With many such parables he spoke the word to them, as they were able to hear it; he did not speak to them except in parables, but he explained everything in private to his disciples.
Mark 4:33-34

Our friend died from Covid last week. He was only 46 years old. Many of his dreams were left unfulfilled and his only nightmare came true. He left behind his wife and three children. His young ones hoped that one day their father would baptize their children. Now, everything is over. The church where he faithfully served for almost fifteen years will feel a little more empty after the Pandemic. He served in my first parish, where we met. Back then he was a seminarian who helped me on the weekends. We spent many hours over coffee. He was just eccentric enough to be unintentionally comical. We used to reminisce about his peculiar habits and have a good laugh.
Now, even that is taken away from us. He is no more here in our existence. He hasn’t been part of our lives for a long time. However, we shared many things in our history. We served in the same church, we lived in the same parsonage and we shared meals together. We have enough memories to sense his departure deeply.

During the same week, a famous TV evangelist contracted the same illness and had similar symptoms as my friend. This man was much older and definitely less ethical. In fact, he is a scoundrel. Recently, he sold bottles of water personally blessed by himself for an exorbitant price, claiming they had powers to heal and protect from Covid. Unsurprisingly, when he was ill, he rushed to the hospital instead of taking his own medicine. Even though he suffered the same symptoms as my friend, he recovered within a week. Immediately, he exploited his situation and alleged that God send him back with more miraculous powers. Nothing changed. He remains a scoundrel. One can’t help wondering.

By no means do I desire the death of this man. He is not my problem. I can’t understand why people like my friend just die so easily and scoundrels who actively seek to do harm to others go through life unscathed. I understand that I may not know everything that occurs. I am also aware that I am perhaps being judgmental. Let’s say that I want to explore a little bit. I want to shake off restraints and ask some serious questions. I am not really interested in this man. I am more interested in understanding why one had to go and the other was allowed to stay. We do believe in a God who is involved in our lives. My friend did many things to help others. He wasn’t perfect but he did desire to be saintly. Yet, it seems like life doesn’t care one way or another. It just doesn’t make any sense or perhaps there is no sense in it at all.

“No reason to get excited,” the thief, he kindly spoke
“There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late” All Along the Watchtower, Bob Dylan

I have come far enough to be convinced that this is not a joke. At the same time, I cannot ignore these impending questions. We minister to children and young adults who are faced with the brutal realities of life. They have seen and experienced things which many people will never confront. If I am going to say anything meaningful to these young people about God, I have to confront some tough questions. Not just once or twice but every time they show their face in our pilgrimage in this life. I shared my thoughts with a friend who is a psychologist. I asked his opinion. “Maybe God has a strange sense of humor,” he said. He knew this sounded almost blasphemous but sometimes it is hard to avoid such thoughts. He believes in God and His goodness. However, there are many things which cause him to be perplexed. One can’t make head nor tails of this situation. Personally, I like the word, “perplexed”. It gives a philosophical license for us to feel confused and disturbed without throwing up hands and saying, “…..with it!”

My friend told me that some argue that God only takes those who have fulfilled their purpose back to heaven and those who remain still have a task to fulfill. This response seem unsatisfactory. It appears that God is taking away all the people who make life bearable for many and leaving behind those who make it unbearable. Again, I don’t want to urge God to remove anyone. I am just trying to understand. It just doesn’t make sense when someone who labors for overall well-being dies and one who actively cheats and lies and exploits the gullibility of ignorant people survives. Why can’t they both survive?

I asked another friend who left the Christian faith many years ago. He always identified himself as an agnostic. He gave me a surprising answer. He thought that perhaps God is so infinitely different from us that we can’t comprehend His wisdom. This is quite a strange answer from someone who has adopted his position. However, there have been some serious changes in his life. His younger brother recently discovered that he has terminal cancer and now it’s just a question of time. My friend has been finding some solace in silence and prayer even though he is unsure if he believes. Life is full of paradoxes. His major problem is that he doubts that God is actually personal. I thought maybe we are just confused about how He acts personally in our lives.

I finally asked Felipe what he thought about this. Actually, I asked him if he ever wondered about such things. These past year has taught us not to assume that our youths in the streets have the same concerns as us. They grew up in a different environment and consequently they learned to ask the same questions in a different way. He said that he just accepted life has such. He never considered God’s involvement in the death of a certain person, nor their survival for that matter. For him, life is full of chances and God is not directly involved. He feels that God plays a different role although he can’t really explain it. He doesn’t connect these life’s mysteries with God’s presence.

I consider myself a blessed person. I have friends who are nothing like Job’s friends. They don’t resort to pat answers or religious cliches. They share honestly their own doubts and perplexities. Everyone including Felipe agrees that there is no definitive answer. However, it does not mean that we should stop asking the questions. The only people who do that are atheists. They don’t believe that anyone would answer their questions. However, for us who believe in God, we have someone to whom we are able to direct our doubts. I would say that it is our bounden duty to ask these questions. There are the mysterious parables of our lives and we need someone to clarify them. Thankfully, we have Jesus as our advocate. He is the One who will stand between us and God the Father and intercede on our behalf. Something Job yearned for when he was plagued by overtly religious people. We might get an answer. I am quite doubtful. Most of the time, there is just silence. Maybe this is because the answer is already there and I just don’t see it. I am just going to keep asking. The liberty to ask such questions in itself is a sign that God is personal. If the contrary was true, then we should just continue with Life without any concern about Him. All the people I talk with on this subject, including myself, are on different parts in our journey. We each receive an answer that helps us to take a step forward. This is all we can handle for now. We just can receive what we need to take a step forward.

I told Felipe that there is no answer to cease all questions. However, we need to persist in searching for responses in these difficult circumstances. The Truth is always present and Jesus tells us that God is Truth. The more we discover His Truth, the more meaningful our lives we become. However, the answer may not be what we expect. Nevertheless, it will give us the strength to discern the divine meaning in this otherwise senseless existence.