There was a time when Bruno was almost adopted by an American couple. He was about ten. His mother had given him up officially to the orphanage which meant he was legally eligible for adoption. The couple came all the way from the States to spend a month with him. They specifically chose him because they wanted an older boy. Despite the language barrier, they were able to transmit a sense of warmth and kindness to him. They showed pictures of their home and Bruno thought that it looked like something from a movie. Everything seemed perfect and idyllic. Brazilian Law requires that any child above the age of eight to give consent for their own adoption. A judge visited with Bruno and tried to convince him that his life would be much better if he decided to live with these nice people. He felt pressured to give his consent but he just couldn’t do it. He stood his ground and said, “no” even though he really liked the people. He still remembers their faces. I asked why he refused to go with them. He said he was convinced that his mother would eventually come for him one day which never happened.
As far as he could remember, his mother always tried to abandon him. Once he fell asleep on the bus and his mother decided to leave him there. He got off at the terminal and found his way home despite his disjointed sense of direction. Needless to say, his mother was disappointed. Every time she tried to abandon him, he always found his way back. During his stay at the orphanage, she moved and broke all ties with him. It was then he realized that he was completely lost. This was the turning point which brought him to streets.
He was laughing when he shared this apparently tragic episode of his life. The other teens listening to this conversation did the same. They chimed in with their own stories about their parents doing the same. They too always found their way back home and now they too are lost in the streets. We might imagine that these parents are cruel and irresponsible people. To be honest, it is just a tragic situation. Some of these parents really believed that their children might have a better life in the streets than with them. I have heard people say this. In many situations, they are right. There is also the issue of mental illness. A large number of our children and teens have at least one parent with mental illness. When we add extreme poverty to the mix, it becomes a perfect recipe for a tragic tale.
I asked Bruno if he regretted his decision about his adoption. He still believes that he made the right choice. He just finds it hard to believe that complete strangers would accept him when his own mother did not want him. He is not the only one. I heard others who had similar opportunities say the same thing. It is not that they did not want to be in a loving home and environment. They yearned for that. However, they could not imagine that anyone would be willing to love them especially when their own parents had abandoned them in the woods. Unfortunately, most of them believe that they are indirectly responsible for being rejected, or worse, being unlovable. They carry this weight in their soul and yet, they don’t really know how to be relieved from this heavy burden.
I asked Bruno if he is happy with his life. He smiled and responded that if I had asked this question a few years ago, he would have told some lies about it. Now he feels comfortable with the truth. He said that a few days ago he went to Felipe’s house. Davi, Felipe’s two year old son ran up to him and sat on his lap while the boy’s father prepared a dinner plate for him. He sat there thinking, “I have a family now. It is not perfect but at least I am wanted here.”
It took us a long time to understand what Bruno meant. These children and teens have been inflicted with a deep wound of rejection. The streets is where rejected people end up in this city. The children, however, cannot shake off their innate desire to be part of a family; to feel protected and loved unconditionally. They try to cultivate something of a family with the other children and teens. After some time, they form a community among themselves. It is far from perfect and many times convoluted, perhaps like many so-called normal families. Despite everything, we cannot deny that there exists genuine love among them. Their relationship with each other is an important aspect in their lives and identity. Felipe and Bruno used to share drugs together before. This was their initial bond. Now, Felipe shares his home with Bruno. In return, Bruno, who spends his day begging, buys food and hygiene supplies for them. He doesn’t do this because he feels obliged. He does it because he wants to contribute something to his family.
The children and teens took what was given to them and built a family that would help them move forward in life. Perhaps, what they consider forward might seem inadequate for the mass majority of us. We have constructed our world and ideas of successes and failures from different building blocks. Our homeless youth’s foundation had their start in life from a negative foundation; rejection. Nevertheless, it did not turn into something bitter and full of hatred, albeit a small minority have take this road. Most of them used their common experience to nurture a bond to help them face this harsh world.
They have invited us to be part of this family too, in spite of the fact that we do not share their devastating sense of rejection. We hope to bring something positive to their relationship. In a strange way, the Pandemic helped to strengthen our connection with them. During the months of isolation, the children and teens were our only contact with the world. When our world seemed to disintegrate, God used these children and teens to bring balance and healing to our souls. Perhaps, this helped the most. The teens saw that we could receive something from them. This is part of what it means to be in a family. We give and receive from each other. In a sense, this is the acceptance that the teens are searching for in the streets. They want to know that they too can give something valuable to this world.
