A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.’ Thomas answered him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Jesus said to him, ‘Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.’ John 20:26-29
This is definitely one of my favorite passages from the gospels. It gives us permission to talk about doubt. Many times people are afraid to be misunderstood when they express their doubts because most of us are taught to think that doubt is incompatible with faith.
There is doubt and then there is being consumed by doubt which is incompatible with faith. Many great saints in the history of our faith had doubts. Their doubts helped them in their faith. However, the contrary is also true. There are many who claim to have faith but doubts consumed their souls. They live in a world where everything is filtered through their doubts. It becomes their primary expression of faith.
Having doubts is not contrary to faith. Thomas had faith but he questioned what the apostles told him. If he had lost his faith, he would have gone back to whatever he was doing before he followed Jesus. Instead, he was with the apostles even though the Man in whom he based his faith was tortured and murdered right before his very eyes. Now, the apostles were telling him something incredibly new. Christ had risen from the grave. If we can place ourselves in the shoes of this man, we can understand that all this would be a bit overwhelming for any decent person. Understandably, the words of his fellow apostles were not sufficient. He had to know for himself. He had doubts and only the true living Lord could satisfy him. He was not going to base his faith on hearsay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Not to forget, all apostles only believed after they met the Risen Christ. Therefore, Thomas was not any different from any one of them. Jesus met this apostle where he was spiritually.
Jesus never rebuked Thomas for questioning the accounts of the disciples. We have to be careful that we do not insert what is not present in the text. Jesus did not rebuke Thomas! He freely attended to the apostle’s conditions so that he could be free from his doubts and believe. His demands were not reasonable at that time. Jesus was still present in flesh and blood. He wanted to meet Jesus in this manner, albeit a little morbid. Thomas had deep faith despite his doubts. It was more profound than the other apostles. The gospel tells us that he was the first one in the gospel to confess the divinity of Jesus in a public manner. The other apostles saw the resurrected Lord and were amazed. However, only Thomas connected all the dots. His doubts helped him to reconstruct his concept of Jesus. Doubts have a tendency to this. They can help us to see the magnitude of God’s love and power in a new light.
Human history reveals to us that doubts open doors to great discovery. The early philosophers expressed doubts about the veracity of the Greek mythology. Their doubts led them to seek the Truth in nature and the order of the universe. Their discovery helped them formulate the concept of the Logos, the Living Word, which our beloved evangelist redefines in his introduction of the ever-living presence of Jesus in the gospel of John. St Augustine of Hippo doubted that God in the Old Testament was the same as the One in the New Testament. His doubts helped him discover the nature of God and our limited understanding of the nature of evil. Martin Luther doubted what was taught to him in the Roman Catholic Church. He questioned the image of God which was presented to him. It freed him to rediscover the image of God revealed in Jesus. Our history is filled with people who had doubts but they never lost their faith. Their doubts helped them rediscover the face of God. However, there is an important element present in all these people. They had doubts but they were still open to receive the Truth. In other words, their doubts did not hinder their faith.
In C. S. Lewis’ book, the Last Battle, there is a scene describing a group of dwarfs sitting in a circle. They were oblivious to what was going around them. They believed that they were safe in a dark and empty shed. In reality, they were out in the open and the Sun was shining brightly. However, they only saw darkness. Everyone tried to convince them that it was Light to no avail. The dwarfs refused to believe anything but their version of reality. For them, there was only darkness and despair. Aslan, the Christ figure, prepared a sumptuous meal for them. They said that it tasted bitter and the food looked nasty. They were so consumed by their doubts that nothing good could be true. Their world was in a permanent state of darkness. Even Aslan could do nothing for them. They had made their choice. There was no room for Light in their souls.
During Holy Week, Mary and I were walking home from where we usually meet the homeless youth. We have to walk pass a sketchy part of the city. This area in the past was known as “Mouth of Trash”. In the past, there were shootouts and other violent activities in this area. Things have gotten better since then. However, it is still considered a dangerous area. We walk past it every day and we are a familiar face to that area. However, this time there was a blackout and it was about 8 o’clock in the evening. The whole area was pitch black. Only a handful of businesses had generators. The most of the apartment buildings were old and none of them were equipped with one. The streets had tons of people sitting around waiting for the power to come back. There were areas which were completely dark and abandoned. The blackout made them look more ominous than usual. These were the areas where the drug addicts usually hide to use their toxic substances. Needless to say, all the elements to make this place more dangerous than usual were present. Moreover, to make matters, there was no police around. We were abandoned to the elements. We walked about thirty minutes through this area in complete darkness. Strangely, we were not afraid. The most amazing thing was nothing happened. No one got robbed in an area usually known for thefts. There was no looting. No cars were stolen. Nothing happened. The blackout lasted for 24 hours, yes, we have an incompetent electrical service in the biggest city in Latin America. The media hardly reported on the incident except for a few measly lines about the blackout because there was nothing to say. People did not murder nor rob their neighbors. The most dangerous area of the city survived the blackout without any major crimes. There was not enough information to feed those who were consumed by darkness to affirm their constant state of doubt. We got home that night safely like every other night. We were surrounded by darkness but it did not prevail.
Sometimes people tell us how things are falling apart in the world. I admit that I do this also. When we are gather together with my friends, I tell them that things are getting from bad to worse. I stand by this statement. Every year the homeless situation here gets worse. We are seeing families living in the streets with their children. The local government is doing nothing to alleviate the plight of the homeless. Instead they force them to keep moving from location to location without providing any concrete solution. They made laws forbidding restaurants from giving leftovers to the homeless. Things are not getting better. However, it does not mean Light is not present. It does not mean God has abandoned us. Sometimes I doubt if God is really doing something. I bring my doubts to the streets and see Jesus always present showing me His wounds. Every time we bring our doubts to Him, He renews our faith in such a way that we have the courage to join Thomas and say, “My Lord and My God!” with renewed conviction. My doubts have strengthened my faith. I believe they will strengthen yours, too. As long as we are open to the Truth, despite our doubts, then these same doubts can be a blessing to our faith.
