hand, refused to allow this woman be anonymous. He reached out to her.

Next day, we sat by the steps again, same as the day before. Nothing was happening initially. A young man came to us and asked us if we wanted to buy some candies that looked extremely unappetizing. He wasn’t disappointed when we refused to buy any. He knew that the quality of his product. He sat close to us and looked a little depressed. A homeless man walked by and asked us if he could sit next to us. He said that he was tired and just wanted to rest. He sat down next to me and said that there is no place to rest in this city. I am not sure if his statement was to be taken literally or spiritually but it is true in both senses. The young candy seller stood up and commented that there is so much injustice in this world that it is hard to find a place for any of us to rest here. He started talking about his life how he has to work a regular job and then sell cheap candies on the side to pay rent and eat. The homeless man added that he worked for a long time and now he has absolutely nothing except the clothes on his body. Two anonymous men with a tragic and difficult life who have no one to share their story. They turned their attention towards us. They did not want anything from us except for our attention. We had nothing concrete to say to them. Again, the word, “nothing” manifest its presence in this post. These two men wanted us to say something, anything. They were just tired from being alone and anonymous in this city. They just wanted to find a place to rest. They did deserve some words from us. We just agreed with them that life is unjust. Our accent gave us away and they turned their attention from their tragic life to our countries of origin. They shared that once dreamed about going to foreign lands. The homeless man even shared that he lived in Paraguay once. The situation was there was worse than Brazil. He married someone from there and she turned around and cheated on him. Now, he has nothing to dream about anymore. The younger man was just confused why we were living in Brazil when we could be in the States. For him, anywhere but Brazil was paradise. He was a simple young man who comes from the interior of the State of São Paulo. He came to the city hoping to find a better life for himself and his family. Now, he is on the steps of the Cathedral trying to sell enough candy so that he could eat and rest.

They did not expect to say some magic phrases that would make all their misery vanish. They know that there are no simple solutions in this life. Nevertheless, they seemed happy to just have a genuine conversation with someone. The homeless man said that one day he is going to make it. I am not sure what “it” meant for him. That wasn’t important. For a brief moment, he was someone to somebody. The young candy seller still looked depressed. Then, Wanderson showed up. We said our goodbyes to our new “friends” and went to do some activity with him. The homeless man was sincerely happy that we conversed together and he stood there for a minute trying to find something significant to say. Finally, he said in the little English he could conjure up; “bye-bye”. These simple words was his gift to us.

Jesus gives us a new and final commandment; “Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another.” The “other” is the person who spends his or her life in anonymity. This is really greater part of humanity which includes you and me. The media and even churches focus on the famous and influential people. Jesus dwelt among the anonymous ones like the blind lady who walks pass us everyday or the homeless man who has no place to rest. These people are the “other” that we are told to love the way Jesus loved us. These are the ones who need to know that even though they are anonymous, they are not insignificant. After all, this is the most important thing. I like being anonymous but I don’t want to be insignificant. Wallace made sure that the blind woman knew that her presence marked his life. She was a stranger but she did occupy a space in his life.

Jesus was quite specific. He did not say to love in some ambiguous manner. He is the model. He sought people who were anonymous: the “regular” people who are just trying to find a place to rest. Jesus went to where these people were and loved them. He did not wait for something to happen. He just loved them by letting them know that they are someone to Him. I have been waiting for something to happen but actually, God just wants us to love the other when absolutely nothing happens. Nothing occurs everyday. Love is not a tool for us wield in a moment of crisis. It is a lifestyle that brings healing and joy to those who trying to find their way in the everyday drudgery of life.

There is much to learn when nothing happens. There is much to reflect on God’s presence in the nothingness.

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” (John 21:15)

It was one of those days.

We made our way home feeling like we did something significant. We heard a “Yes” after enduring weeks of “No” from the children and teens. It has been a long time. It seemed like they forgot that there is life beyond drugs. For the past weeks, we only saw them staggering around with a plastic bottle containing paint thinner protruding out of their mouth as if permanently attached to it. This has become their drug of choice at this moment. Their lives revolve around this toxic substance. It provides an easy escape from the brutal reality that confronts them. However, not everyone or everything is against them. We don’t want them to reject the good together with the bad. We couldn’t help feeling that our long talks and valuable times we once had with them was slowly becoming a distant memory. Fortunately, we know that this is not true. They are saying “no” for now. Thankfully, their “no” does not have to strength to resist Life. Eventually a “yes” will spring forth. This is our hope. Today, we heard Wallace say it.

A few weeks ago, we could not even have a coherent conversation with Wallace. He appeared as if he just gave up on everything and completely surrendered himself to drugs. We felt like helpless spectators watching a scene of self-destruction. We did not have the tools or words to remedy the situation and we are supposed to be the healers here. We just stood there and watched him slowly slip into perdition. I made a feeble attempt and muttered some cliché like “don’t allow drugs ruin your life”. I wished that it was something deep and powerful. This was the best I could say at that time. It did bring a smile to his face. He understood what we were trying to say. Maybe this is more important that the content of the words. Today he came to us, all sober and clean. We almost had forgotten how good and pleasant he looked without the cursed bottle of paint thinner attached to his mouth. He had a peaceful semblance and accommodated himself next to us. He told us that he wanted a safe place from drugs. We were this place for him.

Wallace just turned 24 a few days ago. Maybe this has something to do with everything. He was given an opportunity to think about his life. He is an intelligent man. Even though he has spent most of his childhood in the streets, he never lost his innocence. He refused to engage in anything that would hurt another human being. He survives by begging. Wallace cannot imagine himself being anything else but a homeless person. It is not something anyone chooses voluntarily. It was something imposed upon him since he was a child. He never learned to read or write. On many occasions, we tried to convince him to learn to write his name. He would recoil in fear. He did not want to feel stupid or incapable. It wasn’t a question of pride. He just couldn’t stand another humiliating experience. This was the greatest obstacle in this young man’s life.

Today, however, was different. He told us that he was tired of feeling nervous writing his own name. He had enough of feeling stupid or inadequate. He asked Mary if she would teach him. This is the first time he has asked anything of this sort. It was as if he was the prodigal son who saw the pigsty for what it was and now has decided that it was time to make his way back home. Perhaps, some might think that I am exaggerating here. After all, he just wants to learn to write. This is just a simple thing for many. For Wallace, it is something significant. He wants to take a big step into the unknown. Something has given him the courage to take this step. Being here to see this unfold in his life ignited a joyful sensation in our souls. We don’t actually know why and can’t explain it.

Wallace stayed with us until it was time for us to go home. He seldom spends such a length of time with us. There was something special about everything today. Finally a “Yes” after a dry period of “No”, this was enough to make our walk home a joyful one. For some reason my eyes focused on a young man devouring a churro with exquisite joy. Personally, I can’t find anything pleasant about this elongated donut stuffed with sickeningly sweet fillings. However, I was mesmerized by this young person consuming it with such childlike pleasure that I almost did not recognize him. He was our friend. Our eyes met at the precise moment the last piece of churro was in his mouth. His reaction was one of embarrassment and surprise. He desperately tried to swallow the pastry so that he could utter something to us. It bought me a few seconds to appreciate the miracle standing before us. He has terminal cancer. He is going through some experimental treatment as a last resort. It has been a tough period for his wife and two year old child to adjust to this dreadful situation. However, standing before us was a young man far from death’s door. It has been months since we last saw him. There was so much to talk about over a cup of coffee.

He could live for two or twenty years. This is what the doctors told him. No one knows for sure how this treatment will work. This is his reality and he has accepted it. He is an artist and it was the chemicals that he worked with that caused his cancer. Now, he still paints without the death-inducing materials. The proximity to death has brought much life to him; one of life’s paradoxes. His faith has deepened and broadened through this experience. He is seeing the face of God in people especially in those whom he least expected. He shared about one particular artist who called him up unexpectedly. She was never close to him and did not even know about his condition. Her call was quite random. They went for a meal together where she shared with him about her encounter with God. My friend was taken by surprise because she was not the religious sort. Now, she goes to a church that is rich with rituals. Besides this, she has stopped doing art altogether. She had been a successful artist previously. She elaborated that her art was her attempt to create windows in the world to seek for God’s face. Now, she can see Him clearly in the lives of those around her. Her art has fulfilled its purpose.

Windows…This resonated with me. Perhaps it would be a perfect name for the ministry we do in the streets. There is a difference. We don’t create the windows. We discover them. Wallace, the children and teens, my friend, everyone around him that makes life beautiful and rich are windows. God opens a window in our world to reveal His Love to us. There are many open windows in this world. We just walk pass them without noticing it. A young man believing that he can learn new things even though he has been told otherwise his whole life. A dying young man living his life to his fullest and discovering joy despite the news of his imminent death. A former artist discovering beauty in things beyond her own artistic creations. Who knows how many windows I have walked passed without peeking into the beauty revealed.

It has been one of those days. We went to streets a little sad about how things were going in our ministry. We return home like the prodigal son with a new understanding how God reveals His love to us. His love is always there. We just need to recognize the windows and gaze into their beauty.

Of course, the greatest joy is then sharing what we see with the rest of the world.