Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” John 19:26-29

This particular episode disturbs many tender souls. It is not because of doubt. We can understand Thomas’ reaction to the news of the Resurrected Jesus. Most of us can easily identify with him. No reasonable person in their right mind would believe news like the Resurrection without some concrete evidence. What most people find disconcerting is the apostle’s ghastly request. He wants to put his finger in the wounds of Jesus. Some people tend to skip this part of the story. The details conjure up gruesome images in our minds. We live in a different reality than Thomas. He lived in a time where people were brutally executed in the presence of the crowd. Many times people were forced to watch the gruesome event. Death, blood and violence were integrated into the everyday life of Thomas. The people then were not as squeamish about things like that. They did not have the privilege of living in a sanitized environment safe from the raw brutality of life. Most of us are able to create barriers between us and these things. We are enjoy living in blissful ignorance and are happy to receive everything in a safe sanitized package beginning with our food and maybe even extending to our knowledge of the gospel. Thomas lived in harsher times. His doubts were perhaps harsher too. He needed to see everything in the raw. He was not going to settle for secondhand testimony which is, in reality, sanitized spirituality. He wanted to encounter personally the living Christ in flesh and blood whose body was bruised and tortured on the Cross. He wanted all his doubts to be erased directly by the Resurrected Christ. Thomas’ faith is not for the faint of heart. It is the kind of faith that demands our heart and soul. Underneath the doubts, there was a gradual faith brewing. It exploded at the moment of his encounter with the Lord. He was the first apostle to openly acknowledge the divinity of Jesus.

Jesus never rebuked Thomas. He told him that he did not need to doubt anymore. He understood. Doubting is the very essence of our being. It is impossible for us as human beings not to doubt. In this time of quarantine, I am constantly doubting everything. I am questioning if this is all necessary. I am not sure that we are doing enough. I am in doubt if this will ever end. There are scientific arguments to eradicate these doubts and yet I still have them. It is impossible to imagine trusting God whom we cannot see without doubting. Some claim that they never experience any doubts; I have met such people. I doubt their assertion. I think that they need to examine themselves.

Doubt does not mean that we don’t believe in God. Having faith does not mean believing in God. St James tells us that even the demons believe in God (James 2:19). Neither does faith have anything to do in believing the doctrines of the Christian religion nor any religion for that matter. There is a confusion about this. Sometimes I hear people who belong to a certain denomination who seem to be sure who is saved and who is not. All because their doctrine has given them this assurance. It claims to open locked doors which Jesus never opened for us. It is hard to explain what exactly is faith unless it is accompanied by doubts. We need to be honest with our doubts in order for us to be consumed by faith. In other words, faith is God’s answer to our doubts. However, if we never acknowledge our doubts, we won’t be expecting an answer from God.

Thomas had his doubts but he knew that God will answer them. The evidence is quite obvious. He stayed with the rest. At least, he was partially convinced that his doubts would be cleared. In a strange way, he had faith despite his doubts. He was not questioning whether Jesus was alive. He was questioning whether the Resurrected Jesus was going to reveal Himself to him. I think that this is the doubt of many saintly people. Usually they are the ones who doubt the most whether they are going to be part of God’s household. They know that God is good and able to anything. They are just not sure if God is willing to act in their lives. These people are saintly not because they are trying to get into heaven through good works. They are saintly because they realize that God has the complete freedom to do as He pleases. He has no obligation towards anyone.

I always thought that Felipe was saintly even when he was living in the streets. He was heavily addicted to drugs then. There were rumors that he even prostituted himself to survive. Despite all this, he was and is saintly. It is hard to explain. Recently, because of the quarantine, Felipe lost his job. Now, he was without any income for his family of five. He called me early in the morning to let me know what happened. He was not really upset. He just needed to share with someone. I told him not to worry. We were willing to help him. About an hour later, my childhood friend from Singapore called. God has graciously blessed our friendship by bringing us to live together in the same country after 30 years. He called to let me know that he and his wife felt in their spirit to help someone in these tough and strange times. They were thinking about Felipe specifically. Of course, they are know about him through our many conversations. Nevertheless, they were unaware that he had called early. They offered exactly what Felipe would have earned for three months. The timing was perfect. I met him later in the week and told him about it. He was silent for a while and then he said God has always put good people in his life to show that he is not forgotten. I recalled Felipe saying a similar thing when he was sleeping in the streets. He told me then that God always sends people to remind the homeless that He has not forgotten them. Perhaps, in the morning when Felipe called me, he had doubts about whether God has abandoned him. The answer came almost immediately. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the answer takes ages. Most of the homeless will testify to this also including our young friend, Felipe.

Being saintly is not living without doubts. It is actually acknowledging that we are never sure if we are going to encounter the Resurrected Christ in a way that would erase all our doubts. However, despite this, we are still willing to wait in expectation. Thomas waited. Not only did he wait, he made some specific demands because he was honest about his doubts. He needed some concrete sensorial proof. In reality, this is the only way we as human beings can overcome our uncertainties. We need to know for sure with our senses. Doctrines and theories are great when nothing is at risk. However, when we confront our doubts, we need something concrete to help us cast them away. Thomas’ request was appropriate for his reality. On the other hand, we live in a different historic space and time. Jesus does not walk on earth in flesh and blood anymore. However, His Spirit is here. Felipe made this demand to see God in His life. The Spirit met him where he was. He became sensitive to the presence of the Spirit ever since he lived in the streets as a little child. This has sustained him all these years.

Today, we have a challenge before us. We are living a strange time with lots of uncertainties. We can no longer depend on sanitized faith. We need to touch the wounds of Jesus figuratively. It has to be very deep and personal. The world is in turmoil and we need to bring Hope into the conversation out there. However, the world has had enough of doctrines and philosophies. It needs something more real and palpable. Therefore, it is time for us to bring something real that we can encounter with our senses. It is time for us to put aside our imaginary inventions of faith and meet the living Resurrected Jesus. Our first step is to be honest with ourselves. We have to be willing to face our fears and doubts. At the same time we need to have some courage to wait for the Resurrected Christ to present Himself to us. We are not as privileged as Thomas. He got to touch the wounds of Jesus in person. We have to be a little bit more attentive. We need to be like Felipe and discern God’s voice in those around us.

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. And they cast lots to divide his clothing-Luke 23:34

Recently, there was a scandal. A local doctor, who dedicated most of his life working among the imprisoned, did a short segment on a televised program on incarcerated transgendered felons. He interviewed them on their challenges and struggles being incarcerated in one of the most crowded prison systems in the world. One particular person shared that she found loneliness and isolation to be the most difficult thing to be deal with in prison. Her family had abandoned her. She has been in prison for 8 years and has never received a visitor. It is almost as if she has ceased to exist. The doctor moved by her thoughts asked if he could give her a hug. His spontaneous act inspired others to be compassionate. People started sending letters to this particular person. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, someone from a religious group took it upon herself to investigate and publicly expose all the details of the crime of this prisoner. Regardless to say, it was heinous and despicable in nature. The post claimed that this prisoner was not a human but indeed a demon. Not many would disagree with this after the reading the nature of the crime. Many, especially the religious people, took upon themselves to make sure that everyone knew about this. Like the doctor’s action, this negative campaign had a contagious effect. It inspired many to express their hatred and disdain towards the transgendered woman and the doctor. Suddenly, the doctor was portrayed as a villain for being insensitive to the victim’s family. The doctor decided to put an end to this. He made a video apologizing to the family even though he never did anything to offend anyone or condone any crime. Besides, he was not aware of the crimes of any of the people whom he interviewed. It was clear that he was emotionally devastated by the outcry. He said that he is a doctor to the prisoners and he knows that all of them have committed serious offenses. However, he is their doctor and not their judge. He hugged her because he thought that it was right thing to do at that moment. His sincere comments did not calm the furor of religious sector. I don’t usually follow scandals but the outcry was impossible to avoid. Unfortunately, I heard it through some of my friends who went to church regularly. They were scandalized by the doctor’s actions and claimed that he did something shameful. This is the world we live in presently. It is not very much different from the one where everyone yelled, “Crucify Him!”

They were the same ones who wanted Jesus to be crucified for not being all that they wanted Him to be. They are the ones who chose a murderer over Jesus. Not because they cared for the welfare of the former but because they hated Jesus. They did not understand Him even though they had acknowledged Him as their Messiah not too long ago. It didn’t take long for them to realize that He was not there to fulfill their personal and national projects. They realize that His will was not aligned with their will. He was not going to hate those whom they hate and favor those whom they favored. He was not going to speak the same language as the religious authorities of His time. He was a grand disappointment to the people and they could not forgive Him. He represented everything they hated and despised in this world. He was the opposite of them. They refused to forgive Him for being as such. Anyway, it was out of the question unless He showed them that He was able to do what they required. They demanded a sign from Him even as He hung on the Cross. They would forgive and believe Him if He showed them a sign. Their willingness to forgive came with a condition. In reality, it was not forgiveness at all.

In another time and another place Jesus said, “For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:20) One of the key elements that separates Jesus from the Pharisees is forgiveness. There was no room for forgiveness in the spirituality of the Pharisees. They were the most devout people in Jesus’ time. They never broke the Law. They never missed a sabbath. They were meticulous about their rituals and traditions. They even memorized the scriptures. We can be all these things and yet incite the crowds to shout, “Crucify Him!”

The reality is that if our spirituality does not exceed that of the Pharisees, the Kingdom of Heaven will be hell to us. It would be crowded with people that will make us feel uncomfortable. Jesus, throughout His ministry, has shown us that He invites those who are usually considered unworthy. He forgives without expecting repentance. In most cases, when the person understands what is being given to him or her, there is an inevitable change in their hearts. However, it is a change not for the world to see. The change may be obvious to us or it can be very subtle. The change is something personal within the soul of the person. It is impossible to receive God’s forgiveness without being changed or transformed. However, it is not impossible to receive His forgiveness and refuse to grant it to others. In this case, I am not sure if these people are like the Pharisees or worse. Maybe they are just just like those who shouted, “Crucify Him!”

In response to these words of hatred, Jesus responded, “Forgive them for they do not know what they do.”

Jesus did not say these words hoping that they would change their mind upon hearing them. The verses that follow this cry reveal that the people continued with their heinous activities without giving heed to His words. However, those closest to Him heard it. They knew a grave injustice has been committed. Like normal human beings, whenever we see such things, we can’t help but feel resentment and hatred building up in our hearts towards the perpetrators. However, we cannot allow these to take root in our hearts. If it happens, we will be just like the rest of the crowd. Forgiveness is the way. Jesus pronounced these words to reveal to us that God the Father is a God who forgives unconditionally. He has always been this forgiving God. Perhaps, it has not been clear throughout the stories written in the Bible. Nevertheless, Jesus makes it crystal clear that our God is a God who forgives unconditionally. If we want to follow in the footsteps of His Son whom He loved, then our path is a way of forgiveness. It is the mark that will separate us from those cried, “Crucify Him!” We have to forgive those who have allowed hatred to be their guide and motivator in this life. We have to learn to forgive without condition. This is impossible for us as humans. This is why we cry at the foot of the Cross. We don’t have the strength and courage to be like the One who hangs on this cursed wood. However, it doesn’t stop us from bringing our doctrines, ideology and convictions that promote hatred and unforgiveness to the foot of the Cross. Even then, we know deep down in our hearts that we are too weak to be like Him. All we can do is to look to Him and hear Him say that He forgives us too.

Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.-Matthew 26:5

The church bells rang on this Sunday morning. There won’t be any blessings of the Palms; no procession, no dramatic mood change in the liturgy. The doors of the churches were shut with a sign, “Closed until the Pandemic subsides.” Definitely the very first Palm Sunday of this kind. I hope that it is the last. This is going to be a strange Holy Week. All my life, this week has been a week of communal meditation and reflection on the Passion of Christ. This time we are confronted with something completely new. We are restricted and separated from each other. Suddenly, we realize how much we need each other’s presence and touch. Perhaps, it might help to bring a deeper understanding of the Passion. This is our Hope at least. We desire something good to come of all this.

The deafening silence of quarantine has hovered over our city for two weeks now. At first, I wanted to believe that all this was just an exaggeration. It turned out to be wishful thinking. The numbers of death in this city have been steadily growing. We are heading towards the 300 mark and less than a month ago it was just one person. Everyone is becoming aware that this ominous silence is going to be around for a while. The numbers of the infected are rising. Thankfully, the people haven’t panicked yet. The grocery stores are still stocked with food. We have everything we need for our bodies but our souls are yearning for our loved ones. They yearn for those who make our lives rich and fulfilled. The separation is painful even though it is necessary. Not many can stand it. Last weekend, some people ventured out of their homes. They wanted to pretend that everything was going to return to normality. They wanted to escape the tediousness of waiting but unfortunately, by doing so, they risked their lives and lives of their loved ones. However, I understand how they felt. They wanted to get a breath of fresh air. Then the numbers kept going up. The false prophets who said that this was nothing but a mere cold are exposed. Although, just this once, I wished they were right. We might as well accept it. It is time for us to walk in the valley of the shadow of death. Once, it would have been easy to say that we will fear no evil. Alas, times have changed. We can see death clearly. The disciples told Jesus at the Last Supper that they would be with him until the end. Then, when they saw death approaching, they fled.

The disciples could have left out this part in the gospels. After all, they were the ones who related the events to the respective authors. Nevertheless, they wanted everyone to know that they fled. They were not cowards neither were they unfaithful. To judge them as such would be unfair. They were merely humans like us. We want to flee when we are faced something dangerous or hopeless. The disciples fled but Mother Mary had no where to turn except to remain at the foot of the Cross. She had no where to go except to be with her son. The disciples fled but they carried with them a strong sense of defeat and guilt. We can never truly flee a situation. We always carry something heavy and burdensome in our hearts with us. In our case, we confined in our apartments. Our children and teens are in the streets. It seems like we are fleeing from a danger but at the same time abandoning the ones we love.

The disciples of Jesus desired to defend Jesus to the death. It was their fervent plan. One even made the effort by striking one of the arresting party that came to apprehend Jesus. However, the Lord put an end to it. He does not work through violence. The disciples were disarmed spiritually. They were stripped of all their resources. They had nothing else to offer to Jesus. Rather than standing by and feeling impotent, they decided to flee. They did not realize that Jesus did not really expect them to do anything. He knew that they would flee, after all, why wouldn’t they? He wanted to flee from the situation Himself if it was possible.

“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” Matthew 26:42

Besides, what could the disciples possibly have done? Their presence did not have any pragmatic value. Jesus deliberately chose his disciples who had very little influence in society. They did not have the necessary connections to put in a good word for Jesus. They were absolutely irrelevant to the authorities of their time. Their plea would have not changed anything. In other words, they would have been useless to the Lord at His most vulnerable moment. They knew this and this is why they fled. They did not know if there was something else they could have done.

This is the question we need to ask ourselves in this time. Is there something we can do that will make some concrete difference especially in this time we find ourselves? The whole world is in a melancholic state. The aftermath is going to laborious. It takes a couple of seconds to destroy something. Rebuilding or contracting something new takes a long time. We need to have the right foundation. Do we have the word to contribute to this foundation? We need to ask ourselves this tough question if not we might be tempted to flee like the disciples. They fled because they felt that they were useless to Jesus. They went back to Galilee, maybe back to fishing or whatever they were doing before they followed Jesus. We have more creative ways to flee today. We might become more religious and indulge end times theories that detach us from being a concrete presence in the world. Maybe even we might even venture into fatalism and hide in our respective corners. Some might be tempted to pretend nothing has changed and everything is back to normal. Well, something has definitely changed. We are made aware that we can’t control everything in a concrete way. We are made to realize that all these powerful kingdoms constructed over the years are being torn down by one microscopic virus. Therefore, we need to seek the answer to the tough question so we can have the courage to stay and face the Cross.

There was only one thing Jesus asked of His disciples during this time. He asked them to sit and pray with Him. They were unsuccessful at this task. Regardless of this, they did hear Jesus praying. They related it to us. Jesus prayed knowing that His circumstances would not change. He prayed so that his fears would not get the better of Him. He never got any answers from God. Maybe He did not need any. He knew what He needed to do. When He found his friends dozing off, He chastised them. Not because their prayers would made a difference for Him. He wanted them to be prepared. Perhaps, they would have stayed if they had prayed with Jesus. We will never know. However, one thing we do know is that any answer relevant we can provide will come through prayer and listening.

The disciples revealed their failure so that we won’t follow in their footsteps. We don’t have to flee but we need something to help us to stay at the foot of the Cross. Maybe we will discover it if we don’t fall asleep like the disciples. Jesus is calling us to watch and pray with Him. Let’s be attentive to His words.