I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live for ever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh. John 6:48-51

We often read these verses without paying much attention to them. Our minds skim through these words without dwelling on them too much because they are familiar words. For those of us in the Eucharistic traditions, we hear these words weekly, “This is my body which is given unto you!” We partake in the bread of the Holy Communion. We do not think too much of the fact that we are symbolically consuming His flesh. If we did, it should disturb us. Once I was talking to a friend who is a devout Christian and very well read when it comes to the Bible. She was appalled when I told her that Jesus told his disciples to feed on His flesh. She was shocked and asked half jokingly if it was in all bibles or just the Anglican one. Well, it is the gospel. We read it today. This verse is not the end of the argument but the mere beginning. It becomes progressively controversial and difficult to digest. However, for now, it is good for us to take these tough sayings in small doses. Jesus is the Bread of Life and we need to feed on Him.

These words of Jesus separate Him from all the prophets and priests of the past. They separate Him from the all the sages and religious leaders of the world. Buddha never told his disciples to feed on his flesh. Mohammad would have never imagined saying such a thing. It would have been scandalous and most likely diminished their status as religious leaders. The people who heard Jesus utter these words were scandalized, too. According to the gospel of John, many of them deserted him at this point. It was too hard for them to accept. They wanted Jesus to be their miracle worker. They wanted Him to be their great teacher. They even considered Him to be their prophet. The verses before these narrate an attempt of the people to crown Him as their King. All these were lofty roles and titles but none of them were worthy of our Lord. He is the living Bread; something which was common in that culture. Jesus used an everyday item to highlight the mystery of His work.

A miracle worker, a great teacher, a prophet or even a wonderful King are people who play a small role in our everyday life. You just need a miracle worker when you or a loved one is ill or in some sort of calamity. A great teacher is there to guide and help us. We can listen to him or her or we can just simply ignore them altogether. A King really has very little do to with the life of the common people. Anyway, bread, in the culture of that time, was essential for survival. It is something even the poorest of the poor had and needed on a regular basis. Without bread, we become weak. Without bread for sustenance, we will slowly die.

Everyday when we walk to where the children are, we pass by many churches. I know sometimes I sound like a broken recording and I cannot help it. I draw inspiration for my reflections on our everyday experiences. The first church we walk past is our own Anglican Church. Every Sunday, we have a Eucharistic celebration where we commune the Body and Blood of Jesus in our hearts by faith. Then we pass by another church that has daily celebrations. Each day the focus is different. On Mondays, it is to free the people from the curses. On Tuesday, it is to bring prosperity and happiness to one’s life. On Wednesday, it is about financial prosperity. I am not making this up. There are many more churches in a similar fashion. All of them focus on one aspect of the ministry of Jesus and some are based on local superstition. Our church might seem closer to these words of Jesus in their celebration but it does not mean that they are any different from the other churches. Feeding on the Bread of Life is not a question of believing nor knowing the right doctrine. Jesus said these words to deliberately shake the foundations of the people’s spiritual faith. If these words do not shake our spiritual foundations, then maybe it is possible that we do not comprehend them entirely.

These words of Jesus marked a turning point in the ministry of Jesus. People followed Jesus to benefit from what He did. Some followed in a manner of a spectator. The invitation to feed on Him is in reality to become like Him. His Life provides us the means to be transformed to become like Him. He becomes the focal point of our lives. He becomes the sustenance of our life here on earth. He is our daily Bread and this Bread needs to be manifested in our lives. It is an invitation to be transformed in our daily lifestyle to become more like Him. It does not mean we become more religious. This is many times defined according to the churches we belong. It goes beyond this. It is to allow His life to transform the way we think and act in accordance with His Life.

The problem with Truth expressed through faith is that there can never be a satisfactory answer to someone who does not participate in it. I have some agnostic friends and sometimes I imagine them asking me questions whenever I write these reflections. I am sure they would want to know how one feeds on the Bread of Life. In fact, some of the people who were discussing this very matter with Jesus wondered about this. We cannot go beyond the answer that Jesus gives them,

No one can come to me unless drawn by the Father who sent me; and I will raise that person up on the last day. John 6:44

Of course, like most things Jesus says in the gospels, this verse raises up more questions. It is not in my capacity here to address all of them. I am sure some might think that God is playing favorites by drawing some and rejecting others. There is no mention of rejection in these words. The invitation is open to all. The world is there for all to appreciate and admire. The marks of God are present in the universe. God is present in all the beauty and even in the darkness. However, most people are too busy or not interested to perceive His presence, or rather, His bread in the world.

Once as we crossed a busy pedestrian bridge we noticed an old woman who from her simple appearance looked like someone from the poorer class in this city. She was looking intently at something on the ground. Hundreds of people just walked past her without noticing her. Usually people like her are invisible to many. Some might have thought that she was out of her mind. She did behave a little odd. She was looking intently on the floor. Mary, my wife, said she was looking at an insect. We went to her and she pointed to it and asked us what it was. She said that she observed it walking across and avoiding the people. She was amazed with this tiny creature. I picked up the insect and we looked at it up close. I told her it was a praying mantis. She smiled. We stood there admiring this tiny creature peacefully moving around my hand. Tons of people passed by it oblivious of its existence. In a strange and simple way, it was a special moment for us and the woman. I actually talked about her with our youth yesterday. Among the hundreds of people who passed the bridge she was the only one who noticed this tiny creature. It was there for everyone but only one person noticed it. She was not more special than any one of these people. However, she was attentive and ready to be amazed by the simple things in Life.

Jesus is the bread of Life. It is a simple thing. It is present in our everyday life. However, only those who are attentive and open to be amazed will discover and feed on this bread. Some will feed on this bread and their lives will be transformed. They cannot claim this transformation as part of their personal merit. This is given by the grace of God. However, God does not play favorites. He calls everyone but only a few feed on Him. Only a few want to be sustained completely by His Life. Most people just want small doses of Him. Jesus does not want to be our Christ for occasional purposes. He wants to be our everyday live giving sustenance.

When he looked up and saw a large crowd coming towards him, Jesus said to Philip, ‘Where are we to buy bread for these people to eat?’ He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he was going to do. Philip answered him, ‘Six months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little.’ One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to him, ‘There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish. But what are they among so many people?’ John 6:5-9

We were quite early. Usually our young people meet us after they have had their first meal of the day at the homeless day center run by the Franciscans. The name of this place sounds oddly very English; “Teatime at the Priest’s”. I am not sure if this is its official name or the homeless just named it after its nature. They used to serve tea and snacks in the afternoon. Back then, there was more food available for the homeless in the earlier part of the day. Lots of things have changed since then. Restaurants no longer are permitted by law to give food to the homeless. There is nothing available for them until the Franciscans serve food about three in the afternoon. We assumed that most of our youth were there. At any rate, they were not ready to receive us yet. Whenever they come to us nowadays, they give us their full attention. Therefore, we know that the wait is worth it.

The streets were packed today. It is the school vacation. Most of the tourists are Brazilians from other states. There was hardly any empty benches. It was a miracle we found one. Just as we got comfortable, a couple of ladies approached where we were sitting. One of them was older needed the aid of a cane. Our bench had space for two more. We scooted over and they rewarded us with an appreciative smile. They got comfortable and went on with their conversations and we did the same. Just then, Rone came by holding a little box. He is amazing at finding things. Recently he found a stack of beautiful children’s books. He gave it to us to use for our church’s children’s library. On another occasion he found a beautiful porcelain teapot which has found a home on our shelf. This time it wasn’t a thing. It was a sad looking bird. He found it at the foot of a tree. It was not moving and looked hurt. He decided to rescue it before some rat or cat ate it. It looked like a young bird and we assumed that it fell off its nest. Rone tried to feed it with bread crumbs but it seemed too sick to want to eat. None of us knew what to do with it. Rone left the bird with us to eat his first meal of the day. Just then, the woman sitting next to us asked us if we wanted a cup of coffee. We did not notice that these women were having a mini picnic right next to us. They had a thermal flask full of coffee. I instinctively said “no” even though the coffee smelled good. I always refuse things when someone offers something to me. I don’t know why. Mary did the same and so did another complete stranger sitting on a bench next to us. Right then a homeless man walked by and rummaged through the trash can which was close to us looking for recyclable items. The woman offered him a cup of coffee and he accepted. Then she turned around and reiterated her offer to me again. She said that she brought extra disposable cups to share. She came prepared to share her coffee. It was her intention to share. She wasn’t just being nice. This time I accepted.

The coffee was good; slightly too sweet for my taste. I like mine black, strong and bitter. Nevertheless, I liked it for other reasons. The woman then returned to her conversation with her friend. The homeless man continued looking for recyclable items and we went back to our pathetic bird wondering if it would make it through the night. Eventually the two women got up to leave and the they wished us a good day. The older woman commented that her friend now has to drive her home all the way back to the outskirts of the city where she lived. It was apparent that the coffee woman had taken her friend out on a special outing. Rone was sitting next to us at this time and he said that they looked very familiar. He wondered if they were the same people who bought him food once. I am not sure if they were. Maybe what is really familiar about them is their spirit. It bore the essence of the Kingdom of God. We have been meeting people like that quite often nowadays.

I would like to use this simple encounter to reflect on the gospel text above. It is a popular text; the feeding of the five thousand. We have heard this story many times in church. Sometimes the most familiar stories are the hardest to interpret. We become so accustomed to them that we tend to overlook the details. However, it is the details which help us delve deeper into the meaning. This week a cup of coffee has drawn my attention to the young boy in the story. Often times he is forgotten because we tend to focus on the big things. This was the problem with Philip. He was too focused on the big things.

The gospel tells us that Jesus tested Philip. Perhaps the word is an unfortunate one. We think of a test as something burdensome and competitive. We can thank our schools for this. Jesus was teaching Philip something important. Actually, the text is teaching us something important. Philip was aware of the huge problem. He was already calculating how to resolve it. In the end, he resigned to the fact that it was something beyond their means. Most of us can appreciate Philip. The problem is that we do not need faith to come to this conclusion. We just have to be pragmatic. In this mindset, big problems need big complex solutions. A regular person like Philip or any of us for that matter cannot do anything about it. Most of the time we just are resigned to this fact and do not attempt anything at all. Maybe we might spend ample time complaining about the problem and the lack of an adequate solution. Andrew understood the situation as well. He tried to find some concrete solution. He found a young boy who was willing to share. Apparently this boy came prepared to share. He had more than enough bread for himself and was willing to offer what he had to others. Practically speaking, this boy’s offering could do nothing to solve the problem. However, it didn’t stop him from making himself available to be part of the solution. Jesus did teach us that we have to become like a child to fully comprehend the Kingdom of God.

Once we were playing games with our children in the streets when a complete stranger came to us and told us that we had good intentions but we were wasting our time. He assured us that we weren’t going to change the situation by playing games with these homeless youth. Instead we should start schools and training centers for them to become skilled. He went on to say that we needed to get aid from the government and run shelters. He kept going on and on about things we already knew. We are fully aware of the magnitude of the problem but it doesn’t change our reality. All we had was “five loaves and two fish”. Well, maybe not two fish, after all, we are vegetarians. Jesus can do something with our “five loaves”. It is small and may appear insignificant. Nevertheless, according to this story, it is enough material for a miracle.

Everyday we seat next to countless people on these benches while we wait for our children. However, these two anonymous women left their mark. They did absolutely nothing special. They just came prepared to share what they had and their love lingered on even after they left. It was a small and simple gesture but enough to remind us that the Kingdom of God starts with small and simple acts. All Jesus needs is the faith of a mustard seed to plant a tree of Love and Compassion. While thousands look for big solutions for complex problems, we should follow the footstep of this little boy who offered the little he had. We can also learn from Andrew. He was an odd duck. He paid attention to the offerings of a naive boy. Consequently, he became an instrumental figure in this remarkable miracle. It is a familiar story, this feeding of the five thousand but it still has a lot to teach us. It brings us deeper and deeper into Kingdom of God.

As for the bird, we recommended Rone to leave the bird in a safe place near an apartment complex. Hopefully, someone living there might know someone who could help it. He gently placed the bird in a box with a note and went off. He saw a creature in need. He knew nothing about caring for a bird but he knew what it is like to be alone and abandoned. He didn’t have much to offer to this bird. It doesn’t matter. God will take what we have and do miracles with it. The thing is that we need to be always prepared to offer the little that we have.

As Jesus went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things. Mark 6:34

Taina’s mother recently suffered a stroke. This has catapulted her into adulthood. Technically, Taina is an adult. She is 21 years old. She bears all the signs of an adult woman. She is already a mother of three children. However, there is one important element that changes everything. She was born into homelessness. She had never lived in a house. All her infancy was spent in the streets. Everything she knows is from homelessness. She is street smart but once she is out of the context of homelessness, she is like a child. The so-called regular world is foreign to her. Her mother became homeless as a young teenager. No one really knows why she ended up in the streets but one thing was certain, being homeless was better than her home life. Her mother had five children and all of them where homeless except for brief moments in a shelter. All the fathers are either dead or missing. Her older daughters got married and became squatters in the many abandoned buildings in the city. Taina is the only one who stayed with her mother. Throughout the years, Taina’s mother tried many things to get out of homelessness.

She did not need much. All she wanted was a small room with a bathroom so that her grandchildren can be safe at night. Finally, she found a space. It is a tiny ugly room with moldy walls. It had a bathroom which I rather let my imagine figure out than actually seeing it for myself. However, for Taina’s family, this was a step up. They rented this place for a price that was too high but this is the only option available for the poorest of the poor. We visit them often and she always likes to offer us a hot cup of coffee.

Life has not been fair for her family but they never complain. Now, they are happy that they have a place to live. They often open up their tiny room for the other homeless youth who come by to have meal and sometimes a safe place to sleep. It is amazing to see how people can be crammed into that small space. Her grandchildren commented recently that they never want to sleep in the streets again. This is a good sign that the cycle of homelessness is slowly being ruptured in this family The grandmother promised them that it wouldn’t happen and we are going to do our best to help her keep this promise.

About a month ago, Taina was experiencing severe migraines and her mother decided to take to the public clinic. Another homeless youth, Anderson accompanied them. Taina went in to register and her mother waited outside with Anderson. When she came out, she saw her mother unconscious and Anderson was holding her. He managed to catch her fall before she hit the concrete ground. She was not responding and her face was all distorted. It was obvious she had suffered a stroke. Taina called me immediately at 3 am in the morning. She was sobbing and saying that the doctors thought her mother needed immediate surgery. This is the worst news for our homeless youth. Many of their friends and family who had surgery never came out of it alive. For them, it was a death sentence. Taina thought that she was going to lose her mother forever.

We met the family at the hospital the next day. Her sisters were with her, too. Taina has never dealt with the hospital alone. It was always her mother who handled these things. She wasn’t aware of any of her rights. They were not even allowed to see their mother. We advised her to speak to the social worker for assistance. We encouraged her to be forceful so people would take her seriously and eventually the nurses allowed them to be with their mother. When her sisters left us to be alone with Taina for a moment, she burst into tears. She was so afraid that her mother was going to die. We cried with her and prayed for her. Her mother was discharged in a few days but not because she was ready to go home. The hospital needed the space. Taina had to take her mother home without any wheelchair and without receiving any advice on what do with her partially paralyzed mother. She got her home with the help of some of the homeless youth. They carried her up to their tiny room.

Her mother was completely bed ridden. Taina has to do everything by herself. She cooks and gets all the grandchildren ready for school. Then she cleans and changes her mother. Some of the homeless youth come by and help her carry the mother into the bathroom so that she can have a shower. After she is dressed, the boys carry her back to her bed. We help in whatever ways possible. Some of the neighbors help her too. They stay with her mother when she goes to get the children after school. Some of the youths beg for food and take it over to her place. They make sure that the family always has enough to eat. In one of our regular meetings with her, we asked her if she was getting tired from all these chores. Surprisingly, she said that she enjoyed taking care of her mother. She is just happy that her mother is alive.

Recently, Taina told us that she received some upsetting news. A local pastor informed her that someone had hexed her. After receiving this news, she was so bothered and frustrated. One could imagine that her mind must have been filled with anger and hatred towards this imaginary person. The homeless youth are vulnerable to anything which people of religious authority say to them. They look up to them and believe everything they say. Unfortunately, they are subjected to much abuse as a result. Superstition is very prominent among the general population here. Although Taina had her doubts, she shared this with us. This pastor saw the whole drama which Taina’s family was going through and instead of offering words of encouragement and consolation, she chose to provoke hatred and anger in Taina towards an imaginary person. The worst of it is that it makes Taina suspicious of her friends because according to this pastor, it could be any one of them. This false pastor is an agent of resentment and discord. She told Taina that the only way to be free from this curse is to attend her church.

It is quite sad to see that kind of false gospel being preached to those who are already abandoned and alone in the world. The good news is that we have a Shepherd who does not abandon us to the elements. Instead of helping Taina identify the presence of the Good Shepherd during this momentous passage through the valley of shadow of death, this false shepherd is pointing to the darkness and instilling in Taina fear and despair. We prayed with Taina and assured that our God who created the universe and gave His only Son for our salvation is much more powerful than any hex based on false gods. Taina has more evidence for the goodness of God in her life at this moment than for the presence of any curse. Obviously, if we were to just look superficially at her life, we could only see despair. Taina was born into homelessness. From the moment she came into this world, her life has been hard but she has amazing courage and determination. She is able to recognize God using people around her to help her in this time. She knows that she is not alone and abandoned. Most importantly, for her, Jesus resurrected her mother. Her mother is her Lazarus. She thought that she had lost everything but she had gained her mother back and now she has a renewed zest for life.

She was a sheep without a shepherd. Many false shepherds have tried to install lies into her life. However, the Truth prevails. The Good Shepherd prevails. God has used many people to help her understand that the world might abandon her but God will always be her Shepherd. There will always be passages through the valley of death in our lives; not just for Taina but for all of us. During this period, we should not waste our time asking the wrong questions. The false pastor was trying to make Taina focus on the wrong things. There is no logical explanation for tragic things which happen in our lives. At least, nothing that is satisfactory. However, it is important to know that no matter what happens, the Good Shepherd will always guide us through it. The valley of shadow of Death might seem intimidating to us but the Good Shepherd always guides us through to the banquet of life. Taina and her family know that this banquet is not an illusion. They are eating at its table even though many may not see it. You can not see this reality unless you have faith to perceive the Good Shepherd.

We were all once sheep without a shepherd but the Good Shepherd is eternally present in our lives now.

Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, ‘Who touched my clothes?’ And his disciples said to him, ‘You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say, “Who touched me?” ’ He looked all round to see who had done it. Mark 5:30-32

There is a church around the corner from where I live, maybe about a two minutes walk. This church is named after what they believe to be the four essential elements of the gospel. One of which is miraculous healing and I can’t remember the other three. They believe that physical healing from illness is part and parcel of the gospel. They have healing services. They claim that many people have been healed in their services. Nevertheless, many more who sought healing were never healed. These churches claim that the problem is their lack of faith. It seems like the one of the essential elements of the gospel, according to this church, is only reserved for a select few with great faith.

Just across the street from this church is our church, the Anglican Church. Yes, I live about a three minutes walk from my local church. We believe that miraculous healings do happen. However, we do not believe that this is the essential aspect of the gospel. The Anglican church usually uses liturgy derived from a book called the Book of Common Prayer. Our spirituality, in many ways, is defined through this book. It is really the Bible in prayer form. However, the most important element in this liturgical book is its name; Common Prayer. Pretty much like the other church across the street, we believe that it is important for the church to be defined by the essentials of the gospel. In our Prayer Book, we attempt to define the essence of our gospel as an experience available to “people of all sorts and conditions”. We need faith to perceive it. Jesus said that faith of a size of mustard seed is enough. In other words, God is not limited by the smallness of our faith to act. The Book of Common Prayer has a simple message for us. God is present in everyone’s life and the message of the gospel is for every person.

Today we visited a mother who lost her newborn child. She is one of our homeless youth who has over the past few years managed to get out of homelessness although she still struggles. She was expecting a baby girl. This gave her a renewed joy for life. She always wanted a baby girl and planned to name her Leticia. She had everything prepared for her infant except for a baby bathtub. We promised to get it for her. On Monday we received a call saying that the tub was no longer necessary; Leticia was no more. She died at birth due to some complication in the womb. The mother buried her child yesterday. She was expecting to have a joyous time with her new born child and instead she laid her lifeless body in a tomb. In the same building where this young mother lives, there is another family from the streets. They were homeless for a long time and it has just been two years that they were able to rent a tiny room. The mother of the family suffered a stroke and is partially paralysed. Immediately after praying for the grieving mother, we went up to see Patricia. She tearfully confided in us that she has this persistent fear that she will never walk again. We tried our best to console her. I truly believe that there will be a positive outcome in her case. However, there is not going to be resurrection for Leticia in this life time. Her mother has lost her for good.

It seems like we see the stories of the gospels unfold before our very eyes in our ministry but without the positive results found in it. The grieving mother might read today’s gospel and wonder why Jesus did not heal her daughter. She is not the only one. There are thousands of mothers and fathers who wish that this miracle would be a daily occurrence but it is not. They might wonder if these stories in the gospel have anything concrete to say to them.

If we focused just on the healings, then the message of this gospel text would not be relevant to many. However, the good news is not about Jesus the miracle worker but about Jesus revealing the true nature of the Father. Throughout the Old Testament, we read stories about God and His interactions with the people. These people are often the Patriarchs, judges, prophets and kings, not the simple and common person like majority of humanity. There is one about Ruth but she was only mentioned because she was part of David’s genealogy. In the gospels, however, the main characters are people whom the world does not see. The common fisherman, the lepers, the old mother-in-law ill in bed at home, the woman who suffered an illness which isolated her from society, the child who is usually hidden from the rest of the community…. These people take the center stage in these stories. They are very much like our grieving mother and Patricia. The healings which occurred in the gospels were sacramental acts to reveal to these people that they are very much in the scope of God’s grace and love. They do not have to be leaders nor occupy prominent places in a community to be deserving of God’s grace. Most importantly, perhaps the essential lesson in these stories, God does not accuse them of the pain and suffering which they bear. It is a human tendency to blame the victims for their pain. I do not know why, but we do it. Sometimes even the person who suffers blames oneself. On contrary, Jesus never blamed anyone. He was not interested in accusing people. He wanted to restore their life. His healing served to restore Life for those who suffer. However, it is not an escape from suffering which is part and parcel of our life. We read these stories of healings in the gospels but they only tell us part of the story. The daughter of Darius eventually died. The old woman shared the same fate. Their healing did not free them from sufferings. Jesus healed many but He Himself did not escape the painful death on the Cross. In fact, some of his accusers even challenged Him to do so. Jesus’ healing is not about escaping the harsh realities of Life. It is about having Life and Life abundantly, despite all the harsh conditions which Life throws at us.

I do not know of a satisfactory answer for the grieving mothers and fathers around us. I cannot explain why some people never recover from their debilitating illness. I cannot guarantee that Patricia will ever walk again. The gospels have many healing stories. However, it is also true that almost all the apostles died terrible deaths. Stephen, the first martyr, died soon after he became a deacon. It seemed like an untimely death. We could take refuge by saying that it is God’s will or talk about the immortality of our souls. These arguments do not bring healing to the souls of the grieving person. At best, it might help us to say something to those who are grieving but it does not help to alleviate the pain. Jesus did not explain away the hard things of Life. He brought Life to situations which seemed hopeless and tragic. Jesus said that His disciples will do greater things than Him (John 14:12). It is hard to imagine. This is the problem. We have limited imagination. Sometimes, we need to surrender and allow the Holy Spirit to give us the wisdom to bring healing in hard situations.

We knew of no magic words to heal the grieving mother nor to guarantee Patricia of her healing. We have the faith of a mustard seed but we are not sure that we can move mountains which are not meant to be moved. The grieving mother did not want a miracle from us. Patricia did not expect us to have a magic cure for her. We just listened to both women. We prayed with them and ensured that our prayers were accompanied by concrete actions. Our actions were merely sacramental to show that these women are not alone and abandoned but God is actively present with them. Both women just did not want to be alone and abandoned in this journey. They wanted to know if Life is possible after such tragic situations. We have our mustard seed faith to have the boldness to say to them that God is with them and He will manifest Himself in their lives. This is the gospel message which Jesus preached. This is the only thing we can guarantee through faith.

Jesus also said, ‘The kingdom of God is as if someone would scatter seed on the ground, and would sleep and rise night and day, and the seed would sprout and grow, he does not know how. The earth produces of itself, first the stalk, then the head, then the full grain in the head.’ Mark 4:26-28

Maybe a farmer in Jesus’ time did not know how but today a scientist could explain everything. Every aspect of plant growth can be explained in great detail today. However, it does not mean this parable is not relevant to the scientist. It is not about science. Scientific studies are about things which can be observed. This parable is about the force bringing a simple organism into its full potential. In other words, it asks the question what moves us to achieve our lives’ full potential. After all, this is what most of us desire. It is not a concern limited to philosophers or scientists. All of us desire to be complete in our being. We use all kinds of different phrases to express this desire. Jesus calls this force which moves us to full and abundant life the Kingdom of God.

There is a tendency in us to think about God and His everlasting presence as something distant and hidden from our reality. Many times people are told to look to the skies to find God. Of course, this is just symbolic and poetic language. Jesus uses the parables in the same manner to change our perception. He changed the language to show us that the Kingdom of God is not up there but down here in the simple and everyday things. The problem is when we are too busy pursuing our personal fulfillment we miss out on the very thing which we are desperately seeking. It is right here in the simple and everyday things. We only have to look beyond what is presented to us. In a way, the scientists can teach us something here. In our culture, we like to put scientists on a pedestal and treat them as little gods or some sort of superhuman. Most honest scientists would reject such a notion, at least, Einstein, one of the greatest of our era, did. He often claimed that he was not a brilliant man but just an observant one. It was not humility on his part but sincere honesty. He said that he was just a curious person who wanted to go beyond what the eyes could see. However, Jesus is calling us to go even deeper. To see and discover the force which moves all things in this world. The power which gives each and every being its essence and identity.

These parables are by no means a glorification of the rural life over an urban one. Most of us live in an urban situation and these parables are still relevant. They draw our attention to the reality of God’s presence in our daily lives. I remember reading these parables to one of our homeless youth. He has been homeless since he was eight and never in his life cultivated a seed or a plant. He has very rudimentary knowledge of biology. The reading of these parables became a science lesson for him. I realized that these parables are better interpreted through practical living rather than words. Jesus used parables to show how to discover the Kingdom of God in the true and practical sense. However, it is not pragmatic nor can be explained away. In other words, it cannot be reduced to a formula or a pattern. It is present in an inexplicable and transformative manner.

Most recently, a strange and wonderful phenomenon is happening in the streets. Everyday, except on the weekends, we meet our homeless youth in the same area. We have developed a predictable routine. They would come about the same time and sit with us and just talk. We have become their old friends. They would share their thoughts and sometimes talk about life. The conversations go in many different directions. Then we end our time together with a game. We do everything in a quiet corner in the streets but it is still in quite a public area. People have taken notice of us. Many people sit and watch our interactions during their work breaks. Sometimes they are tourists who are resting after shopping frantically. We also have our regulars. There are a group of old Chinese immigrants who don’t speak a word of Portuguese who sit and watch us. The youth even joke about it and say that they are our spectators. Some days when these men are not around, Bruno would say that we are missing something essential. Sometimes people would tell us where the children and youth are when we arrive. Most of them just watch us in silence. However, this is not the most amazing thing.

We have had in more than one occasion, complete strangers, usually young people, who asked us if they could join us in our games. The first time it happened we were taken aback. It was a young man who had just came from a successful job interview and wanted to join us. Perhaps he was feeling joyous and wanted to share the moment with someone. He was a pastry chef. He played several games with us before leaving. The youth were surprised and at the same time they were very open towards him. Then a week later, another young man asked if he could join us. He told us that he lived nearby and everyday after work he walked past us and observed us playing a game. Coincidentally, he was a baker. His name is William and the youth again received him without any problems. At the same time, we were all trying to process this. Perhaps, it sounds like nothing special to many. However, for our young people who have spent their lives being ignored and avoided, this is something new. People are looking at them and desiring to be part of them in a positive manner. They feel that these young homeless people share something special that they desire to have in their lives.

In this past week, Mary and I went to the immigration office to get our documents renewed. We met a professional Chinese lady there for the same purpose. The wait was excruciatingly long and she approached us just to talk and pass the time. Her English was impeccable even though she had never lived in a English speaking country. She was working in a successful firm and well adjusted to life in this urban city. She asked us what we did for a living, you know, the usual small talk questions. We told her and it immediately changed the course of the conversation. She wanted to know if she could be in any way be part of our work. I assumed that she is not religious because she did not ask anything about our church even after we told her that we were missionaries. In a way, this is a good thing. She heard what we did and she wanted to be part of it despite not being in the same so-called group as us. She did not feel that it was beyond her reach or she was excluded from it. The Kingdom of God is not something exclusive to one group. It beckons everyone who want to be connected to the One who is able to awaken in their souls a desire to reach their full potential as a person. This young woman was successful in regular society. However, she knew something was missing. She is looking for something deeper. Hopefully, she will join us one day for a game of Uno.

Many people walk past us everyday. Many don’t pay attention to what we are doing. Many don’t even realize that there are homeless youth among us. They see us but they do not see us. We continue to be invisible. However, there are those who are seeking something more. They want to discover something beyond their day-to-day reality. In a strange and wonderful way, our little group playing a game of Uno in the streets has revealed something to them. They know that it is not just a game. There is a strong bond between us and they want to be part of us. This bond is none other the Kingdom of God.

Jesus said when two or three gathered in His Name, He is among them. We have gathered together for some time now. The small seed which has been planted is now growing. People have taken notice and they are coming to take shelter in its shady branches.

One sabbath Jesus was going through the cornfields; and as they made their way his disciples began to pluck heads of grain. The Pharisees said to him, ‘Look, why are they doing what is not lawful on the sabbath?’ Mark 2:23-24

We live in close proximity to small Jewish enclave. It is easy to forget this even though the community’s school is only about a block away from our place. However, the Jewish community has learned to live discreetly for justifiable reasons. We know their history. Not even in this country they are spared from hatred. They have to learn to walk quietly and silently in our midst, except on Saturdays. On this special day, they make themselves known to the world. We see them gallantly dressed in their traditional garments walking to the synagogues in small groups with little delightful children running around cheerfully. The men wear extraordinary furry hats which I am sure have a special name. They look a little out of place in this seemingly tropical climate but still they do not fail to bestow a sense of dignity to these men. Their strict observance of the Sabbath requires them to refrain from driving nor staying in their homes. They are forced to engage with the world. They put aside all their fears and apprehensions and display proudly to the world that they are here present in this world because of their special vocation. They are elected to be part of something glorious. Most of us gaze at them with fascination and perhaps with a little envy. They belong to a special community which has withstood a long history of hardship and marginalization. On Sabbath, they proudly display their unique identity. The Sabbath is their weekly celebration of their special vocation.

It is safe to say that most of us born outside the Jewish faith can not truly appreciate the importance of Sabbath. Perhaps, we should refrain from judging the Pharisees rashly when it comes to this issue. They were defending something which was essential to their Jewish identity. We can appreciate this. People fight wars and willingly die to defend their national or tribal identity. We vote for leaders if they promise to keep us from losing track of who we are. Many terrible leaders were elected due to this. The Pharisees, in many ways, were just like us. They were zealous about protecting what they thought was essential to their identity.

The observance of Sabbath is about their identity as God’s chosen people. They were determined to protect this zealously. Nothing which would jeopardize the observance of this day was permitted. In the gospel reading, they were upset when the disciples plucked the grains of wheat for food on this holy day. It may appear to us as if they were extremely nit picky. In reality, they were being very moderate. The Old Testament, the Book of Numbers more precisely, tells us a tragic tale where a man gathered some sticks on the Sabbath and he was put to death for it (Numbers 15:32-36). The Bible tells us that God commanded the people to stone the man. The people were a little hesitant but they had to obey the order from God. It seems like God is on the same page as the Pharisees and Jesus is really the trouble maker.

I think I just walked into a very tricky maze and now I have to find a way out. However, it is necessary for us to face this apparent contradiction in the Bible. It appears like Jesus is setting Himself against the Old Testament. At the same time, He claimed that He did not come to do away with the Law but to fulfill it. Our Lord is quite complicated. He does not make it easy for the Pharisees, nor for us. The Bible is not for amateurs. We need to have courage to face these hard questions. We have to be courageous to listen to the voice of Jesus and look back into the past with a critical attitude. Jesus is not doing away with the past. He is redefining it. The Law was interpreted with an imperfect understanding of God and now Jesus is presenting us with a bold argument. He is claiming to give us a true understanding of God. We can see why this would greatly annoy the religious authorities of His time.

The people of Israel looked at the Law as a tool for separating themselves from the rest of the world. They refused to engage in the world around them. They shun away from those who did not share their identity. Those who did not conform to the requirements of their vocation were considered impure at best or dead at worse. This is not the message of the gospel. There are many who preach this message but it is not one in accordance with the ministry and life of our Lord.

Our Lord did not preach a message to make us cower and hide from the world. He gave us a vocation to separate ourselves from the world so that we can engage with the world in a way to bring forth healing;

 “Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:14

Eternal life is not life after death but living our lives fully and completely in the present reality. It is seeing the reality and beauty of God’s love in every given situation. It is the hope of humanity to see something creative and life-giving springing forth from this chaotic world.

The Pharisees were so obsessed with their identity as an elected people that they forget the true purpose of their vocation. It was not to exalt themselves but it was for them to become a life giving force in this world. We cannot be a life giving force if we are not present in the world. We cannot be a spring of eternal water if we hide and cower from the world. However, we still need to be separated or set aside. We are not to be in the world using its tools to proclaim the reality of eternal life. We are to be separated from the world to be like our Lord. He is the Lord of our Sabbath. He is our identity but not our role model. We usually pick and choose what we want from our role models but we live our lives in Jesus. We contemplate His actions and interpret them to live them out in our given situation. We seek to understand how to bring His healing Love to those around us. In other words, we make Jesus our Sabbath. It is not about a day but living our lives according to a Person. It is about taking time to remind ourselves that we have a vocation in this world. This vocation is to allow Jesus to open our eyes and ears to perceive the world as He perceives. It requires much of our time, more than just a day. It is a lifestyle.

Jesus lived in this world to serve and heal. He served and healed without reservation. He brought hope and joy to the people. The Sabbath of the Pharisees was oppressive and death producing. Well, what about the complicated story in the Old Testament? The Bible is a story of humanity’s growing understanding of God. It shows how imperfect nature could never fully grasp the goodness and love of God. Many people want God to be a tyrant and tell them what to do. A tyrannical God always commits atrocious acts. Many Christians past and present prefer this kind of God. However, the Lord of the Sabbath calls us to separate ourselves and contemplate on God who is life giving. God who wants to use Sabbath to renew our strength and gives us the courage to face the chaos and trouble in the world and be transformed into springs of eternal water. Sabbath is about living Life and living it to the fullness. Only the Lord of the Sabbath can help us achieve this. He is the fountain of our Life. Let us drink from it daily.

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own, but will speak whatever he hears, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, because he will take what is mine and declare it to you. John 16:13-14

It is Pentecost Sunday! The Day of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes in the New Testament, the apostles refer to this same Spirit as the Spirit of Jesus. According to the gospel of John, Jesus said that The Holy Spirit would come to reveal the nature and ministry of Jesus to the world.

We are accustomed to this idea and accept it without any question. Most of us have heard these teachings since we were young. Maybe we do not realize how all this is very confusing. All it takes is a clever atheist to point this out to us.

Jesus was in the flesh and blood here on earth. Then He died on the Cross. His disciples believed everything had ended with his death. We know the story. Then He rose from the dead. Death was no longer an obstacle. He overcame the greatest enemy of all living things. At this point, the disciples must have been relieved. Their Lord was back with them again. Unfortunately, He left them once more in a very dramatic fashion and this time for good. We have a feast day for this in our liturgical calendar. Sometimes this day passes by so quickly and quietly that we do not have time to think about it. It is the Feast of the Ascension. We say it in our Creed. He ascended into the heavens and is seated at the right hand of the Father. Jesus claimed that it was necessary for him to leave, so that the Holy Spirit could come and teach about Him. However, He was there in person. He could have stayed and cleared up many things. Maybe He could have remained and helped organize the church. Then the church would not have spilt over organizational issues. It could have saved years of fighting against heresy. Not to mention, the witch hunts etc. However, this was not the plan of the gospel. Apparently it was necessary for Jesus to ascend into the heavens because Jesus is the savior of the world. He does not belong to the church. He belongs to the world.

Some of you might already know this; Muslims also believe that Jesus ascended into the heavens. They also believe that He will return. However, they have a logical explanation for why Jesus ascended. In Islamic teachings, Jesus was not crucified. Some other person suffered that fate by mistake or rather, God created a confusion among His persecutors and the wrong person was apprehended. Then Jesus ascended into heavens to escape these wicked people. Obviously, this is not the Christian doctrine. Jesus, according to the gospels, never runs away from the world. He confronted and challenged the world. He never allowed the world to dictate His actions. He never allowed the circumstances and situations to influence His decisions. He stood above this world.

When the gospel tells us Jesus ascended to the heavens, there is an important message communicated here. Some preachers like to jump right to the Second Coming whenever the ascension is mentioned. However, we have a liturgical season dedicated to this subject. It is the season of Advent. The Feast of Ascension tells a different story. Jesus ascended to the heavens to liberate us. He wanted to liberate the early disciples from their limited views of the Saviour. The first Christians were Jewish. They had a Jewish idea of the Messiah. They believed that Jesus came strictly for the Jewish nation and therefore, it was important that He was physically present on the land of the Jewish nation. In their thinking, only their nation was relevant and the ministry of the Messiah was limited to their nation.

They could not fathom the relevance of the life and ministry of Jesus beyond their tiny community. When Jesus ascended to the heavens, He revealed that He was not restricted to one nation. He belonged to all people who sought something eternal in the midst of all things temporal. In each country, people believed that they would find this something. The Jewish people sought for the Messiah. In India, this messianic figure can be identified with Krishna in some circles. Then, there is Buddha. I am sure that there are many more who seek for something or someone whose message is eternal and life giving. Many of them look towards the heavens for the answer. For the ancients, the heavens are where eternal answers are found. There are vestiges of this conviction still present in modern people. In almost very big city, you will find people trying construct the tallest building in the world. They do it to draw attention to themselves. They are convinced that their attempt to reach the skies will prove their relevance to the rest of the world. Jesus did not construct a tower to reach the heavens. He was taken up. He belongs to the heavens. He stays there as a symbol and standard for all peoples. No doubt, many do not want Him to be there. They would rather have their symbols of power to dominate the skies.

Recently, someone asked me if our church believes in the rapture. The modern Anglican church is so diverse and complex that it is impossible to speak for it as a whole. Historically speaking, the church did not believe in it. Not just our church but almost all the historic churches. We preach a gospel of life. The doctrine of rapture is about escaping trial and tribulations in some cases or even leaving this world. However, trials and tribulations are part of life. Jesus faced trials and tribulations and brought forth something new and everlasting from them. The followers of Jesus should not seek to escape troubles nor sufferings. We look to the sky and see a Lord who faced all the chaos and troubles the world threw at Him. He endured hatred and bitterness and He responded with Love. He ascended to the heavens without any resentment towards those who murdered Him. He was free from all the things which restrict our lives here on earth. He revealed that His Life is the Way for all peoples because all peoples, regardless of their culture, religion and nation, want to be liberated from their restricted world dominated by hatred and resentment.

The salvation of Jesus liberates our hearts and minds. It frees us from the restrictive mindset of this world. It liberates us from looking through the eyes of nihilism and hopelessness. Jesus creates life and a new order in the midst of chaos. He went to the skies to let us know that He is giving us this power and authority to follow in His footsteps. Most importantly, He is lifted up unto the heavens to be the standard for all people. He is the standard for us to live a life in harmony with God. He is the way we can discover true and abundant life. He is the Truth which will overcome ignorance and hatred where it is spreading like a deadly disease in this world. He is a high standard. There is a temptation for us to look to others who have lower standards and claim access to the heavens. Usually the signs of these false messiahs are clear. Their attempts always result in confusion and lies.

Jesus is there high up in the heavens. He is not there to help us escape reality. He is there to remind us that it is possible to conquer the chaos surrounding us. However, we need to help. This is why we have this special day. The Day of the Holy Spirit. It is a Spirit who liberates us from ourselves. It liberates us from our restrictive mindset. The Holy Spirit came to enrich our lives and open doors for us to listen and understand others who seek something more concrete and real in this disordered world. It is a Spirit giving us the courage to say Yes to life and No to nihilism and death. Most importantly, it is the Spirit who gives us the power to recognize the Presence of Jesus transforming us to become more like Him. This is what is means to be spirit filled. We become more like Jesus and confront this world without fear nor resentment. We engage in this world without being drawn into its web of hatred and discord. The Holy Spirit is here to transform us. However, not everyone waits on this Spirit. Many would rather keep Jesus in the closet somewhere and take Him out whenever they need Him and then hide Him away. This Jesus does not exist. Only those who have the courage to look up to see Jesus ascended into the heavens will welcome the Holy Spirit to transform them to become like Him. Therefore, let us look up to the One and Only Saviour exalted in the heavens to learn how to live our lives fully engaged in this world. Let us receive His Holy Spirit giving us the power and wisdom to do this in His Holy Name.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.” John 15:12-17

Perhaps most of us should find these verses disturbing. Surely they are difficult words for us to accept. Maybe we are so mesmerized by their beauty and familiarity that we overlook their controversial nature. Sometimes I have heard preachers talk about God’s friendship with us and they forget to mention that friendship is a two way street. It is great to have a friend like Jesus. However, Jesus tells us that we are to become a friend like Him. He laid down His life for his friends and we should do the same.

Surely this is too much for most of us. We can understand dying for our family members. Many times I have heard people say that they will defend their families to death. They believe that this makes them sound noble. However, Jesus, on the other hand, said some controversial things in regards to our families.

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14: 26

He speaks about our blood relations in the negative but He extols friendship. He teaches us that the truest expression of love is when we lay down our lives for our friends. However, why just friends? Why not for a noble cause? In Jesus’ time, there were zealots who willingly sacrificed their lives for their nation. They would have loved it if Jesus had said that greatest love is to lay one’s life for a grand cause or something to that effect. He didn’t. He said friends.

We use many different words to describe the nature of our relationship with each other. We have work colleagues, club members, church friends and the list goes on. Many times these words limit the nature of our relationships. We say that these people are our friends only in a given context. Beyond this context, the friendship tends to lose its intensity. For most people, if they are willing to admit it, friendship is not a necessity. It is almost like a cordial way of dealing with people whom we need to be with for a determined period. This is true for most people who are well adjusted in this world. They conform to all the given roles in society. Every one has their allocated space and time. Therefore, the words of Jesus in this and almost every societal context go against the cultural norms. They set themself against the values of this world. They invite us to look at the person to whom we have no social obligation and open ourselves to them. Jesus makes it even more complicated. He implies that our understanding of salvation is dependent on it.

For those who find themselves lost in this world, friendships are the only anchor to ensure them a place in reality. In other words, the words of Jesus are gospel only to those who are disillusioned with the values of this world.

Our homeless youth would not find the words of Jesus so controversial. However, this does not mean that they would willingly die for each other. This would be sheer nonsense for them. They wouldn’t have any qualms saying this directly to each other. However, their bond of friendship is deeper than most people in society. They need each other for survival. At night, our youth sleep in groups and they need the tactile presence of each other to make them feel safe and secure. For them, their homes and families are the source of traumas and their friends are part of the healing process. I think this is perhaps true for many people reading this too. However, our homeless children and youth are allowed to admit this. Many who live so-called regular lives are restricted from admitting this due to social pressures. However, Jesus is only interested in the Truth which liberates our souls from falsehood.

Our children might understand the importance and relevance of friendship but this does not mean that they would find the words of Jesus easy. They still pose a challenge. They require us to lay down our lives for our friends, something which our homeless youth would consider ridiculous no matter how much they love their friends. I am sure that this reflects the honest sentiments of many. Before we ignore these words because of their difficulty, we should consider trying to break this down to something small and simple which is doable on a daily basis. Instead, of laying down our lives, we should consider the words, “dying to oneself”.

In today’s world, we are bombarded with technology and items which cater to our desires. There are countless opportunities to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. Today people don’t even need to leave their living room to find a romantic partner. I think the point is clear and I don’t have to labour on it. In this context, “dying to ourselves” means simply making the time to be with someone else. It is coming out of our isolated shells and making time for others. People have isolated themselves so much that they became ill both physically and emotionally. They need friends to heal their souls. They need people who are willing to die to themselves and make time to reach out to them.

We meet the youth every day at the same spot and this time, maybe because of the years we spent with them, they come looking for us. Almost everyday at the same time, they drop everything they are doing and join us at our spot. Usually we sit on the ground and talk with them and eventually we end up with a game of Uno. Recently, we noticed a group of Chinese immigrants who work in the restaurants joining us at this time. They don’t really participate in our activities but they sit and observe our interactions. We have become their coffee break activity. The youth noticed them and they liked it. There are also some street cleaners who observe us from a distance. Sometimes they inform us where the young people are when we arrive there. At other times, random people stop and make comments and just sit and watch our interactions with each one. Just recently, we were playing a game and a young man came up to us and asked us if he could play as well. We were taken aback at first but our homeless youth made some space for him to sit. He played with us and told us that he was baker and was in-between jobs. He sat and interacted with us. The youth treated him well. He played with us until it was time for him to go to his new job. Maybe he needed to participate in something calm and soothing before embarking on this new phase in his life.

I have to say something which makes us feel delightfully happy. There is a deeper and stronger bond of friendship between us and the youth. It is so strong that others are taking notice of it. It is not a one way friendship. The youth enrich our lives, they make time for us. We make time for them. People around us are making time to be with us in the heart of a busy city where people are constantly being isolated from each other. A group of homeless youth are drawing the attention of the people. The amazing thing is that they don’t see them as a group of homeless young people but friends having a good and healthy time with each other. Many don’t realize it whenever they see us together but I am sure they sense it in their souls. In the midst of our card games and conversations, Jesus is the center of all. Maybe it is this presence which gives them the courage to approach us. He is the one who unites us and overcomes all social and cultural barriers. The youth opened themselves to us and we open ourselves to them. Now, complete strangers are beginning to open themselves to us. This is the gospel. This is why Jesus said it is important to lay down our lives for our friends. In our reality, it simply means giving each other our time.

A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.’ Thomas answered him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Jesus said to him, ‘Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.’ John 20:26-29

This is definitely one of my favorite passages from the gospels. It gives us permission to talk about doubt. Many times people are afraid to be misunderstood when they express their doubts because most of us are taught to think that doubt is incompatible with faith.

There is doubt and then there is being consumed by doubt which is incompatible with faith. Many great saints in the history of our faith had doubts. Their doubts helped them in their faith. However, the contrary is also true. There are many who claim to have faith but doubts consumed their souls. They live in a world where everything is filtered through their doubts. It becomes their primary expression of faith.

Having doubts is not contrary to faith. Thomas had faith but he questioned what the apostles told him. If he had lost his faith, he would have gone back to whatever he was doing before he followed Jesus. Instead, he was with the apostles even though the Man in whom he based his faith was tortured and murdered right before his very eyes. Now, the apostles were telling him something incredibly new. Christ had risen from the grave. If we can place ourselves in the shoes of this man, we can understand that all this would be a bit overwhelming for any decent person. Understandably, the words of his fellow apostles were not sufficient. He had to know for himself. He had doubts and only the true living Lord could satisfy him. He was not going to base his faith on hearsay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Not to forget, all apostles only believed after they met the Risen Christ. Therefore, Thomas was not any different from any one of them. Jesus met this apostle where he was spiritually.

Jesus never rebuked Thomas for questioning the accounts of the disciples. We have to be careful that we do not insert what is not present in the text. Jesus did not rebuke Thomas! He freely attended to the apostle’s conditions so that he could be free from his doubts and believe. His demands were not reasonable at that time. Jesus was still present in flesh and blood. He wanted to meet Jesus in this manner, albeit a little morbid. Thomas had deep faith despite his doubts. It was more profound than the other apostles. The gospel tells us that he was the first one in the gospel to confess the divinity of Jesus in a public manner. The other apostles saw the resurrected Lord and were amazed. However, only Thomas connected all the dots. His doubts helped him to reconstruct his concept of Jesus. Doubts have a tendency to this. They can help us to see the magnitude of God’s love and power in a new light.

Human history reveals to us that doubts open doors to great discovery. The early philosophers expressed doubts about the veracity of the Greek mythology. Their doubts led them to seek the Truth in nature and the order of the universe. Their discovery helped them formulate the concept of the Logos, the Living Word, which our beloved evangelist redefines in his introduction of the ever-living presence of Jesus in the gospel of John. St Augustine of Hippo doubted that God in the Old Testament was the same as the One in the New Testament. His doubts helped him discover the nature of God and our limited understanding of the nature of evil. Martin Luther doubted what was taught to him in the Roman Catholic Church. He questioned the image of God which was presented to him. It freed him to rediscover the image of God revealed in Jesus. Our history is filled with people who had doubts but they never lost their faith. Their doubts helped them rediscover the face of God. However, there is an important element present in all these people. They had doubts but they were still open to receive the Truth. In other words, their doubts did not hinder their faith.

In C. S. Lewis’ book, the Last Battle, there is a scene describing a group of dwarfs sitting in a circle. They were oblivious to what was going around them. They believed that they were safe in a dark and empty shed. In reality, they were out in the open and the Sun was shining brightly. However, they only saw darkness. Everyone tried to convince them that it was Light to no avail. The dwarfs refused to believe anything but their version of reality. For them, there was only darkness and despair. Aslan, the Christ figure, prepared a sumptuous meal for them. They said that it tasted bitter and the food looked nasty. They were so consumed by their doubts that nothing good could be true. Their world was in a permanent state of darkness. Even Aslan could do nothing for them. They had made their choice. There was no room for Light in their souls.

During Holy Week, Mary and I were walking home from where we usually meet the homeless youth. We have to walk pass a sketchy part of the city. This area in the past was known as “Mouth of Trash”. In the past, there were shootouts and other violent activities in this area. Things have gotten better since then. However, it is still considered a dangerous area. We walk past it every day and we are a familiar face to that area. However, this time there was a blackout and it was about 8 o’clock in the evening. The whole area was pitch black. Only a handful of businesses had generators. The most of the apartment buildings were old and none of them were equipped with one. The streets had tons of people sitting around waiting for the power to come back. There were areas which were completely dark and abandoned. The blackout made them look more ominous than usual. These were the areas where the drug addicts usually hide to use their toxic substances. Needless to say, all the elements to make this place more dangerous than usual were present. Moreover, to make matters, there was no police around. We were abandoned to the elements. We walked about thirty minutes through this area in complete darkness. Strangely, we were not afraid. The most amazing thing was nothing happened. No one got robbed in an area usually known for thefts. There was no looting. No cars were stolen. Nothing happened. The blackout lasted for 24 hours, yes, we have an incompetent electrical service in the biggest city in Latin America. The media hardly reported on the incident except for a few measly lines about the blackout because there was nothing to say. People did not murder nor rob their neighbors. The most dangerous area of the city survived the blackout without any major crimes. There was not enough information to feed those who were consumed by darkness to affirm their constant state of doubt. We got home that night safely like every other night. We were surrounded by darkness but it did not prevail.

Sometimes people tell us how things are falling apart in the world. I admit that I do this also. When we are gather together with my friends, I tell them that things are getting from bad to worse. I stand by this statement. Every year the homeless situation here gets worse. We are seeing families living in the streets with their children. The local government is doing nothing to alleviate the plight of the homeless. Instead they force them to keep moving from location to location without providing any concrete solution. They made laws forbidding restaurants from giving leftovers to the homeless. Things are not getting better. However, it does not mean Light is not present. It does not mean God has abandoned us. Sometimes I doubt if God is really doing something. I bring my doubts to the streets and see Jesus always present showing me His wounds. Every time we bring our doubts to Him, He renews our faith in such a way that we have the courage to join Thomas and say, “My Lord and My God!” with renewed conviction. My doubts have strengthened my faith. I believe they will strengthen yours, too. As long as we are open to the Truth, despite our doubts, then these same doubts can be a blessing to our faith.

And this is the judgement, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed. But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God. John 3:19-21

This week, Light was shed to reveal something disturbing.

We got reacquainted with some of the homeless youth whom we haven’t seen for some time. Most of them are older now, maybe in their late teens or early twenties. They were very affectionate and hugged us. Some of them we have known for years. We have colored, played games, and talked with them since they were little children. We have many wonderful memories of them. We know that all of them had great potential to be good and loving people. Unfortunately, they were gathered to together to rob innocent people in the subway station. We have been doing this long enough to see the signs. We knew what was going to happen and our hearts were deeply saddened. These young people prefer to remain in the darkness. They are not, by nature, bad. They just like the darkness. They want to remain in it. They are so consumed by what they want that they are indifferent to the woes of their victims. There is a name for the root of these evil deeds. It was given in the past but has fallen into disuse in recent times. Not because it has lost its relevance. Most probably we prefer to hide it in the dark. The name of this evil was known as acedia. Sometimes it is referred to as spiritual or mental sloth or, in more concrete terms, a sense of apathy or indifference towards the suffering of others.

Over the years, we have had the misfortune of witnessing countless robberies. It is part and parcel of this ministry. The toughest thing is that usually the perpetrator is not unknown to us. On more than one occasion, we had to console the victims and weep within our souls for the sins of our own children. It is heart-breaking to see how they can commit such horrendous things without care and concern for the feelings of the victims. Unfortunately, this is how the world functions. We have seen thousands of people walk by homeless children and young teens, even families sleeping in the streets everyday without any care or compassion towards them. They treat them as invisible at best or as pests at worst. Everyone is too busy with their own lives that in order to survive and strive in this world we need to perfect this wickedness of acedia. We have even developed technologies to aid us with this. I can give more examples of this sin but I don’t want to dwell in darkness. There are more interesting things to focus on.

The Light shines brightly and darkness is powerless to resist it.

There are a group of homeless youth who have decided not to allow this evil to dwell in their hearts. These are the ones who have opened themselves to us. Recently, we had a talk with them about this matter. They shared with us that when they were younger, they used to steal just like the others. They said that it was almost impossible not to be involved because of the peer pressure. Rone shared that one day he robbed a drunk man in the streets. He wasn’t a drunk but someone who had too much to drink during an office outing. He was completely out of it and had an Ipad on him. Rone saw the opportunity and stole it without any resistance from his victim. However, before he could walk away, something touched his heart. He returned and gave the item back to the victim. I asked him what was the reaction of the victim. He told me that the guy was so out of it that he did not know anything had happened. Nevertheless, this was the last time he stole. Now, he survives by recycling and doing odd jobs. He even refuses to beg for his food because sometimes begging dehumanizes people who give. This is, perhaps, a topic for another reflection. Incidentally, this same young man introduced us to a new experience last week. He got some money together and asked our help to get a certain document. We agreed to do it for him. He wanted to meet for lunch before we do the documents. However, only on the condition that we allow him to pay for our lunch. We insisted that each person should pay for their own meal. He insisted that either we allow him to pay or he won’t go with us. We went to a cheap restaurant which was actually quite good. He had planned this for a while. He went around looking for a restaurant within his price range which would be appropriate for us. There are quite a number of scary restaurants here. We sat in the restaurant for more than two hours. No one realized that there was a world of homelessness which separated us. We shared a meal together as brothers and sister.

Rone and the others have similar stories why they stopped stealing and hurting others. They stay together and spend time with us during the day. In fact, we have increased our time in the streets which is a good thing. Bruno shared something interesting with us. He talked about his friendship with a woman who recently passed away. She was a bank officer. This woman used to give him money regularly but she spent time with him for hours sometimes. He said that he liked her honesty. She did not censor her words with him. Sometimes she confronted his lifestyle. Bruno uses drugs very often. Despite all this, she still helped him with money and food. Bruno said that he missed her friendship. She did not pretend that he was someone else rather than who he is. It comforted him. In a subtle way, Bruno is saying that he wants us to be honest with him always. We have been honest with him and also with the rest of the youth who are with us. They are drawn to honesty but only when it is seasoned with Love. The Light can be a terrible place if there is no unconditional Love and healing. These young people who decided not to steal are not saints by any means. They are drawn to the Light because they are touched by Love. They have responded to Love and it gave them the courage to leave behind their state of apathy and indifference towards the Light.

Those who walk in the Light are not perfect. In fact, walking in the Light highlights our imperfection. Rone and Bruno are very aware of their imperfections. To the contrary, the ones who robbed think that they are basically good people. This is generally the attitude of those who live in the world of indifference and apathy. They are often times lost in the darkness of self-righteousness. The Light gives the courage to see ourselves as who we are. This courage gives the strength to shed the sin of acedia within us; the indifference towards the suffering of others. In the darkness, there are countless excuses to justify our apathy but in the Light, Love reveals a better way to live our lives. It is not a perfect one. However, there is a simple promise for those who respond the calling of Love to walk in the Light.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” 1 John1:7