I came to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism with which to be baptized, and what stress I am under until it is completed! Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division! From now on, five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. Luke 12:49-52

I usually go to bed late at night. It is so late that I am a little embarrassed telling anyone the exact time. I have always been like this. As a young child, my parents would send me to bed early because of school. I needed to be up by 6 am. Instead of sleeping, I would lie on my bed in the dark wide awake while my siblings slept soundly in their beds. I grew up in Singapore which is a big city trapped on a small island. Only the wealthy could afford houses. The rest of us lived in tiny one or two bedrooms apartments. Space was a luxury. We have to be creative to find a private space in our home. My father used to wait for everyone to go to bed and then he would sneak into our room and say a short prayer in the dark. He wasn’t aware that I was spying on him.

I come from a strong practicing Roman Catholic family. Like most Catholics I know, we never talk about our faith openly unlike the protestants. Even in my household, spirituality was a private matter. My father prayed in the dark every night. After he left the room, I would mimic his actions. My mother was a home maker. She would wait for everyone to leave for school and work and then recite her prayers. I was the youngest in the family so I used to watch her sit and use a prayer book every morning and evening. She never said anything about it to me. I never asked. However, it impacted me.

Every Sunday, our family would walk to church for the 7 a.m. mass. It was sheer torture for me to listen to the ramblings of the priest at such an ungodly hour. My parents thought it was important to give the first hours of the first day of the week to God. Eventually I enjoyed going to church but not for religious reasons. I had a lot of friends there. My friends and I never discussed anything religious. Like most good Catholics, our religiosity was restricted within the four walls of the church. Things followed this routine until I was sixteen and I visited an Anglican Church for the first time.

My neighbor who was about my age had recently become an Anglican and wanted me to visit his church. It was about the same as the Roman Catholic Church, liturgically speaking. However, just before the communion, the congregation prayed the prayer known as the Prayer of Humble Access. Nothing in the actual words were new to me. However, reciting the prayer in the midst of a congregation of all ages touched my soul in a profound way. I felt a fire being kindled in my soul. I realized that I had only heard about Jesus until then. At that moment, I felt His Love consuming me in a real and special way. Despite all the warnings I heard about taking communion in a Protestant church, I went forth to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus. It was as if I received it for the first time in my life. Something in me changed. I went home excited to share this new and wonderful thing with my parents. They were the ones who taught me everything about God. I shared what happened. My mother thought it was the end of the world. My father warned me sternly that I was never to return to the Anglican Church. I thought that there was going to be peace and joy but instead there was division and tears.

I was truly confused. The love I felt in my heart gave me the confidence that everything would get better. This is what Love does to our souls. It gives the assurance that God’s love will overcome all obstacles which prevent us from living full and abundant lives. However, in order to overcome these obstacles we need to confront them. Many times these obstacles come from the very ones who taught us everything about Love. You might wonder why is this so? There is no adequate answer and maybe there shouldn’t be one. It suffices to know that Love is a purifying force. It is a fire burning away all impurities so that we can grown into a richer and fuller understanding of God’s love. Sometimes it is necessary to leave behind false notions. The process of purification is not pleasant. It is painful. It requires a change of mindset. Sometimes people are not ready for it.

The words we heard from the gospel text today are considered part of the tough sayings of Jesus. These sayings are not rules to make our lives more difficult. They are meant to prepare us for reality. They also free us from false illusions. We tend to think that the goodness and love of Jesus will be readily received by everyone. In fact, many times it is rejected and misunderstood. Love is a purifying force. It always guides us to take a step closer to God. No one can say that they don’t need to grow in the knowledge and understanding of Love. However, there are many who would prefer that Love remains in the small limited space of their lives.

Even Jesus faced this difficulty with His family. Jesus often spoke out of His own life experiences. The gospel of Mark tells us that his family thought Jesus was out of His mind. It is strange to see that even Mother Mary was included with this lot. One would think that she, of all people, would understand what Jesus was doing. She experienced God’s love in a manner that no human being in this world could have ever experienced. She was God’s chosen instrument to bring Jesus into this world. She paid a price for this special place and suffered willingly for God. Therefore, we might think that she shouldn’t be too shocked with what Jesus was doing. The problem is that Love of God acts in mysterious ways. It was so strange and different that even Mary wasn’t quite prepared for it. There is a lesson here for all of us. We should never think that we know how God’s love will manifest itself. It is a mystery in the sense that we can not reduce God’s Love to a mere formula. God’s love is free to act in the way He pleases. All we can do is to be open to His Love. One thing is for sure. God’s love opens up our world. It never closes nor restricts it. We will never know why His family thought He was out of his mind. One thing we know for sure is that Jesus was revealing God’s love in a way that was radically different from what was unexpected and this was divisive.

My parents prohibited me from entering the Anglican Church again. I obeyed for two weeks. Finally, I decided to have a heart to heart conversation with my parents. I told them that something had happened to my soul and my whole body is yearning to be a place where I can learn about this fire in my soul. It wasn’t about a church denomination but about being in a place where I can grow in the knowledge of God’s love. To my surprise, my father understood. It took my mother a while. He asked me to attend Roman Catholic mass every Sunday and I could go to the Anglican Church after. He did not want me to make a definite decision until I turned 18. For two years I attended two churches and then I chose the Anglican Church. Eventually my parents embraced the fact that it was the Love of God that led me to where I am today. They realized that it wasn’t a defiance against the things that they taught me. It was something that flowed naturally from the lessons their spirituality had imparted in me.

The Love of God which purifies our hearts and souls will bring divisions in our relationships. We should not be discouraged or offended when this happens. It is the kind of Love that is incompatible with the values of this world. It is the kind of Love that exposes the obstacles we, as humans, create in our relationship with each other. Some might want to hold on these obstacles. However, this does not mean that God’s love is unable to penetrate their souls. His Love will always overcome. This is the assurance we have. However, let us also pray that we don’t become the ones who become an obstacle to God’s love. There is a danger that this might happen, too. We need to be always be open to the purifying power of God’s love. Sometimes, it is very human for us to doubt when God’s love does something new in our midst. It is in our human nature to resist these changes.

We can follow the example of Mother Mary. She was on the side of Jesus’ brothers and sisters and then we read that she was at the side of Jesus at the foot of the Cross. She was open to God’s love even though she had some doubts initially. The most important thing is for us to be sensitive to God’s love burning in our hearts and always open and humble for this Love to transform us.