Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my clothes?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say, ‘Who touched me?’” He looked all around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling, fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.” Mark 5:30-34

I mulled over this text at the beginning of this week. I thought to myself that this will be a perfect story to share with our children. It is quite straightforward in a way. The poor woman suffered a grave infirmity which isolated her from the rest of society. According the Jewish traditions then, she was considered unclean due to her constant bleeding. She was marginalized from the rest of society due to her condition. Our children share her fate with a major difference. They were born marginalized. This is a complex word and one which is often thrown about whenever the subject of abject poverty is discussed. All the complex problems and experiences associated with it are reduced to one term, albeit an inoffensive one. We have been with our children a while now. Most of the children and teens we met when we first came here are adults now. Our relationship has gone beyond superficiality. Now, they ask profound questions deserving an appropriate answers. They want to know why they are marginalized. For first of all, they want to know it means. They don’t understand this term. I admit it is confusing. It is also strange that we have terms to designate people whose significance is foreign to the designee. When I considered explaining this term, I realized that there was a certain arrogance attached to it. I am assuming that I do not share their marginality. I have no evidence to support it. I can argue that I have a voice in society. Unfortunately, this is just an illusion. No one really listens to my voice. My friends and family might humor me. They might consider the things I say seriously. Our children and teens will say that they have this too in their lives which is true. I can claim that I have wealth compared to them of course, but nothing impressive in the eyes of the world. After all, we don’t own a home nor a car nor anything that someone can point at and say, “that’s a successful person!” I can say that I have a blog where I can express my reflections. In reality, it is only for a handful of kind-hearted faithful readers. Thank you, nevertheless, it is a joy to know that you exist. It still doesn’t prove that I am not marginalized. Before anything else, I still need to define this term, at least for myself and our young people.

The best way to do it is with a piece of paper. I tell them that a story is written in the middle of the page and the margins are left empty. Those who find themselves in the margins don’t play a role in the story written in the center. Therefore, they are invisible. This does not really help. There are many unanswered questions. Who is writing the story? The most important one, whether it is a story that is appealing enough to draw someone out of the margins into the center of it? Well, there is a story being told in every society and presently it doesn’t seem like an appealing one. It is one filled with strife and hatred. Therefore, the margins seem to be a better place. The reality is that a vast of majority of us are not part of the main story. We could be spectators cheering those in the center but spectators are not part of the story. History books will never record our existence. The historical narrative is reserved for a select group of people and most of the time, they are not necessarily the most interesting ones. The truth of the matter is that almost everyone lives in the margins. Once I asked Felipe and Edson, “Do you want to be part of the history of this world?” They just shrugged their shoulders and asked me if I heard about a new mammal that was discovered in Vietnam. Apparently, my question did not perk up their interest. It was irrelevant. They are quite content living in the margins. To be honest, I am quite happy not being in the center page of this world’s story. The margins seem to tell a more interesting story. They have the most colorful characters like this woman in the gospel.

We know nothing about her and yet we know her story. Any place in the world where there is church present, her story is told. She has touched many hearts despite being anonymous. Felipe was curious about her. Her life spoke to him because she came from his reality. Well, she came from our reality. We are both marginalized. Although, Felipe and I are not the same in our condition. I have more privileges which may or may not be blessings. However, it is sufficient to say that we are both not important to this world. This is fine as long as we know our true state. Then we don’t have to waste our time trying to get into the center of the page of society’s story. We have our story to tell and we tell it to those who are with us in the margins. However, I don’t want to give the impression that life in the margins is wonderful and great. It is usually brutal, unjust and extremely difficult for many. The woman suffered for many years. She lived in isolation and loneliness. She needed healing. This is the most important thing. We need healing, not recognition. Once she received her healing, she was ready to go back to her anonymous life. Jesus, for one, did not stand in her way.

He called her out to relay a powerful message. “Your faith has made you well.” This woman had spent most of her wealth seeking for a cure on the outside when she had the cure within her. She lost everything she possessed, maybe because it never belonged to her in the first place. Jesus gave her back something that truly belonged to her. Something she did not expect.

All she wanted was healing and then, to leave discreetly after she received it. Most likely, she thought that she was undeserving of it. This is the problem of those who live in the margins. They don’t believe that they are worthy of anything. It is hard to convince people otherwise. No amount of education nor conversation can impress someone to believe that they deserve mercy and grace. On the other hand, there are many on the other side of the spectrum too but we won’t comment on them. Jesus did not tell her that she was worthy of healing. Instead He told her to listen to her faith. It informed her to touch the cloak of Jesus. It would have sounded strange if she had expressed this opinion to others. They might have accused her of being idolatrous. To suggest that Jesus’ clothes had divine healing power would also suggest that Jesus was divine. At this stage of the gospel narrative, this would have been a preposterous concept. However, this woman’s faith told her otherwise. She believed something about Jesus that was miles ahead of all his disciples. Jesus advised her to listen to her faith. It would bring the healing that she needed to live life to the fulness in the margins. Besides there is no evidence that being in the center of life’s history is fulfilling.

The next difficult question is the one about faith. I asked Felipe and Mary at one Bible study if they could describe the nature of faith. There was complete silence. This was the best answer. It would be wrong if they gave me some cliche response. The silence meant that it is something that is real in us but we still haven’t found to words to express it in an adequate manner. It is there present in us. Sometimes, the people who suffer in the margins hear the voice of faith clearer and louder than others. Our task is to pay attention to this voice. It is not an object. It is not a theory nor a doctrine. It is something living and dynamic. Sometimes I see it more clearly in some of my friends who have given up religion and embraced the label of atheism. Despite their unbelief, they are manifesting faith in their words and actions, much more than religious people. Faith is a gift from God and when we listen to its voice, it will bring us the healing that we need in this life. It can do more than any efforts to bring us out of marginality. Faith makes our life colorful in all sorts of conditions. We need to learn to discern her sweet healing voice in our souls.

With many such parables he spoke the word to them, as they were able to hear it; he did not speak to them except in parables, but he explained everything in private to his disciples.
Mark 4:33-34

Our friend died from Covid last week. He was only 46 years old. Many of his dreams were left unfulfilled and his only nightmare came true. He left behind his wife and three children. His young ones hoped that one day their father would baptize their children. Now, everything is over. The church where he faithfully served for almost fifteen years will feel a little more empty after the Pandemic. He served in my first parish, where we met. Back then he was a seminarian who helped me on the weekends. We spent many hours over coffee. He was just eccentric enough to be unintentionally comical. We used to reminisce about his peculiar habits and have a good laugh.
Now, even that is taken away from us. He is no more here in our existence. He hasn’t been part of our lives for a long time. However, we shared many things in our history. We served in the same church, we lived in the same parsonage and we shared meals together. We have enough memories to sense his departure deeply.

During the same week, a famous TV evangelist contracted the same illness and had similar symptoms as my friend. This man was much older and definitely less ethical. In fact, he is a scoundrel. Recently, he sold bottles of water personally blessed by himself for an exorbitant price, claiming they had powers to heal and protect from Covid. Unsurprisingly, when he was ill, he rushed to the hospital instead of taking his own medicine. Even though he suffered the same symptoms as my friend, he recovered within a week. Immediately, he exploited his situation and alleged that God send him back with more miraculous powers. Nothing changed. He remains a scoundrel. One can’t help wondering.

By no means do I desire the death of this man. He is not my problem. I can’t understand why people like my friend just die so easily and scoundrels who actively seek to do harm to others go through life unscathed. I understand that I may not know everything that occurs. I am also aware that I am perhaps being judgmental. Let’s say that I want to explore a little bit. I want to shake off restraints and ask some serious questions. I am not really interested in this man. I am more interested in understanding why one had to go and the other was allowed to stay. We do believe in a God who is involved in our lives. My friend did many things to help others. He wasn’t perfect but he did desire to be saintly. Yet, it seems like life doesn’t care one way or another. It just doesn’t make any sense or perhaps there is no sense in it at all.

“No reason to get excited,” the thief, he kindly spoke
“There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late” All Along the Watchtower, Bob Dylan

I have come far enough to be convinced that this is not a joke. At the same time, I cannot ignore these impending questions. We minister to children and young adults who are faced with the brutal realities of life. They have seen and experienced things which many people will never confront. If I am going to say anything meaningful to these young people about God, I have to confront some tough questions. Not just once or twice but every time they show their face in our pilgrimage in this life. I shared my thoughts with a friend who is a psychologist. I asked his opinion. “Maybe God has a strange sense of humor,” he said. He knew this sounded almost blasphemous but sometimes it is hard to avoid such thoughts. He believes in God and His goodness. However, there are many things which cause him to be perplexed. One can’t make head nor tails of this situation. Personally, I like the word, “perplexed”. It gives a philosophical license for us to feel confused and disturbed without throwing up hands and saying, “…..with it!”

My friend told me that some argue that God only takes those who have fulfilled their purpose back to heaven and those who remain still have a task to fulfill. This response seem unsatisfactory. It appears that God is taking away all the people who make life bearable for many and leaving behind those who make it unbearable. Again, I don’t want to urge God to remove anyone. I am just trying to understand. It just doesn’t make sense when someone who labors for overall well-being dies and one who actively cheats and lies and exploits the gullibility of ignorant people survives. Why can’t they both survive?

I asked another friend who left the Christian faith many years ago. He always identified himself as an agnostic. He gave me a surprising answer. He thought that perhaps God is so infinitely different from us that we can’t comprehend His wisdom. This is quite a strange answer from someone who has adopted his position. However, there have been some serious changes in his life. His younger brother recently discovered that he has terminal cancer and now it’s just a question of time. My friend has been finding some solace in silence and prayer even though he is unsure if he believes. Life is full of paradoxes. His major problem is that he doubts that God is actually personal. I thought maybe we are just confused about how He acts personally in our lives.

I finally asked Felipe what he thought about this. Actually, I asked him if he ever wondered about such things. These past year has taught us not to assume that our youths in the streets have the same concerns as us. They grew up in a different environment and consequently they learned to ask the same questions in a different way. He said that he just accepted life has such. He never considered God’s involvement in the death of a certain person, nor their survival for that matter. For him, life is full of chances and God is not directly involved. He feels that God plays a different role although he can’t really explain it. He doesn’t connect these life’s mysteries with God’s presence.

I consider myself a blessed person. I have friends who are nothing like Job’s friends. They don’t resort to pat answers or religious cliches. They share honestly their own doubts and perplexities. Everyone including Felipe agrees that there is no definitive answer. However, it does not mean that we should stop asking the questions. The only people who do that are atheists. They don’t believe that anyone would answer their questions. However, for us who believe in God, we have someone to whom we are able to direct our doubts. I would say that it is our bounden duty to ask these questions. There are the mysterious parables of our lives and we need someone to clarify them. Thankfully, we have Jesus as our advocate. He is the One who will stand between us and God the Father and intercede on our behalf. Something Job yearned for when he was plagued by overtly religious people. We might get an answer. I am quite doubtful. Most of the time, there is just silence. Maybe this is because the answer is already there and I just don’t see it. I am just going to keep asking. The liberty to ask such questions in itself is a sign that God is personal. If the contrary was true, then we should just continue with Life without any concern about Him. All the people I talk with on this subject, including myself, are on different parts in our journey. We each receive an answer that helps us to take a step forward. This is all we can handle for now. We just can receive what we need to take a step forward.

I told Felipe that there is no answer to cease all questions. However, we need to persist in searching for responses in these difficult circumstances. The Truth is always present and Jesus tells us that God is Truth. The more we discover His Truth, the more meaningful our lives we become. However, the answer may not be what we expect. Nevertheless, it will give us the strength to discern the divine meaning in this otherwise senseless existence.