Author: fr.stephendass@gmail.com

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Reading with Danyel

And when the ten heard it, they began to be greatly displeased with James and John. But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.” Mark 10: 41-42

I don’t know much about cars. I never was interested in them. I learned to drive much later in life and I did it with a certain reluctance. However, when the hood of the car starting smoking, I knew that it would be best to stop. I was in a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. I was in search of trout in the one of the many secluded lakes in state of Maine. I never questioned the wisdom of driving around alone in isolated regions until that moment. This occurred during pre-cellphone days. As I was staring helplessly at the fuming hood, I heard a voice. I did not realize a truck had pulled over to the side of the road. It was a woman’s voice. She said that she saw the the smoking car and assumed that I needed some assistance. I was honest. I told her that I was just going through the motion of looking at the hood. I had absolutely no clue what was wrong with the car. She was with a child in her truck and she told me that she could give a ride to her brother’s house which was nearby and he was a mechanic. There wasn’t much of an option for me so I went with her. Everything worked out thanks to her kindness. This was more than fifteen years ago. Maybe the woman doesn’t remember me at all. We never exchanged names or anything like that. Her willingness to stop and help a complete stranger has left a mark in my life. I will never forget her or her brother. They were willing to be servants to a helpless man whom they never met before. Their actions enriched my soul. They reinforced my hope in the goodness of human beings even though I keep hearing the contrary in the news media.

When I was young child, my uncle asked me the indispensable question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Even though I was barely seven, I was ready with a genuine answer. We lived in a tiny apartment without any TV. My only form of entertainment was looking out of the window and watching people go about doing their everyday things. I had a bird’s eye view of what people did and who was having a good time doing it. My answer came from my untainted observations. I told my uncle that I wanted to be a street sweeper or trash pick-up person. There was a silence first followed by boisterous laughter from my parents and uncle. I was quite surprised at their reactions. This is why I still remember the occasion. I laughed with them not knowing what was really funny. When TV came into our home, I understood. I was exposed to what the world considered successful professions. Greatness in this world means being impressive to others. In my childish naïveté, I thought it was something to do happiness and making the world more beautiful. I realized that I was not ambitious enough. I should aim higher than being a road sweeper (maybe I should use the more sophisticated term, sanitation professional). Now that I am older with a better understanding of my faith, I realized that I gave my uncle the right answer. The road sweepers are quiet servants of society. Their presence in our society makes our lives pleasant and beautiful. Imagine a week without someone to pick up trash or clean the roads. Then you will know why they are so important in our lives.

James and John wanted to be great in the Kingdom of God and so did the other disciples. They followed Jesus because they aspired to be like Him. For the first time in their lives, greatness was accessible to them. In their societies, only nobility could imagine being great. All of us can understand their desire. We want to believe that we are made for greatness. We would follow anyone who promises us this. However, the truth is that eventually most of us give up on the endeavor because, frankly speaking, the “greatness” of this world is not accessible to everyone.

The apostles were mad with James and John because they thought that these brothers were trying to steal “greatness” from them. In a way, they were right. The “great things” that this world offers are limited. Not everyone is going to be a doctor, not everyone is going to a successful businessman or the president. Popular wisdom tells that we can be who we desire to be. We are given random examples of successful people; the famous rags to riches stories. However, they hide the fact that many failed even though they were desirous to do great things. There are countless “riches to rags” stories too. The world offers a life of greatness with a high price. It is not one that is based in love. You need to ruthless and even heartless to be great in this world. The greatest leaders in this world are not necessarily compassionate people. They don’t have time to stop and help a helpless stranded man on the side of the road. If they do, it would be in the headlines because it would be such a rare occurrence. As for servants, they are just around us quietly doing their work and making life precious and beautiful to those who come in contact with them.

Jesus said, “Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. “ Mark 10:43-44

Danyel asked us to buy him a book for his birthday. It was based on a video game. We were a little hesitant at first. Video games, over the years, have become gradually more violent and sexually explicit. He assured us that this one was quite decent. We agreed and we got him the book. However, he hasn’t read a book in his life and he needed our help. He asked if I could read to him. I prepared myself mentally to read something tedious because I find these games to be a dreadful bore. On the other hand, reading with our children is an educational opportunity that I never want to forgo. We sat down and read the book together.

The story was a classical tale of battle between good and evil. The plot was immensely complicated. The central character was a wise old man who had to lay down his life to save the whole of humanity. Throughout our reading, Danyel interrupted us to share and explain the significance of all the symbols. He explained to us that the old man who sacrificed his life never really died. The good that he has done never dies. It always resurrected again and again in another person. At the end of each long chapter, I asked if he wanted to stop or carry on, he smiled and said let’s move on. We talked more about the gospel reading this book then we ever did in all our time together.

I don’t think I have ever read so many chapters out aloud in Portuguese before. I never noticed that reading aloud requires our mouth to exercise different muscles which I never knew existed and they were tired. However, it was worth it. We had a special time with Danyel and he enjoyed his time with us. For the short moment we spent together, life was beautiful and special for the three of us. He served us and we served him. He taught us a special lesson; goodness never dies. In reality, there is nothing new in this statement but hearing it from Danyel made it seem special and new.

Being great in the Kingdom of God is not about being impressive to others. It is being like the road sweepers of my childhood who made the world beautiful and peaceful in their quiet manner. It is showing love to a stranded stranger on a deserted road. It is giving because giving in itself is a beautiful and peaceful thing. The road sweepers, the people from Maine, and even Danyel will never read this post. It is okay. They don’t need to do it. The goodness they have deposited in their simple way in my life will bear fruit. Well, at least, it makes me understand the beauty and value of life.

Being a servant is definitely a great way to live our lives.

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Meaningful Life

As he was setting out on a journey, a man ran up and knelt before him, and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Mark 10:17

Everyone’s talking about money. There is an election campaign going on. Everyone is talking about the economy. Everything seem to be reduced to money. Even in the above gospel story, the name given to this episode was based on the wealth of the young person. However, the focus is really on his question. How did it become about money? He wanted to know if there was something deeper and meaningful for his life. In other words, he wanted eternal life. He wasn’t asking about life after the death. Jewish people in Jesus’ time did not have an elaborate idea of heaven and hell as we do in the modern times. Eternal life was living in a way that his name would be remembered by the following generations. It is something that most of us can identify with. We share his desire. We want to leave our mark in this world. However, I would be afraid to ask Jesus such a question. His answers are not necessarily the ones that we want might to hear. If anything, this young man should be commended for his courage. However, asking the right question is not the greatest challenge. Living the answer is the toughest part. The end of this story is tragic one.

I had a hard time keeping focused this week. We are living in a turbulent and chaotic moment in history. The election results revealed that everything is unfolding quickly. We cannot pretend that the political and social environment do not affect us. When we came here about five years ago, everyone was optimistic. Today, a sense of uneasiness is felt in the streets, not to mention an underlying hostility and hatred that is going to erupt at any moment. Our children were the outsiders of the previous optimism. They are usually outsiders of society but, for some strange reasons, they are always the first to suffer when things fall apart. In this uncertain time, I wonder if I dare to ask the question, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” Perhaps I would rephrase the question in line with my understanding of Jesus and ask, “How do I live out my eternal life?” The answer came to me in the most unusual way. It came through the testimony of a holocaust survivor.

I have been fortunate to have several unusual but special encounters with holocaust survivors. They seem to appear like angels in significant moments in my life. Once I was on what was supposed to be a ten minute bus ride which ended up to be a two hour long encounter with a elderly Jewish lady from Holland who sat next to me. She wanted to give me something precious from her life and I could not refuse. This time my encounter was not personal but it was through a video clip. I watched an interview of a holocaust victim who was born in Brazil. His family made the mistake of returning to their paternal home for a short visit just as Hitler rose to power. It ended tragically for the whole family and this elderly man spent his late teenage years in the infamous concentration camp of Auschwitch. He remembered clearly meeting met the wretched Josef Mengele twice in this camp. The most amazing thing about this ninety year old survivor was that he had the capability to connect spiritually with me even though there was an immense medium separating us. He shared with his soul and those who listened were transformed eternally.

His testimony was simple. He shared his day to day life in the camp and how he survived. The first thing he learned to give up was his family. He gave up the idea of ever seeing them again or the idea of having a family in the future. Then little by little everything he thought that was necessary for life was taken away from him. The most amazing thing he said was that he still felt alive and never thought about giving up. He shared that the last thing that was taken away from him was his sense of hygiene. His body was infested with bugs and other nasty creatures. His clothes were soiled with human waste. He said that it did not bother him anymore. All he wanted to do was to be with his friends and survive. He wasn’t sure if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He just lived on a daily basis. As he was describing his state, it made me realize that many of the homeless live like he did in the concentration camp. I remember many times that I would try to avoid some of the adults because of the stench that comes from their soiled clothes. I often wondered how they could live like this. Here this man was sharing how he survived in this state for years and eventually he came to accept it. His life was stripped down to mere basics. His enemies tried to dehumanize him but somehow he became more human. He himself admitted that he was amazed how we as humans are able to adapt and still live. He made a lifelong friend there who helped him to push on through. This friend just passed away three years ago. When he was emancipated from the camp, all he wanted do was to eat whenever he wanted and walk wherever he wanted to go. He added that years later, he forgot about this simplicity and started running after acquiring useless stuff. Now, he stopped accumulating things but just enjoys being alive and free. He wants to share the joy of life in its simplicity to everyone. He is living his eternal life now.

When he was asked if he would change anything in his past, he pondered the question for a while and said, “It is part of who I am and I won’t know how to live now without this experience.”

The thing is that this man had so much life that it immediately connected those who were willing to listen. He paid a high price for it. He lost home, parents and even himself in the process. He was stripped down to bare humanity. Now he is full of life. This was something that the young man in the gospel yearned for so much but he walked away because the price was too high. His wealth represented his security. We can identify with him. We like to feel secure. We don’t like things that we believe are necessary to us to be taken away from us. At the same time, we want to impact the lives of people in this world for the better. We want to do this because it is something our souls yearn to do. It is who we are. We are made to be reflection of God’s image. However, there are many things which hold us back. Sometimes they need to be taken away from us to help us discover our true selves. The journey to self-discovery is not easy or pleasant. Jesus took this journey and He fulfilled His calling on the Cross. He was stripped of everything but He gained everything at the same time. The question is there for us to ask. Do we have the courage to live out the answer? I am not sure if I do but perhaps, His grace will give me the strength. I saw His grace being manifested in the face of the elderly man who lived in inhumane conditions for years and yet has gained everything he needs to emanate eternal life.

I don’t think that I have nothing more to add here. I just need to contemplate before asking the tough question. To be honest, I am afraid of the answer.

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A Lesser Known Point of View

The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. Mark 10:2

“Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them. Mark 10:14-16

I used to think that the central theme of this gospel passage was divorce. I also used to have a simplistic view about these things. I told myself that I would stand against divorce because Jesus disapproved of it. I read this gospel passage in church one Sunday. More than half my congregation were divorced and into their second marriage. They were in the church and I assumed that they were desirous to live their lives for God. Most importantly, I knew and loved them. I was aware of their struggles. Consequently, I decided to preach on something else. Today I am not going to avoid the subject.

The Pharisees were asking a strange question. They wanted to know if God endorsed rejection. They wanted to know if a man could reject his wife in favor of another. It was a trap because they knew that Jesus was against any form of rejection. Jesus gave the perfect answer. Divorce was allowed in the Law because people are cruel and violent. Jesus spoke out against divorce in his time because it was used as a means to discard wives after men got tired of them.

To be discarded is the worst thing that could happen to a human being. Our children and teens would prefer to be hated and despised than discarded. No one thinks about you anymore when you are unwanted. Women had a limited role in Jesus’ society. Being divorced meant that one of their primary roles was stripped away from them. The women had no voice in the question of divorce. They had to endure the rejection and isolation on their own. No one spoke on their behalf. The Pharisees were only interested in knowing if a man had the right to divorce his wife. They did not think much about the women in this matter. However, Jesus was thinking about the women in His response.

Children in ancient times were also disposable things. Today we have made some impressive progress in this aspect but there is a long way ahead of us. Things were definitely worse in the past. A casual reading of a fairy tale from the Grimm Brothers will remind us of what people thought about children back then. Hansel and Gretel were left in the forest because there was not enough food for the whole family. It was the logical thing to do at that time. The children were unproductive members of the family and therefore, they had to go unless they could prove their worth. This was the so-called happy ending of the story for those who can remember. It is a terrible story and maybe I have ruined it for everyone. It was a common idea then that children were dispensable. This idea still prevails. Unfortunately, we live in a place where children continue to be exploited. Our children in the streets are not unlike Hansel and Gretel. Gabriel told us once in complete seriousness that he was helping his mother by sleeping in the streets. She has one less mouth to feed, he said.

The apostles sternly opposed the children’s presence and turned them away from Jesus. The disciples were not being unkind. They were just products of a culture where children had to prove their worth before they could be taken seriously. Jesus was different. He wanted the children to come to Him. He made them first in a world where they were considered last.

Women and children were given the priority in Jesus’ ministry. Children were considered the model of our faith whereas the women were the first to testify the most significant events in the gospels: His Incarnation and His Resurrection. In almost every crucial moment in Jesus’ life, there was a woman present. Mother Mary was a significant presence in His first miracle. A Gentile woman was the only one to win an argument against Jesus… there are just too many to site. These examples could be easily missed if we are reading the gospels or the Bible from a different perspective. However, it would be silly to think that women and children hold a special place because they are more spiritual or holier than the rest. The reason for their special status in the gospels is that they were ones who were rejected and overlooked in Jesus’ society and this attitude continues to the present day. God chooses to see things from the perspective of the underdogs or scapegoats of society. The Pharisees were trying to make their case from their position of authority and power. They wanted Jesus to admit that the Law was on their side. Jesus just pointed out that the Law recognizes their cruel and hardened hearts. Then He stood by those who were rejected and despised.

After almost five years of knowing him, Wanderson finally shared with us about his time in an orphanage. He was there together with his siblings for a long time until a couple adopted him. However, initially he refused to be adopted. He wanted to be his siblings. The couple decided to adopt all of them together. He only had good things to say about this couple. Then Mary asked him why he was in the streets. He could not answer her. He is not the only one. Bruna shared a similar experience. She was in a convent for orphans and then she was adopted by a family. She loves them deeply. She visits them from time to time. However, she would not stay with them. All you have to do listen attentively to their stories and you will hear the fact that they remember being rejected by their biological mother. They were discarded by the one who was suppose to love and embrace them. The rejection is still deeply implanted in their hearts. It was the first thing they encountered in this life and it continues to haunt them. They cannot go through life without feeling this fear that they are going to be discarded at any moment.

Rejection from the one who was supposed to love you unconditionally. How can anyone recover from such a painful rejection? There are many in this world who walk around carrying this pain and loneliness in their soul.

The gospel is not magic. There are a lot of magicians disguised as Christians today. They think everything will be solved by “accepting” Jesus. This is the not gospel of Jesus. Jesus works with us where we are. He starts by sitting next to those who hurt and rejected in this world. He starts by looking at life from their perspective. He starts by listening to them in order to understand their pain and loneliness. Most importantly, you can never find anywhere in the gospels where He gives quick and easy cures to people who are suffering and rejected. Only one who claims to have the power to give such instant results is the devil.

I have often heard about the high divorce rate and the failure of marriage, etc.etc. However, Jesus is not interested in this statistic. He is interested in the souls that have sensed the pain of rejection and isolation. I would imagine that a church that truly follows Jesus would be one filled with people who are divorced, women and men who are abandoned and rejected, and children who have a constant fear of being forgotten and all the scapegoats of our present society. I think that our reading of the gospel will be very different then.

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Little Ones

“For everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt. Salt is good, but if the salt loses its flavor, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another.”- Mark 9:49-50

I read a short story recently with less than twenty lines. It was a simple anecdote about a teacher writing about a comment a student made regarding an older teacher.
One particular line struck me.

“He taught me how to overcome my fear of making mistakes.”

This phrase quickened my spirit. It dominated my thoughts. Education has been one of our focuses in the streets but not in the traditional sense. Commonly people tend to say that education will help a person secure a good job in the future. We don’t talk about this with our children. We have seen enough of reality here not to make such dubious promises. However, we believe that education is necessary for our children because it is good in itself. Almost all the homeless children and teens went to school for a short period. They have been successfully taught to be fearful of school. They are not opposed to learning, they are just weary of being taught. I can understand their resistance. I remember learning a second language in school and the only thing I acquired from the experience was the fear of making mistakes. The disappointed look on the teacher’s face and the obvious lack of interest and patience in teaching me have tainted my desire to learn for years. I was instilled with a fear of making mistakes. Then later on in life, I learned to speak the very same language fluently without being taught in a formal setting. However, I still have along way to overcome my fear of making mistakes.

Like everyone else, I have been making mistakes from the day I was born. I fell countless of times before I learn to walk. I even have a big bump on my forehead to prove it. I learned not to run into walls after this. It remains as a good reminder for me; mistakes are a necessary part of the learning process. However, along the way, well-intentioned people have instilled a lie into my thinking. The day I went to school, I was told that making mistakes was a sign of stupidity. Children who made less mistakes were graded better than the rest of the less perfect mortals. I got so paranoid about making mistakes that learning lost its charm. I wanted to learn but I was afraid of making mistakes which incapacitates the whole process. However, I consider myself fortunate. I was constantly surrounded by people who loved to learn and eventually they inspired me to become a learner. Interestingly, they never tried to teach me anything. They just inspired me with their love for knowledge and humility. Our children and teens did not have the advantage of having this kind of people around.

Playing games with our children has revealed to us the kind of education they received, not just in a formal environment but in general. Whenever one of them makes a mistake in a game of checkers or a card game, the others are quick to call the another an “idiot” or other degrading names. It took us a long time to stop this detrimental habit.

It was a trembling hand that triggered this series of thoughts. The hand belongs to Wallace. He is 22 years and does not know how to write his name. He has been to school when he was young where he learned to be afraid of making mistakes. So much so that he gave up trying. He believed that he was incapable of learning. He is not wrong in one sense. You cannot learn without making mistakes.

I wanted to ask him tons of questions about his schooling. I decided to refrain myself. I realized that questions only made things worse. It would appear as if I was trying to analyze him, as if there is something wrong with him. Besides, our kids are constantly bombarded with questions from the police and social workers and even random strangers. They don’t need us to do the same. I wanted to help him without asking questions. Finally, I decided to share my own fears of learning something new and how I am learning to overcome them. I told him that I just keep doing the same over and over again until I feel confident. I admitted that I still haven’t overcome my fear of making mistakes. Wallace tried writing for three minutes and then the trembling got quite bad and we told him that he can stop and try again tomorrow. We asked what he wanted to do next. He wanted to play a game and chat with us. He talked with us for almost two hours; a rare thing for this usually reserved young man but thankfully it is becoming more common recently.

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”-Mark 9:42

I have always heard a narrow interpretation of this verse. It is always limited to some dreadful crime or act that is distant from the kind of acts regular people would commit. However, St. James in his epistle talked about a dangerous tool that we possess which is capable of making a person paralyzed spiritually for years. It is none other than our tongue. Wallace heard enough words from people around him and even from the media to make him feel useless and fearful of doing the most simplest thing. I know young adults who were sexually and physical abused when they were children. As adults, they are able to deal with the consequences of these heinous acts against them but these same adults still cannot overcome the hurtful words someone said about them. Our children call each other all kinds of degrading names when one makes a simple mistake. They were not born with these words. Someone gave them to them.

We cannot change the past. We cannot erase these words.

I cannot tell Wallace not to be afraid of making mistakes if I am afraid of making them myself. Perhaps, this is where making mistakes in our Portuguese helps. The children and teens know that we are not native speakers of their language because of our mistakes. We make them quite frequently. However, it doesn’t stop us from achieving our goal which is to be with them. We still are able to communicate fluently the things that we want to say to them. They understand us completely. They know that we enjoy being with them.

After our game with Wallace, he said that tomorrow he wants to practice more. He added that he wants to overcome his fear of learning with our help. I suppose this what Jesus means by being the salt of the world. Salt preserves a good thing in a world that tries to destroy it. Will Wallace rediscover his desire to learn? We are hopeful.

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Things Received

And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. He spoke this word openly. Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. But when He had turned around and looked at His disciples, He rebuked Peter, saying, “Get behind Me, Satan! For you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.” -Mark 8:31-33

When I started doing this, the blog I mean, my intention was to be connected with people who are interested in this ministry. Its original idea was to update our weekly experiences with the children and teens. Now, it has evolved into something else. The development was natural and perhaps, we can say that it was Spirit-led. It has become a place where I can share things that I have received from God. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I received until I begin to write. The words usually speak to my soul first. Sometimes what I write turns out to be mere reporting or writing for the sake of writing. I don’t do anything with these efforts. They remained hidden in my archives. They need to speak my soul before I can share them with everyone else. In a way, this has become something selfish in a positive way.

There is another selfish reason. I am afraid of losing the things that I received. Our capacity to remember things loses its reliability over the years. There are precious encounters that I don’t want to ever forget. However, sometimes I don’t really understand why they are special. It is as if I stumble upon a hidden treasure but I am not exactly sure why it is a treasure. They just find a place in my soul and refuse to leave until I give them their due attention. Many times they are things that would seem truly mundane to a casual observer. There is nothing spectacular or sensational about them; just plain and simple everyday things.

Wallace came up and sat next to us a few weeks ago. He was in the mood to talk. He just started talking about his family. It was something he wanted to share. He mentioned his mother. He told us that he cannot remember what her face looks like. This was the second time he shared this with us. The first time was in an office where we were getting his documents. He just sat there, lost in his thoughts, and then blurted out that he has absolutely no recollection of his mother. Then he went back to his silent reflection.

This time was different. He shared that he had an older sister and his aunts say that she looks like his mother. Unfortunately, he has never met her before. He has brothers and sisters that he has never seen. We did not probe him with questions. Asking questions interrupts the flow of the conversation. Sometimes it creates a distance between him and us. Wallace wants to be closer to us, not further. We discarded the questions and just listened.

He has an older brother who also lives in the streets. They occasionally go home to be with their father, only for a few days at a time. He has a strange relationship with his father. There wasn’t any bitterness or anger in his voice. He just talked about his normal day-to-day relationship with his father. Something was clearly evident in what he shared. His father unintentionally always thought the worst of him and Wallace spends most of his time trying to prove that he is innocent of most of the accusations. Even in the streets, he avoids all criminal activities. He doesn’t try to exploit people. He begs for money just enough to pay for his food and nothing else. The thing that he desires most is peace and quiet. He is a simple young man who has simple goals. He wants to work as a trash man because he would be allowed to do his job without anyone looking over his shoulder.

He talked with us for a long time.The conversation was absolutely interesting for us, not because of the content but the person who was sharing his story. Wallace hardly shares anything about himself. He is one of the most reserved youths in the street. However, today, he wanted to give. We listened and we sensed that this young man was offering something precious to us.

As with the most valuable things in the world like precious stones or beautiful art, their value is only recognized when they shared and appreciated by others. Most of the breathtaking and gorgeous things of the world have no practical value. They just help us see and appreciate beauty in this world.

Wallace’s simple interaction with us is fruit of years of excavating into the heart of this young man. He shared what was valuable to him and now I feel like I stumble upon something that needs to be shared. I don’t share every conversation we have in the streets. Some are private and most of them are just plain boring and lifeless. These are usually conversations tainted with lies and fantasy. However, there are special encounters that take root and grow in our hearts and eventually they need to be released into the world. These are moments that do not belong to me or any person who receives them. They are too precious and beautiful for us to keep them to ourselves. We have to share them.

Often I stumble around in my thoughts trying to find the precise words to allow these encounters to flow out of me. Sometimes I can’t find the words until the right moment, then they flow out of me. It is as if someone planted the words in my mind. When this happens, my heart is filled with a deep joy. There is a profound happiness in sharing what is given to us. For the first time in my life, I can read the gospel where Peter responds to Jesus’ pivotal question, I understand the profound joy Peter must have felt confessing Jesus’ true nature. Finally he was able to put all the encounters he had with Jesus into the words; “You are the Christ.” I can also understand why he become the “devil” immediately after this fact. In fact, it was this second part that inspired my reflection.

It seems harsh to call Peter the devil. At the same time, it makes complete sense. It serves as a warning. If Peter, who confessed the perfect words about his encounter with Jesus could become the “devil”, then we need to be very careful. The Christian idea of the devil is an angel who mistook what he had received as his own right and property. Peter thought that since he knew something deep and personal about the Lord that somehow Jesus belonged to him. He thought that he had a say in the direction of Jesus’ life. This was the devil’s mistake. Nothing we receive belongs to us. Everything belongs to God and we give it back to him, just like they say in our liturgy during our offertory,

“All things come from Thee, O Lord and of your Thine have we given Thee.”
(1 Chronicles 29:14)

The encounters and the words to express them come from God. They never belonged to me. I just receive them and my soul remains restless until I offer them back to God in words. After this, they don’t belong to me anymore. Our encounter with Wallace will speak to some people and they will sense in their souls a connection and pray for him. Maybe more so than I will ever pray for him, if I were to be honest. Maybe it will take some people in a completely different direction and perhaps even away from our ministry and Wallace. It might help them to relate better with someone else that is special and precious to them. It doesn’t matter. I cannot control the direction where the Spirit will take these words and encounters. They don’t belong to me. They are just precious gifts given to me so that I can share to everyone why some rejected homeless children and teens have made our lives richer than they can ever imagine.

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Finding My Way

Then the Pharisees and scribes asked Him, “Why do Your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashed hands?”-Mark 7: 5

And He said, “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.”- Mark 7: 20-23

A conversation between friends that made me think differently about the Pharisees and myself.

Every time I read about Jesus’ interactions with the Pharisees, I am faced with two options. I could look at the Pharisees as a people completely different from me. Consequently, I judge them because I want to make it clear that they are distinct from me. In my mind, I could consider myself being better than them because I can see Jesus’ point of view clearly. Then I am reminded of another gospel passage where Jesus reveals in a parable the inner thoughts of a Pharisees regarding a tax collector. It is exactly my attitude that I just mentioned. By judging a Pharisee, I inevitably become more like them.

The other option is for me to be more sympathetic towards them. I can make an attempt to understand them. After all, they were genuinely religious people who wanted to live their lives in a way worthy of their spiritual vocation. I can appreciate this. I want to do the same. Their main aim was to prepare themselves for the coming of the Messiah. Somehow they lost their way and became his enemies. Unfortunately, this is a more terrifying option. Everything indicates that in my fervent religiosity I can unknowingly become the enemy of the very person I am trying to serve.

Either option comes back to me in the negative. Whenever Jesus confronted the Pharisees for their limited way of interpreting God’s actions in this world, His words are also a challenge to me. I am a potential Pharisee or maybe I am already full-fledged Pharisee and I just don’t know it. I hope that there is a way out of this dilemma. Perhaps I need to ask the right questions and the conversation we had with our friends helped.

They are a couple. They both work in two different high-end shopping malls. They have the same clientele. It is not uncommon for them to meet people who spend exorbitant amounts every month of money on clothes. In some countries, this may not be a problem. However, in this city, everyday it is not uncommon to see families living and sleeping in the streets. Then my friends encounter people who spent what others earn in a year on one single trip to their store. The contrast is too great for anyone to ignore. Two different people had two contrasting opinions about their clients. One was more honest and perhaps even brutal. The other tended to be more appeasing and gracious, perhaps a little bit out of touch with reality. One is right and the one is wrong. This is what we like to imagine. In reality, it is not a question of who is right or wrong. Each of them have created a way of thinking that helps them deal with their reality. They chose to see only certain aspects of reality, perhaps one has a better grasp of truth than the other. Nevertheless, this is not the point. As human beings, we create a rational order in our head to survive in this world. We have to carefully choose our “truths” to help us function in this world. Naturally it also means that some things have to be discarded or ignored. We construct a world that helps us understand why things are the way they are so that we go on with life…until Someone comes disrupts everything. They don’t just disrupt our comfortable world, they also make it inconvenient for us to go on thinking like we used to do.

Our children and teens have devised a way of reasoning out their reality. They use all the tools available to them to create this world. Their religious background, their positive and negative experiences with people, the words they have heard said about them, things they observed in life in general; all these are prime materials to construct their world. However, the world we create in our minds is not invincible or impenetrable. It is imperfect and therefore vulnerable. It cannot resist change especially when it is confronted with Love. True perfect Love disrupts our world. This is why lovers are frequently disoriented. The fabric of their created reality falls apart when confronted with Love. It is possible to reject Love in order to persist in our limited concept of reality. It seems like a high price to pay. Unfortunately people do it all the time and I could be one of them, just like the Pharisees.

These Pharisees are a pain, not because they rejected Jesus, but because of who they were. It would have been easier if they were rogues with total disregard for anything religious. Unfortunately, they were self-consciously obedient to the Law. They wanted to be the ones who usher in the glorious reign of the Messiah. They followed everything religiously so to speak and thought that this alone was sufficient. Therefore, I cannot fall into this trap of complacency. As I tried to figure out a way to avoid this pitfall, the concept of virtues kept coming up. Coincidentally, several days later, I stumbled upon a lecture given by an agnostic history professor in Brazil and his topic was on the cardinal virtues. He advocated the return to virtuous living to live a complete life. Maybe it was the Holy Spirit leading me. It is strange that I hardly hear cardinal virtues spoken in churches. It seems like something we should hear among those who want to be like their Lord. Jesus was the embodiment of all what philosophers described as the complete life. He manifested all the virtues. St Paul dedicated a significant portion to Jesus’ humility in his letter to the Philippians and he was a Pharisee before.

In our ministry, humility means recognizing that the world that I have constructed in my head is the not the perfect world for everyone. That entails that I have to listen and learn how our children and teen have constructed their lives. My role is not to judge their fabrications because humility reminds me that I also have fabricated a world. We all live in worlds that are a mixture of fantasy and reality. Therefore, we cannot judge people by the standards of our imaginary concept. This leaves us with only one thing. Regardless of how people decide to see the world, Love is something that transcends all artificial realities. In the words of a former Pharisee,

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.- I Corinthians 13:2

Virtues make me realize that I need Love. This is what I understand for now. However, there is a long journey ahead of me.

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Difficult Symbols

“Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like that which your ancestors ate, and they died. But the one who eats this bread will live forever.” He said these things while he was teaching in the synagogue at Capernaum. When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?” -John 6:56-60

Because of this many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him.  So Jesus asked the twelve, “Do you also wish to go away?”- John 6:66-67

Bruna and Wanderson went to Mass.

I feel like I am starting this in the middle. The beginning is a little strange and perhaps may seem even a little unrelated. However, this is the way I began in my reflection. Therefore, I am going to start the way my meditation began. In a convoluted way, it has something to do with the disturbing words of Jesus.

His words brought me back to 1993, my first time in Brazil, before I started working with the children. I walked passed a store with a sign that said “religious artifacts”. A statue of an elderly black gentleman dressed in a white suit smoking a pipe stood at the entrance. My curiosity was perked. I walked in and discovered a completely different religious world. Everything in the store was connected to worship but apparently nothing was directly related to Christianity. There were deities of all shapes and sizes and they appeared to be of African origin tinged with some European influence. There was a statue of St George, at least that’s what it said. It was nothing like the ones I have seen in the church’s stained glass windows. The old Black Man in white suit was apparently very important. He was represented in many of the images. There was a deity with a ferocious dog-like face which reminded me of a personality in Indonesian folklore. The most unsettling one was the figurine that looked very much like the devil of our imaginations, all red including the horns. I had to ask about this particular one. The store owner said that he just sold the items and denied any knowledge of its significance. He wasn’t very convincing. However, I did not want to pursue it. I left the shop convinced that satanic worship was alive and present in Brazil. Now, I am a little older and slightly ashamed that I jumped to such conclusions, not to mention, that such an attitude is also disrespectful. Thankfully, I kept my opinion to myself. I still don’t know what all the deities represented. I will never understand it because it is not my religion or my faith. They have a mythology where all these symbols and personalities fit in perfectly. I can read about them but I will always remain an outsider. They will always seem strange and unnerving to me but it doesn’t make them evil. I don’t remember anywhere in the gospels Jesus going around passing judgments on other religions. However, Jesus did do something quite disturbing. He told us that unless we become like cannibals we cannot be part of Him. At least, this is what it would sound like to an outsider. It is easy to jump to conclusions when you are an outsider.

Now, I can go to back to Bruna and Wanderson. They went to Mass. They heard the words, “Take and eat, this is my Body” and “Drink, this is my Blood which was given for you.” They went to a Roman Catholic Church where doctrine teaches that the Bread and Wine in a mysterious way become the Body and Blood of Christ. They take the words of Jesus quite literally. Different branches of Christianity have tried to tone down it and make His words more feasible. Something which our Lord Himself refuses to do. Instead, He intensified it. He said, “He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him” (John 6:56). The word, ‘eat’ in original Greek could mean to gnaw. Jesus was really putting a lot of emphasis on chewing and eating of His body. The part still makes us cringe a little bit if we think about it deeply. However, Bruna and Wanderson heard these words and they did not feel uncomfortable. It made sense to them because they were not outsiders. It is not that they were ignorant of its implications. These words are very simple and extremely profound. Their meaning is never lost to those who have ears and eyes to see the Truth. They did not need to have access to sophisticated theological explanation to make sense of everything. I am not sure if most theologians understand the true significance of Jesus’ words. Wanderson and Bruna understood what was offered to them. Perhaps, if I asked them to explain it to me, they would be lost for words. However, they knew that Jesus was offering something marvelous to them. Jesus was inviting them to become part of His body.

They went to Mass, not because they were forced into doing it. They noticed that some Franciscan friars were saying mass in the public square. It was open to everyone. Bruna wanted to go and Wanderson agree to go with her. They stayed until the end. I am not sure if they partook in the Communion. They never said much about it. They just wanted us to know that they went to Mass.

The following day, I was reading with Wanderson. After we got done, he stood up and approached a homeless man whose arms and legs were bandaged. He looked as if he had suffered a very bad accident. Wanderson sat next to him and whispered something to him gently. He wasn’t aware that I was paying attention to his actions. They spoke for a few minutes and then he came back to where I was. He did not say anything about his conversation. Then few days later, there was another homeless man who was clearly mentally-ill and looked very much lost in the streets. Wanderson did the same thing again. He got up and approached the man and spoke to him. This time I had to ask. He told me that the Mass he attended was to give thanks for the inauguration of a new shelter for homeless adults. He wanted these people to know that there was a place for them to be safe. He said that he encountered a homeless man the day before who was initially quite aggressive towards him and then later when he calmed down, he asked Wanderson’s help to find the shelter. Ever since the mass, he has been on the lookout to help homeless adults who seem lost and helpless in the streets.

I don’t know if they partook in the communion. However, Wanderson encountered something good and wonderful and now he looks for people with whom he can share this goodness. It is almost as if Jesus is manifesting Himself in Wanderson’s life to those who suffer and are lost. Just recently, he asked me if I go to Mass every day. I said no. The conversation ended there and he did not explain why he asked the question.

Jesus did not come to be our Teacher. He came to offer Himself so His Life can shine through us. It is more than being like Him. Jesus wants His body and blood to dwell in us. Actually, the opposite is true. He wants us to dwell in Him. To an outsider, these just sounds like words of a crazy person. Someone who hears these words and some how understands their true meaning can agree with St Peter when he responded to Jesus, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.  We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”- John 6:68-69

You don’t have understand everything as long as you sense in your soul that there is Life in these words.

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The Bread of Life

No one can come to me unless drawn by the Father who sent me; and I will raise that person up on the last day. John 6:44

We have had only random and brief encounters with her. It would be safe to say that we have seen her less than five times throughout our time here. When we first met, she was 14. She had just got out the youth detention center. She was caught for stealing. She did not look like the kind of person who would steal or do anything bad. She has an open face; it is radiant and joyful and full of life. It was hard to imagine that she would be able to engage in any crime. On the other hand, it is hard to imagine why a child like her would be in alone in the streets. Such is life and there is not much benefit lamenting about the states of things. We don’t want to get bogged down with these abstract discussions. This story is about a real person named Camila.

It was easy to talk with Camila. Our first conversation was brief. We hardly spoke about anything of substance. She told us that she was released from the detention center to a shelter. This was the only thing I remember. Her friends came almost immediately and away she went. We did not see her again until about two years later.

This time she had grown a lot. She was taller than me but her face was still childlike. She approached us. Our first meeting was so short that it was impossible for us to recognize her after all this time. This was her first question. She wanted to know if we remembered her. To be honest, we could not recall her name but her face looked familiar. She was not offended. She reminded us and shared that she was doing well in a shelter for teenagers. She just came by the streets to visit some of her friends. She assured us that she was not going back to live the streets again. She did not stay long. There was a curfew at the shelter.

We met in two different occasions after this and they were very recent, perhaps earlier this year. She is 18 now. She is out of the shelter because she was officially an adult. We ran into her as she was getting all her documents together on her own. She told us that she found a place to stay. It was a small artisan community that occupied an abandoned historic house. They sell their art from time to time and do some social projects. We visited the community before. It was a good place for her. She told us that she got all her documents together so that she could go back to school. She was determined to complete her education. She described an incident in her attempt to register in a school. The lady at the counter was rude and disrespectful to her. She told her that she could not register for classes because she lacked certain documents. Camila decided that she wasn’t going to get upset. Instead she addressed the woman in a dignified manner and asked what she was lacking and went on to get these documents. She told us that she was determined to move forward and no one or nothing was going to make her give up. She showed us all the document she got and Mary helped her organize them in an orderly manner. Camila smiled and said that we are always so affectionate towards her. It was strange because we hardly spent any time with her.

The last time we saw her was when my sister was here visiting from Australia. We were on our way to where the children were and ran into Camila. She found a job in a hair salon and she was on her way home to have lunch. She saw us and gave us hug, she even hugged my sister. Everyone that is connected to us is her friend. I introduced my sister to her and Camila told her that we were a tremendous help to her. We tried to correct her and said that we hardly did anything for her. She achieved these things on her own. She disagreed. She insisted that we helped her. It was good for our ego but it is not the truth. At the same time, I understand what Camila is trying to say.

I was talking to another friend about Camila. He was once involved in a team that ministered to sex workers. The owner of a brothel invited them to have a religious service on the premises. It is best not to ponder too much on this complex invitation. It is enough to say that there was a prayer service among sex workers. Almost everyone attended except for one young woman. She was mostly indifferent and sometimes even hostile. My friend and his team thought that she was a lost cause and hardly paid any attention to her. Interestingly, today she is the only one from the brothel that left the lifestyle and now goes to church regularly. She credits the team for her transformation. My friend thinks otherwise. She transformed the way he thought about ministry and God. It is God who draws people to Himself and not our efforts or talents. We have nothing to do with what God does in the streets. Maybe some will find this hard to accept in practice. We want to believe that we can make things happen. However, nothing can be done if God doesn’t do it first.

We are not the Bread of Life. We are not the purveyors of the Truth. We are not the solution to the problems of abandonment and isolation. We don’t have what it takes to change people’s lives. Someone who thinks that all these things are within their power are gravely mistaken and they will reap the fruits of disappointment. Strategies, programs and good preaching do not produce the Bread of Life or life itself for that matter. These are our feeble attempts. Only God can draw people unto Himself. Therefore, the question is what is our role in all of this? Camila and the young lady in the brothel encountered life without any contribution from our part. We might wonder if it is even necessary for any of us to do anything since God is doing such a excellent job by Himself. Well, God definitely doesn’t need us to do anything but He invites us to be present when He acts. Besides, if we have tasted the Bread of Life, it would only make sense that we want to present where Life abounds.

Camila was born into a world that gave her nothing but death. She was rejected by her family. She never mentions her family. They are completely out of the picture. She was sent to a prison cell without any windows when she was only fourteen. Everything she experienced was pointing towards death. However, she encountered life in the valley of the shadow of death. Her ears were attentive to the voice of the Good Shepherd who guides her continuously. She constantly acknowledges God’s guidance upon her life. Camila and the lady that my friend encountered at the brothel are miracles. They reveal to us the power of the gospel. Camila believes that we helped her. We did absolutely nothing but God used us. We don’t know how. Perhaps she could see that it was the Bread of Life that has brought us here. Only God’s grace can do such things.

It is normal for us to wonder if we are doing anything substantial when we try to reach out to people. I am not talking about just us. I am talking about all of us who have partaken in the Bread of Life. The answer to this is that is not relevant. We are not the ones who draw people to Jesus. Everything is done by the Spirit.
The Spirit of God brings us to places and people and more often than not we might find ourselves not knowing what to say or do for them. Maybe we are mistaken in thinking that we are supposed to do something. Maybe the Life that flows in us wants to shine for these people and give them the hope that they are always included in the banquet where the Bread of Life is graciously served. Maybe each person that has tasted the Bread of Life is like an invitation card to those who hunger for eternity in this world. We just need to be present and let the Life that dwells in our soul do the rest.

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Herod like Me

And he solemnly swore to her, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, even half of my kingdom.” She went out and said to her mother, “What should I ask for?” She replied, “The head of John the baptizer.” Immediately she rushed back to the king and requested, “I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter.” The king was deeply grieved; yet out of regard for his oaths and for the guests, he did not want to refuse her. Immediately the king sent a soldier of the guard with orders to bring John’s head. He went and beheaded him in the prison, brought his head on a platter, and gave it to the girl. Then the girl gave it to her mother. When his disciples heard about it, they came and took his body, and laid it in a tomb.- Mark 6:23-29

Socrates said that the people who commit vile and despicable acts are to be pitied and not hated. They are powerless to do what they ultimately desire. They want to have a complete life but they end up destroying everything good in their path.

To be honest, I find it easier to dislike and despise them because I want to distance myself from them. It is just human nature. We think that if we have strong negative emotion against someone, we create a distance between us and them. We want everyone to know that we are not like them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way. Hate always produces more hate. When we hate someone for being hateful, then we are just following in their footsteps. This is why Jesus showed us a way out of this conundrum. He taught us to love our enemies. His attitude is more active and powerful than that of Socrates. When we pity someone, we are still being condescending. Love means that we are willing to see the other person as a fellow human being, or even as a reflection of ourselves. Someone just like us. Herod is someone just like us. This should be our starting point when we reflect on the above passage from the gospel.

Herod was a conflicted person. He wanted to do whatever he desired because he thought that he knew what was good for him. Yet, he was drawn to John the Baptist, the purveyor of Truth. Herod recognized that John was a holy and righteous person who always pointed out that he was on the path of self-destruction. He found listening to this disagreeable prophet to be comforting, despite the fact that he continued in his misguided path. Paul described this attitude in a concise manner in Romans 7:19,

“For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.”

However, Paul was not talking about Herod when he wrote this. He was talking about our human nature. Herod thought that he had power and authority but in reality he was a helpless and weak soul. He could not do what he knew to be the right thing to do. If we are able to look deep into our soul, we would realize that this story could be about us. If we had the power and authority like Herod, we might fall into the same trap. Thanks be to God, we are not given authority and power to act as we please. These things only made Herod believe that he had something to prove and he ended up killing the only one that truly cared for his soul.

“For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” -Matthew 16:26

John lost his life but Herod lost his soul.

Herod was truly the person who lost everything in this story. Unless we can see this clearly then we can never to be truly effective Christians in this world. However, if we cannot see beyond the vile act of Herod to perceive his lost and helpless soul, then we have nothing to say to the world. We will be just plain self-righteousness people like the Pharisees whose spirituality Jesus admonished us to surpass. It is not our prerogative to judge Herod or anyone for that matter. Our vocation is not to judge but to love. We must look at Herod and see ourselves in him. We must recognize that we are just as lost and helpless like him. We must see that we are vulnerable to the temptations that he faced. We are also prone to be tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine just like him. When we admit this about ourselves, then we can see that it is only by the grace of God that we can be see all these things about ourselves. It is the grace of God that gives us the strength to press on the follow the footsteps of our Lord.

This story is not about judging but instead it is about compassion and love. To love someone like Herod is not easy. Frankly speaking, even as I write this, I would rather hate him than love him. This alone makes me realize that I am not worthy to pass judgment on him. This confession is not an act of humility but just a honest assessment of myself required by vocation. Therefore, Jesus was right about warning us not to judge anyone. I don’t have the capability or the maturity or wisdom to judge anyone. However, I can love someone like Herod, as long as I am willing to admit that I am just like him in many ways. The only difference between Herod and I is God’s grace. I don’t know why Herod was not able to respond to His grace and I am not sure why I did. It has nothing to do with my own merits that I can boast about. It is all an undeserved gift from God.

I wondered what this reading was going to teach me in the beginning of this week. Now I realize that it contains an indispensable lesson. I am not here in the streets because I am better than our homeless children and teens. It is easy to think this way especially when we compare our social and educational differences. This attitude is quite a subtle one. Many people who serve the less fortunate think that they are better than those whom they serve. It is social convention that prevents them from expressing it. Thinking that we are better gives us a false sense of power and authority. It is better to discard this attitude. It leads to the path of self-destruction. Besides, we can’t do anything valuable or special from this artificial view of ourselves. Loving our neighbor as ourselves is better way. It means seeing that we are just like them.

I look at Wanderson, Bruna, Gabriel and Dreyson. These are the teens we had the most contact with this week. I realized that if I was born into their families and given the same things as they given, I would be in the streets just like them or maybe even worse. Yet, I was given much and now God’s grace has revealed this to me. I am not more blessed than them. I have been given God’s grace to see that I have a role to play in their lives and they have one in mine. Together, through the grace of God, our lives can become richer. Herod used his power and authority to bring death upon himself. By the grace of God, we don’t have to follow his footsteps.

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We will only settle for Encounters

Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my clothes?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say, ‘Who touched me?’” He looked all around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling, fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”- Mark 5:30-34

The most anticipated word blared out from the obnoxious speakers: “Goaaal!”. It unleashed joyous dancing and screaming among the crowd and we were in the heart of it. There wasn’t much room to dance so everyone just jumped up and down. We were doing it as well, rather involuntarily. All our bodies were so pressed together that we had to follow the rhythm of everyone just to avoid falling to the ground and being trampled. Mary looked a little concerned, maybe even afraid. To think that all this was our idea. Wanderson stood behind us. He was the only teen that was willing to watch the game with us. I thought that it would be good for the children and teens to experience something different. They are always outsiders to all the public events in the city. I thought that they should not miss watching the public screening of the Brazilian team playing in the World Cup. It only happens once every four years. We invited all of the children but only Wanderson was willing to come. Now, I have my doubts. Vulgarities were heard all around. People were saying obscene things about the opponents. Sportsmanship was absent. Our homeless children look like model citizens compared to this lot. Maybe it is better for their souls to be outsiders to all these events.

Mary was not thinking about any of this. She was afraid that any moment now there would be a stampede. Half-time came and we decided that it is best for us to leave. Then came the tough part, navigating our way through bodies pressed together. It required lots of gentle pushing and burrowing through a mass of bodies. As I tried to make my way through the crowd, Wanderson grabbed hold of my hand and held it tightly. He was holding Mary’s hand in the same way. It took us a while but we finally made it through to the exit. Wanderson smiled and told us that he wasn’t that interested in the game anyway. However, he just wanted to come because we invited him.

Being in the middle of a rowdy crowd, just like in the gospel text. It is almost like I planned this event so that I could write about it. I did start the week thinking about the healing of the old woman. I wasn’t think about the crowd or being in a situation as such. My mind was on the woman. She pushed her way through the crowd to have the experience of healing. She wasn’t interested in the person of Jesus per se. He was just a means to an end. All she wanted was to be healed. She had a strong faith in the power of Jesus. So much so that she believed that anything close to His body was permeating with His healing power. This is quite an incredible faith. Unfortunately, it was still immature. It was childlike and childish at the same time. She only wanted to experience healing. Jesus was just a thing to her until Jesus opened the door for her to encounter Him.

There was another episode in the gospel of Luke where ten lepers were healed and only one came back to thank Jesus (Luke 17:11-19). To the one that came back Jesus said, “Get up and go on your way; your faith has made you well.” They were all healed from leprosy but only one was truly healed. All of them sought Jesus for healing but for the nine, Jesus was merely a means to an end. Only one saw Jesus as a Person. He was the only one who had a genuinely mature faith. The old woman was blessed in a way. Jesus did not allow her to follow the footsteps of the other nine. He wasn’t going to allow her to leave with a mere experience of healing. He wanted her faith to mature.

Perhaps we can wonder why Jesus made exception for this woman. There was a large crowd following Him, everyone searching for some sort of experience with Jesus. We will never know for sure what makes this woman stand out. Maybe it is because she was a woman. In His society and in present times as well, women are often treated a means to an end. She saw Jesus in the same way because it was the only way she was conditioned to deal with people. The old woman also lost everything including her dignity. It is possible that she thought that all she was worthy of was a mere experience and not a genuine encounter with Jesus.

Experience and encounter are not interchangeable. The former is limited. It is just a more like an emotional event in the sense that it doesn’t change who we are. In the religious environment, there has been a lot of talk about experiences. We are left with a spirituality that reeks with sentimentalism. The nine lepers experienced healing and they still remained ungrateful people. People can have a wonderful experience in a spiritual retreat and not necessarily change anything in their personal lives. People can have a wonderful missionary experience and still not change their outlook of life or treatment of others. This is where it gets interesting for me. I have been spiritually imprisoned in an experience-oriented missionary idea for a long time. Now I am learning to understand what it means to have an encounter. I find that these moments are always transforming how I see life in general.
We brought Wanderson to watch the game because we wanted him to have an experience. At the end of the day we had an encounter instead.

Encounters are not sensational. The soccer event that we attended had huge screens with large speakers. There were decorated stands selling food and drinks. Brazilian flags were flown everywhere and everything was geared towards creating a wonderful soccer experience. However, Wanderson held our hands tightly. This is a seventeen year old boy and he wanted to hold our hands because he felt secure. After we got out of the crowd, he asked me to bring a game of checkers the next day. He wanted to play a quiet game with us. Nothing spectacular here except that we were like parents to a boy who was abandoned in an orphanage at a very young age. All his life, he created a fantasy family. He often told us unbelievable stories about his family which were a poignant reminder to us about the loneliness that these children sense in their hearts. Recently, he has stopped with these stories. He has began to spend more time with us too.

God gives us encounters when we least expect them. It is easy to miss them if our focus is just on accumulating experiences. Albeit, these are easy to fabricate whereas encounters requires us to wait. They don’t come to us by our efforts but are graciously given to us. The woman was happy to be healed but God’s grace made Jesus stop and ask who touched him. She could have left the scene and been happy with her healed body. However, her encounter with Jesus transformed her. Jesus called her daughter. She was God’s daughter, not an abandoned old woman cursed with an illness. She belonged to God. Jesus pointed out that she had the faith to believe this but social conditioning had made her to think otherwise.

I believe that every encounter is a step towards understanding that we are truly God’s daughters and sons. Wanderson’s desire to hold our hands tightly is a response to God’s prompting in his heart that he belongs to someone. He is not alone or lost in this world. He held our hands. We are part of this physically. We are connected to him. It is a privilege God has given us. Not only us, we know that there are people praying for him too. They are also part of being a symbol of acceptance and love for Wanderson. Our experience at the soccer event will be forgotten in weeks to come but our encounter with Wanderson holding our hands like a little child will be remembered for eternity because it is a gracious gift from God.

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