For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. Mark 8:36-38

There is a hideous scar where her right arm used to be. I am not sure how she lost it. If I were to guess, I think it could have been in an accident. Her arm wasn’t only thing she lost. She has lost control of her legs have too. She gets around with the aid of a wheelchair. Unfortunately, her wheelchair looks like something that should have been discarded decades ago. In spite of everything, she manages to get around quite effectively using just her left arm. Her face tells a story of hardship and suffering. She almost looks unfriendly and to a certain extent intimidating. One can imagine that she was once a proud independent person and now she resents begging in order to survive. Her overall physical presence makes people uncomfortable. Everything we want to hide of our human frailty is exposed in her. Most people don’t know how to respond to her but one thing is for sure; she doesn’t want anyone’s pity. She just wants money to pay for next meal and maybe little something to make her harsh life endurable. Mary felt drawn to her. She asked for her name once. I am not sure if she is used to someone wanting to know her name. It’s Vania.

It just got done raining. The children had taken shelter from the rain and I was waiting outside for them. I was observing Vania as she went around asking for money. She begs aggressively. It is the only way she can assert her presence. I put my hand in my pocket to find something for her. I did not want to give her loose change. That would seem like an afterthought. Notes seem to have some sort of intentionality. I found a few dollars. It wasn’t much. I waited for the right opportunity. I wanted to give it to her before she had the chance to ask from me. I don’t know why I thought this was important. Maybe I wanted her to know that she didn’t need to ask. I placed the money in her hand. She looked up and gestured for me to come closer. She wanted to say something in my ear. She was wearing a mask and wasn’t sure if I could hear her clearly through it. She whispered, “God bless you, my friend.” I could see through her mask that she smiled. It almost erased all the traces of hardship and bitterness. Then she asked me if I could help her get across the street. It was uphill and she couldn’t do it on her own. I gladly did it. She asked if I lived nearby. She commented that she noticed me many times talking with the teens. I told her that I lived in the center but a little ways from where we were. She was just curious. A old man with a kind face walked by and she decided to ask him for money. I left her to do her thing. She does what she needs to do in order to survive in this world. Even though we didn’t talk much, I felt something special happened. Obviously, I have given to people begging before. It has always been a pleasant exchange. However, this time I felt that something sacred has occurred. I think Vania had given me an opportunity to meet Jesus today. After all He did say in His words,

“Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40

No doubt some might think that I am referring to the gratifying sensation we feel in our heart whenever we help someone. This is a good and pleasant feeling which reminds us that doing something good is good itself. There is very little that needs to be said about this feeling. However, I am talking about something else. It was the fact that she noticed my presence.

As a regular human being, I share the desire to be noticed. We are social creatures. The more we get noticed, the more we feel affirmed as individuals. Everyone does all kinds of things to stand out even those who claim not to care about gaining the attention of others. We desire to belong to some group. In some cases, we are willing to do strange and detrimental things just to be noticed and affirmed by a certain crowd.

All of us do this. It is almost inevitable. We want to gain the whole world if possible. Jesus warns us that not only is this not going to satisfy our soul, it will destroy us as individuals. This idea is not only present in the gospels, there is a consensus in almost all the great wisdom traditions of the world. Even in the Old Testament we heard the Preacher who appeared to have everything in life say, “All is vanity!” In the end, gaining the whole world does absolutely nothing to fulfill the emptiness of our souls. It is the great dilemma we face as humans. We want the world to acknowledge our presence and yet it cannot give us what we truly need. Even then, it doesn’t stop us from trying to gain the whole world because we are also part of this adulterous and sinful generation. We persist on going the wrong direction despite everything.

These are harsh words that Jesus used to describe the world and they are quite precise. “Adulterous” reveals how easily we betray our own convictions just to gain recognition or even have our vain aspirations affirmed. “Sinful” because we are all missing the mark. Looking for significance in the wrong things. Jesus is not one of those people who criticize everything that is wrong without giving us a solution. Unfortunately, He knows that his solution won’t be satisfactory for many. He tells us the answer in a negative manner.

Apparently, Jesus believes that many would be ashamed to acknowledge His presence. It is possible that His presence might not be savory for the values of this world. He is not going to be mingling with those who gain the approval of this world. His presence is with those like Vania whose life seems to be the opposite of everything the world deems as successful. It is not saying that being successful is something wrong. However, it is a grave error to think that being successful in this world is synonymous with being blessed. There are many who gain the whole world but still fail drastically to see Jesus present in a real way in their midst.

There are many people who have said to me, “God bless you!” Most of the time it is meaningless. It always felt like another generic way of expressing gratitude without much commitment. However, when I heard Vania saying it to me, it touched my soul. I felt truly blessed. The whole exchange was sacramental. Jesus was present but in a way we cannot describe. Not just for me but I believe it was true even for Vania.

Some time ago, before this Pandemic, Mary and I were talking with the children when a homeless woman approached us. She wanted to let us know that they were giving out food around the corner. It was obvious that she mistook us for being homeless. We politely thanked her. As she left, we thought to ourselves maybe we should rethink about the way we dress. We told the story to our friends and had a good laugh over it. However, a friend who is no longer with us pointed out something important. His unfortunate passing has made his observation even more valuable now. He said that this was good thing because it meant that they don’t see a distinction between us and them. In other words, we have gained a place among them. Maybe it is not a space that is heavily disputed in our society. In my life, I tried to carve out a space in many groups. I was successful in some attempts and not so in others. However, I was never satisfied in any of them. Now, we are here without any intention of belonging to any group and, all the sudden, we are given a place. We are recognized by people who the world treats as invisible. We became visible to the invisible people.
Somehow it feels special. It feels we received a gift from God. It feels like I finally belong. Vania is right. I am truly blessed.