Then his lord summoned him and said to him, “You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow-slave, as I had mercy on you?” And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he should pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:32-35

Bruna did not speak to us for a whole year, maybe even more than that. By then, the issue which triggered everything seemed trivial and irrelevant. It was over something banal to start off with but apparently not for her. It was because of a letter, which was a good thing in itself. Someone from Florida wrote to her on her birthday. I was reading it to her and was a little annoyed that she was sniffing paint thinner while listening. I asked her to put it away. Unexpectedly, she grabbed the letter from my hand and stuffed it into her bag and gave me the silent treatment for a year. She spoke to Mary once in a while. However, since we are a package deal, eventually she avoided us altogether. Another teen told me that she held a grudge with him over something trivial for years. Finally, one day she came over and started talking to us as if nothing had happened. She tried to act as if everything was back to normal. She continues to be affectionate with us. However, we know that we cannot be her true friend. There is a barrier between us. Our relationship can never go beyond the superficial.

Some might say that Bruna acted like a spoiled or pampered child. Her life tells a different story. It is not different from the many in the streets. Her childhood was one of neglect and abandonment. She spent some time in a Catholic convent. I would say that it was most probably the best period of her life. She went to school there. She claims that she even studied Latin. I am not sure about that. However, I think she was exposed to many possibilities there. It was perhaps the richest moment of her life. Unfortunately, it did not last. No one knows why. She will never tell anyone the truth about it. We see her often in the streets but her loneliness and isolation are more noticeable now. There is no one easy solution for her predicament and suffering. However, forgiveness can be the first step in the path of healing.

The parable of the unforgiving servant from the above gospel text is quite disturbing in many levels. However, the most troubling part is the end when Jesus says that we are subjected to punishment and torment if we do not forgive from our heart. It almost sounds as if Jesus is resorting to fear mongering to convince us to toe the line. It might seem that way but we need to interpret the words of Jesus according to His personhood. Jesus never uses fear as a teaching tool. Our leaders, political and religious, use fear as an effective means of controlling people. However, Jesus was never like the authorities of this world. Jesus confronted reality as it presents itself. It is impossible for us to understand God’s grace and love if we refuse to forgive someone. Consequently, we subject ourselves to the pain and torment which comes with being unforgiving. Bruna’s little problem with us was not due to the trivial matter which triggered it. It is something deeper. It is rooted in her traumatic past. There is no way we can undo this in her life. However, she can be free from it if she forgives from her heart. It is not going resolve everything but it will open her heart to receive and perceive wonderful and beautiful things.

It would be easy for me from the outside to tell Bruna that she should forgive. I have never experienced the things she had experienced. From a young age, she was convinced that being homeless was better than all the alternatives life had offered to her. I have never been in such a position. I had many more options and living and sleeping in the streets was never one. For me personally, forgiveness, many times, is merely a question of “let bygones be bygones”, however, for our children and teens, it is forgiving people who have damaged and ruined their whole lives. They awaiting for some sort of justice; not because they seek revenge. They desire it because they want the world or the universe to recognize that they are innocent victims. Some might say something disparaging like this is a victim mentality. Besides adding insult to injury, this statement does not provide any productive nor creative insight. Our children want to be healed and they believe that perhaps some sort of justice might be the beginning of it.

We do not have to be homeless like our children and teens to appreciate this. We want some sort of justice when we see or hear about something which has upset the personal order of our lives. We want justice so that things can go back to normal or restore our sense of order. In this world, we are taught that the only way justice can be fulfilled is through some sort of punitive measure where the offender is forced to recognize the error of one’s ways. Sometimes we bring our idea of forgiveness within this framework. At best, we say that we will only forgive if the offending party is remorseful and repentant; at worse, we want them to suffer for the consequence for their actions. However, the gospel is proposing something completely different. Jesus forgave all those who wronged Him even when they were mocking Him while He did this. He did not wait for them to repent or be remorseful. He forgave them and asked God not to hold them accountable for the murder of God Incarnate. There can not be anything worse than this crime. However, Jesus came to establish justice in this world. It is different from the punitive justice as the world offers. Definitely, it is more effective. For starters, it truly heals the victims and restores their dignity. Punitive justice just creates more victims and despair. However, I am not advocating that we abolish the penal system or anything like that. Those are completely different issues and deserve their own discussions. I am saying here is that Jesus is our example and He forgives unconditionally.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matthew 5:6

Forgiving someone does not mean that we stop seeking justice. It does not mean that we stop acknowledging the wrong which has been done to us. It means that we put aside the world’s way of dealing with injustice and embrace the New Life Jesus is offering to us. The purpose of justice is to restore and heal. Being unforgiving keeps us captive in the situation which robbed us of our peace and stability. The parable of the servant is a tragic tale which happens much too frequently in society. It happens with families. It destroys lifelong friendships. Worse of all, it destroys us. It prevents us from living a full life. It hinders us from receiving salvation and the biblical meaning of salvation is healing.

Once a homeless youth asked me if I would be able to forgive someone who tries to destroy my life. He told me that honestly he was not sure if he could do it. I thought about it. I told him that our nature is to protect ourselves even if it means harming the person who tries to hurt us. However, I have to decide to forgive if I want to live my life fully. I was honest with him. I told him that I do not know how I would act at the precise moment but I do want to forgive. The boy was surprised. He thought that everyone wants revenge to right a wrong done to them. He is right. In many situations, we can be justified feeling this way. However, it is not going to bring healing to our lives. It will bring a series of sickness and eventually death but never joy and fulfillment.

I thought about his question more. Then I remembered many years ago, perhaps nine years ago, a crazed woman doused gasoline on me and tried to set me on fire. The woman did not know what she was doing. She was having a psychotic episode and this happened while we were with the children in the streets. I saw her the next day in her normal state and she smiled at me and said that I had nice hair, completely oblivious to the fact that she tried to burn it off the day before. It was quite a joy to be able to say to her, “Thank you” without feeling hatred nor anger towards her. These feelings would have eaten away in my soul and fed the demon called hatred who is lurking somewhere in the depths of my being. Forgiveness has freed me from this demon but it is not a one time event. It is a lifestyle. This demon keeps trying to pop out but I have to remind myself that forgiveness is the way to understand and appreciate the depth of salvation. In the past few weeks, this reminder came in very handy.