Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if a brother sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22

Two brothers; one was 8 and the older one was ten when it happened. Their home life consisted of an angry violent father and the rest of family living in constant fear. Strangely, drugs or alcohol were not involved. One day he grabbed a rubber hose and attacked the brothers with it. Obviously, this was not the first time but definitely the most violent. The older brother did all he could to protect his younger sibling. His whole body was covered with welts and the father just wouldn’t stop. The mother was powerless to protect her boys. She was always the first to suffer. Their only chance of survival was to run into the streets and plea for help. They managed to escape and the police were called. The father fled the scene. The bruises on the older boy sufficed to anger the arresting officers. They were determined to apprehend their abuser. The brothers saw their father subdued and handcuffed. They felt relieved. Then, the younger one overheard the police officer telling the father, “You are going to get a taste of your own medicine in prison.” He told me that he would never forget those words. He wasn’t sure what to make of them. He did not want anything bad to happen to his father. He still loved his father despite everything. They lost him on that day.

The brothers eventually ended up in the streets. Even though the threat in their household was gone, something had radically changed within them. They realized that their home would never be a safe place for them. They loved their mother but also knew that she was incapable of protecting them. They decided to search for their own safe space. Ironically, living in the streets was the best option. Unfortunately, the older brother got involved with the wrong crowd and landed up in the juvenile detention center soon after. Regrettably, this brought him in contact with other teens involved in crime. By the time, he reached adulthood, he was already a seasoned criminal. He is presently in prison. The younger brother was different. He went to the streets only because of his older brother. He was the only person that made him feel safe in this world. When his brother was taken away from him, he found himself once again abandoned and alone in this world. He had to carve out a safe place for himself on his own. Thanks to his older brother, he never lost his belief in humanity. He always appreciated his brother’s sacrificial love for him. He was always open to trust people. Soon, he made friends in the streets who became just like his older brother. They gave him a sense of security. This is all he wanted. There were many like him in the streets. They wanted a safe place. Some of were young girls were raped or sexually abused by the very ones who were suppose to protect them from rapists and other sexual predators. There were those who struggled with their sexual identity and they suffered the most. There were those who don’t even remember the names of their parents. They were there in the streets wondering if there was anywhere in the world where they could feel safe and at home. There was none so they decided that the streets was their only option. They made the best of it and kept each other safe.

I thought reading the above gospel text about forgiveness among the children and teens was going to be interesting. I was curious to hear what they thought about Jesus’ radical views on the subject. The younger brother, when he read the text, was somewhat taken aback. He looked at me puzzled and asked, “Does Jesus expect us to keep constant track of the number of times we forgive? Seventy times seven! That’s too complicating! I would rather just forgive and then go on with my life.” It was interesting. He did not have a problem with forgiving. He just did not want to keep track of it. I told him that Jesus meant exactly this. We should forgive without keeping an account. Then he laughed. When you think about it, Jesus did give a humorous answer back to Peter. Forgiveness is essential for survival in the streets. I had never thought about it. The homeless don’t have the luxury of holding grudges even though there are some who do. They are the minority. Most of the time, these ones don’t survive. Their hatred consumes them to the point that they either kill or get killed.

The younger brother told me that the homeless teens need to let go of their past in order to survive in the present. Unfortunately, in their case, it also means not expecting their families to be their families anymore. They don’t hate them. In fact, many of them still speak fondly of their families especially their mothers or grandmothers. He told me that he saw his father after 10 years or so. He was genuinely happy to see him. The father is now married to another woman and has three children. He even met her and his half siblings. He thought that she was a lovely person and his father seemed to have overcome his personal demons. He was genuinely happy for him although he knows that the paternal relationship between them is gone forever. He realizes he cannot have that kind of expectation anymore. He has forgiven him unconditionally and part of this means not having any expectations.

Forgiveness cannot undo the past. It means just accepting it. It is also realizing that the people who hurt and disappointed us are broken people. Sometimes they can do great evil to us. However, when we forgive them, we are choosing to believe that they are not intrinsically evil. At least, this is how our homeless youth deal with it. For them, forgiveness is choosing to believe that the person who harmed them is not beyond redemption and they believe that he or she can change. They forgive because they want to be able to receive the person back into their lives in some shape or form. The younger brother received his father back but not in the same manner as before. Things have changed and forgiveness also means that we accept these changes.

I have known the younger brother for many years. This was the first time he shared his story with me because the subject of forgiveness gave him this opportunity. He has his fathers number with him always. I asked if he called him recently. “Not yet.” He responded, “ I have learned to live my life without him and besides, he has his own family now. I am just glad that we have some contact.”

Perhaps some might say that he is just saying this but deep down inside he might be bitter about what his father did. It has to be quite deep if no one can notice. There is no sign of hostility or bitterness when he talks about his father. I can say the same for the other children and teens we know. Danyel’s mother is cold and unaffectionate. However, when she suffered an accident, he went home immediately to help her. He loves her deeply even though she is emotionally and mentally incapable of reciprocating this love. Gabriel told me once that he was in the streets because he was helping his mother. She will have one less mouth to feed. He has her name tattooed on his fore arm. The list goes on. Forgiveness is something our children and teens have embraced. Not because some religious leaders told them to do so or a psychoanalyst recommended it. They did it because it was essential for their own humanity. It was the only way they could move forward in this life. It doesn’t mean that they have been healed from the emotional and spiritual injuries they sustained from their suffering. Forgiveness just opens the door for the healing process. This might take the rest of their lives. Perhaps, along the way they still might need to revisit their friend, Forgiveness, and hold her hand as she guides them through the healing process.