So the last will be first, and the first will be last. Matthew 20:16

“The Loneliness of a Long Distance Runner”. Definitely not a very exciting name for a movie. Unfortunately, this was the only movie that was on that Friday night. In my teenage years, my father allowed me to watch TV only on Friday evening. It wasn’t because he was concerned about the content. He was a very thrifty man. The electric bill had gone up ever since we got the new black and white TV. Needless to say, this was quite a while back. TV was simpler back then; two channels with lousy options. Despite the lackluster movie name, I wasn’t going to give up my special time in front of the tube. I was pleasantly surprised. I was completely engrossed in the story. Since then, I must have watched hundreds of movies with exciting and innovative names. However, I forgotten most of them but not this one. The long distance runner remains in my heart till today,

The protagonist grew up in a time when the world was recovering from a war which devastated the country. The poor had become poorer. His father died from cancer as a result of the dangerous chemicals he inhaled while working in a factory. He left his widow penniless with a teenage son. She decided to seek a new mate, much to the chagrin of our young man. Eventually, she married someone whom the boy despised. His house was no longer his home. Instead, he found refuge among his friends who came from similar background. It didn’t take long before things deteriorated. He ended up in the juvenile detention center where he suffered violence and abuse at the hands of authority. His only solace was running long distances which he found to be peaceful and comforting.

His incredible stamina and speed caught the attention of the detention center director. He was an avid sportsman and wanted to acquire funding for an athlete program in the center. He immediately attempted to convince the boy to represent the reform school in a five kilometer race organized by the local private schools. It was his chance to show off to the upper crust of society his capabilities of reforming delinquents into what he considered worthy citizens. The young man accepted the challenge and trained himself to gain the respect of his director. Eventually, he became the apple of his eye. He was rewarded with special privileges and promised many more if he won the race. Everyday, while his fellow inmates worked in the factory, our friend ate well and rested and trained for the race. When the day came, he was by far the best runner. No one could keep up with him. As he approached the finishing line, he had an epiphany about what crossing the victory line meant. He saw his director was waiting at the end smiling with approval. This was his opportunity to gain the recognition of the world. Then images of his friends doing hard labor in the factories popped into his mind, then his father, his mother and her new husband, and the police abusing him mercilessly. He stopped running and just stood contemplating what to do. Everyone was confused. He just stood still as the others ran pass him and crossed the finishing line. The director left the scene disgusted. Our protagonist went back to work in the factories with his mates. I remember being devastated by his decision. I wanted him to experience something good for a change. Alas, he chose not to cross the line. I think I understand now. The first shall be last and he chose not be first in this world.

There is a great shift in Christianity in recent times. It used to be the faith of the “last” and now it has become a faith enamored with the “first” of this world. Our spiritual history is replete with saints who were born into wealth and then left everything to become the “last”. We still have their images etched on our stained glass windows. Unfortunately, their light has been slowly dimmed through our indifference. Today is more common to read Christian ministers quoting Bill Gates or Steve Jobs as an inspiration for successful lives than these saints, something I have been seeing quite frequently. If I shared a story of a homeless youth who lived a good life but nevertheless continues to be homeless and will be so for the rest of his life, there would be sadness and silence among those who hear this. However, if I were to say that a homeless man today is a millionaire and owns several up and coming businesses, there would be applause. I know this to be true because I was one of those who applauded once. I never bothered to consider the words of Jesus when He said that one could gain the whole but end up losing his soul. After all, the message of the gospel is not about helping someone become “first” in this world. It is about the unconditional love of God. Jesus was only concerned to reveal this Truth to us.

It is important to remember when Jesus walked among us He never engaged with the “firsts” of this world. He never consulted the top religious leaders of his time. He never praised the great military leaders and emperors of his period. Their roles and position in life was completely irrelevant to His ministry. On the other hand, he paid attention to the ones considered to be “last”; the ones whom no one wants to pick to be on their team. These are the ones Jesus chooses to be in his party. In fact, He made it a criteria.

“If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.” Mark 9:35

Those whom the world admires, the billionaires, politicians, actors, etc. are only admirable for those who want to be like them. They are the finishing line of this era. However, as Christians, they can not be our models by any shape or form.

In our ministry, I used to be like the director in the movie I mentioned. I wanted the children and teens to cross the line. I desired that they become first and be accepted in this world. Now, I realize the wisdom of the long distance runner. Being first in this world comes with a price. The people who are first tend to forget the struggles and suffering of those who did not make it first. They forget that everything they possess was not acquired by their own merit. They tend to believe that they are better than the ones perceived as “last”. Just what we read in the parable when the workers who were hired first complained and said, “These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” (Matthew 20:12) This is the same argument the older brother used against the father for accepting the prodigal son back into his fold. Those who are “first” in this world forget that they got to be where they are because of God’s grace. Nothing we have is due to our own merits. Everything comes from God. The difference between the righteous and the wicked in the Bible is that the former recognize this truth. Our concern with the children and youth is not that they become “firsts” in this world. We should not desire to the world to applaud them in this life. Instead, we hope to help them become like the long distance runner and stop before they surrender their soul to the false god of this world.

In this world, people are divided into “first” and “last”. In the Kingdom of God, our focus is on the generosity of God’s love which sees beyond this simplistic mindset of this world and loves people regardless of their successes and failures in this world. Just because one is successful in this life does not mean that they are blessed. The opposite is true also. Someone who is considered a failure in this world might be the one for whom Jesus is willing to abandon everything and search. Jesus likes to be among the “last” of this world. It is just the way He chooses to be.

Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if a brother sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22

Two brothers; one was 8 and the older one was ten when it happened. Their home life consisted of an angry violent father and the rest of family living in constant fear. Strangely, drugs or alcohol were not involved. One day he grabbed a rubber hose and attacked the brothers with it. Obviously, this was not the first time but definitely the most violent. The older brother did all he could to protect his younger sibling. His whole body was covered with welts and the father just wouldn’t stop. The mother was powerless to protect her boys. She was always the first to suffer. Their only chance of survival was to run into the streets and plea for help. They managed to escape and the police were called. The father fled the scene. The bruises on the older boy sufficed to anger the arresting officers. They were determined to apprehend their abuser. The brothers saw their father subdued and handcuffed. They felt relieved. Then, the younger one overheard the police officer telling the father, “You are going to get a taste of your own medicine in prison.” He told me that he would never forget those words. He wasn’t sure what to make of them. He did not want anything bad to happen to his father. He still loved his father despite everything. They lost him on that day.

The brothers eventually ended up in the streets. Even though the threat in their household was gone, something had radically changed within them. They realized that their home would never be a safe place for them. They loved their mother but also knew that she was incapable of protecting them. They decided to search for their own safe space. Ironically, living in the streets was the best option. Unfortunately, the older brother got involved with the wrong crowd and landed up in the juvenile detention center soon after. Regrettably, this brought him in contact with other teens involved in crime. By the time, he reached adulthood, he was already a seasoned criminal. He is presently in prison. The younger brother was different. He went to the streets only because of his older brother. He was the only person that made him feel safe in this world. When his brother was taken away from him, he found himself once again abandoned and alone in this world. He had to carve out a safe place for himself on his own. Thanks to his older brother, he never lost his belief in humanity. He always appreciated his brother’s sacrificial love for him. He was always open to trust people. Soon, he made friends in the streets who became just like his older brother. They gave him a sense of security. This is all he wanted. There were many like him in the streets. They wanted a safe place. Some of were young girls were raped or sexually abused by the very ones who were suppose to protect them from rapists and other sexual predators. There were those who struggled with their sexual identity and they suffered the most. There were those who don’t even remember the names of their parents. They were there in the streets wondering if there was anywhere in the world where they could feel safe and at home. There was none so they decided that the streets was their only option. They made the best of it and kept each other safe.

I thought reading the above gospel text about forgiveness among the children and teens was going to be interesting. I was curious to hear what they thought about Jesus’ radical views on the subject. The younger brother, when he read the text, was somewhat taken aback. He looked at me puzzled and asked, “Does Jesus expect us to keep constant track of the number of times we forgive? Seventy times seven! That’s too complicating! I would rather just forgive and then go on with my life.” It was interesting. He did not have a problem with forgiving. He just did not want to keep track of it. I told him that Jesus meant exactly this. We should forgive without keeping an account. Then he laughed. When you think about it, Jesus did give a humorous answer back to Peter. Forgiveness is essential for survival in the streets. I had never thought about it. The homeless don’t have the luxury of holding grudges even though there are some who do. They are the minority. Most of the time, these ones don’t survive. Their hatred consumes them to the point that they either kill or get killed.

The younger brother told me that the homeless teens need to let go of their past in order to survive in the present. Unfortunately, in their case, it also means not expecting their families to be their families anymore. They don’t hate them. In fact, many of them still speak fondly of their families especially their mothers or grandmothers. He told me that he saw his father after 10 years or so. He was genuinely happy to see him. The father is now married to another woman and has three children. He even met her and his half siblings. He thought that she was a lovely person and his father seemed to have overcome his personal demons. He was genuinely happy for him although he knows that the paternal relationship between them is gone forever. He realizes he cannot have that kind of expectation anymore. He has forgiven him unconditionally and part of this means not having any expectations.

Forgiveness cannot undo the past. It means just accepting it. It is also realizing that the people who hurt and disappointed us are broken people. Sometimes they can do great evil to us. However, when we forgive them, we are choosing to believe that they are not intrinsically evil. At least, this is how our homeless youth deal with it. For them, forgiveness is choosing to believe that the person who harmed them is not beyond redemption and they believe that he or she can change. They forgive because they want to be able to receive the person back into their lives in some shape or form. The younger brother received his father back but not in the same manner as before. Things have changed and forgiveness also means that we accept these changes.

I have known the younger brother for many years. This was the first time he shared his story with me because the subject of forgiveness gave him this opportunity. He has his fathers number with him always. I asked if he called him recently. “Not yet.” He responded, “ I have learned to live my life without him and besides, he has his own family now. I am just glad that we have some contact.”

Perhaps some might say that he is just saying this but deep down inside he might be bitter about what his father did. It has to be quite deep if no one can notice. There is no sign of hostility or bitterness when he talks about his father. I can say the same for the other children and teens we know. Danyel’s mother is cold and unaffectionate. However, when she suffered an accident, he went home immediately to help her. He loves her deeply even though she is emotionally and mentally incapable of reciprocating this love. Gabriel told me once that he was in the streets because he was helping his mother. She will have one less mouth to feed. He has her name tattooed on his fore arm. The list goes on. Forgiveness is something our children and teens have embraced. Not because some religious leaders told them to do so or a psychoanalyst recommended it. They did it because it was essential for their own humanity. It was the only way they could move forward in this life. It doesn’t mean that they have been healed from the emotional and spiritual injuries they sustained from their suffering. Forgiveness just opens the door for the healing process. This might take the rest of their lives. Perhaps, along the way they still might need to revisit their friend, Forgiveness, and hold her hand as she guides them through the healing process.

For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them. – Matthew 18:20

It is amazing how a tiny thing can change everything.

I had the perfect plan for this week. I was going to read the above verse to some of the teens and ask their opinion about. After all, Jesus describes the church in its simplest state. I thought it was a good opportunity to talk to some of the teens about it. First, I was going to meet Bruno at the place where he usually begs. I was hoping to run into Daniel and Gabriel and maybe even Wallace. I could ask them what they thought about this verse. Then my final stop would be at Felipe’s place to read the same text with him. It was quite a good plan if I say so myself except that… a tiny sting of a scorpion ruined everything.

On the day I was going to the streets, I woke up to several urgent messages from Felipe. He was stung by a scorpion. Obviously, he was in pain since the early morning and now it was spreading to his arm and shoulder. He asked for our advise. Needless to say, we were completely clueless. Thankfully, we have access to the internet. It gave some information about the danger signs. Naturally I had to forget about all my plans and focus on Felipe. There was a possibility that he might need urgent medical attention. I went to his place immediately.

It is worth mentioning that Felipe and his wife are squatters in a tiny abandoned space under a highway bridge. It used to be a storage unit for the state and now several families have divided the area into small rooms. Unfortunately, it is infested with cockroaches and these in turn have attracted the scorpions. It was either this place or homelessness. This is the sad reality of the thousands of squatters in our area. The scorpions are not usually harmful to adults but they can be deadly to little children. It all started with a nightmare. It almost sounded like a premonition by his description. Felipe dreamed that something terrible was going to happen to his son, Davi. He immediately woke up to get him from his crib. Unbeknown to him, there was a scorpion just above the toddler’s head. It stung Felipe’s hand just at the moment when he gently placed his hand on his son’s head. At first, it was just felt a minor irritation. Then, it became a burning sensation. Eventually his hand went numb but the pain crept to the rest of his arm and shoulder. This is when he sent a message to us.

Thankfully, I found him waiting for me when I got to his place. He was smiling. It was a good sign. He told me that the pain had subsided. His hand was still sore. I did give him some money to go to the hospital just in case. As usual, Felipe was a little embarrassed to take it but he knew that it was important to have some emergency cash. I was going to leave immediately so that he could rest. He had a tough morning. However, he was in the mood to talk.

We went for a short walk. He asked lots of questions about scorpions and other deadly creatures. This is something new in Felipe ever since he left the streets. He has developed an earnest desire to learn about everything under the Sun and beyond. In the past, his life was too conflicted with a sense of meaninglessness which kept him from pursuing things of his interest. Now the obstacle is removed from his path. He is ready to embrace life. This particular day he wanted to talk about life and death.

He is aware that the venom from the scorpion was not deadly to adults. Even then, he spent the whole morning thinking about death. He shared that the common way people talk about life after death sounded strange to him. For him and the other homeless youth, they have frequent brushes with death. For him, life after death is when you have a renewed understanding of life after a close encounter with death. The whole incident with the scorpion has refreshed his zest for life. I did not realize that he really had a scare about death this morning albeit understandably. Most of us in is shoes would have rushed to the emergency ward. Unfortunately, for Felipe and the very poor like him, they usually endure the pain in their tiny room without much medical assistance. He asked me if I thought that God was giving him an opportunity to live longer in this life for a purpose. I told him that God gives us life in this world to experience and enjoy His love in this world and when we do this, His love will flow through us to those in our midst. This was what I believe is the purpose of our life.

The moment was ripe for me to share about this week’s lectionary reading. Felipe was more than ready to read from the Bible with me. He read the verse above aloud and asked almost immediately, “Does this mean that every Sunday, when we meet together to read the Bible and pray, Jesus is physically present with us?” This is what Jesus appears to say, I responded. According to Him, all we need to be a church is to gather one another person and be open to receive and share God’s love.

“What comes to your mind when you think about the person of Jesus?” I asked Felipe. He said without any hesitation, “Acceptance, compassion, joy, and peace and even a sense of fulfillment.” Sometimes, he said, when he leaves us to go home, he feels like his soul has been enriched. I told him that we sense the same feeling too. Perhaps, this is what means to have Jesus in our midst. He awakens something in our innermost being. We may not be able to explain it but it gives us a sense of joy and peace. Felipe went on to say something very interesting. He told me that when he was still living in the streets, he and some of the children and teens gathered together to pray by themselves. Other times, when they went to the coastal town during the hot summer months, they had to hike through the woods on certain parts of the journey. Consequently they saw breathtaking scenery and sometimes came across some wild animals. They always said a prayer to thank God for these things. Many times they felt a sense of peace and belonging when they prayed together. He claimed that they were not very articulate in their prayers but nevertheless, they sensed God’s presence in their midst. He said that he never knew it but they were being a church back then. According to what he read, Jesus was present whenever they were together and prayed.

It is quite amazing through all these years we have been with these young people, this was the first time I have heard this. I always knew God was actively present in their midst but this was the first time I heard about their religious life. It was something they did without anyone encouraging them. It came from their souls. They responded to the voice of the Holy Spirt in their hearts. A door has been opened to us now. Felipe and the children have invited us to see their hidden spiritual life. Their faith has always been very private to them. Perhaps they thought that many would not take it seriously. Now we know that when they told us even though they are orphans to the world, God was always their Father and Mother that these weren’t mere words. They were an expression of their spirituality.