When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place.  Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.  They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.  All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. Acts 2:1-4

Henry appeared to have everything. Born into wealth, he had expensive taste, was good-looking and always kept company with people who were just like him. He had one major concern. He wanted things to remain as they were. To ensure this, he needed money, more than what he had. It was no surprise that when he discovered a curious book in his friend’s library his thoughts immediately began conjecturing all possible means of earning countless cash. The book was a scientific document of a bizarre kind entitled, “A Report on a man who can see without using his eyes.” It was a testimony of an English doctor who encountered a circus performer in India who was able to see while securely blindfolded. This man learned this skill from a Hindu sage. It occurred as an accident. He was trying to gain some spiritual enlightenment through meditation. He was supposed to spend hours just focusing on one thing. After years of doing this, he unexpectedly discovered that his mind could see beyond the object of his focus, or rather see through it. Unfortunately, greed made him dispense his spiritual quest and he used this skill to earn a living for himself. Henry was not interested in any spirituality. He just wanted to make millions at the Black Jack table. Now, if he had this capability, he would able to see the numbers of the cards before they are turned over. He would make a killing. That was it. His greed convinced him that this was the way to go.

It took longer than he expected; ten years to be precise. With trained concentration, he was to see the numbers of the cards face down with his mind. He did not waste any time. He went immediately to the black jack table at the local casino. He was careful. He intentionally lost the first few hands in order not to arouse any suspicion. Then he employed his newly gained talent. He saw the numbers clearly. He took risks which no one would ever dare because they did not his posses his skill. There was no stopping him. He made thousands of dollars that night. No doubt he had to discipline himself to stop in order not to arouse any suspicion. He collected all his winnings in a large bag and went back to his apartment. He sat on his bed and looked at all the cash. Strangely, he felt empty. It was not what he expected. He was a little disappointed actually. He felt absolutely nothing. No joy, no peace.

He went out to the balcony to smoke. It was early in the morning and the streets were filled with people scurrying along about their business. He took a hundred dollar note and released it. It floated gently down and landed on the sidewalk. No one noticed it. Everyone was too busy to notice anything peculiar except for an older man out for a stroll. He picked it and looked around to see if he could find its rightful owner. Then Henry yelled out to him, “Its mine! You can have it!” “You’re sure?” “Yes! Enjoy!” “Well, thank you very much!” The old man went on his way. Then Henry took the whole bag and tossed all the money. All the hundred dollar bills floated down as if they came from the heavens. This time everyone noticed. They were running after the bills, some laughing and some pushing others away to grab hold as many bills as they could get their hands on. Henry enjoyed watching the whole scene. There was a strange feeling of relief and maybe a slight sensation of joy. Then, there was a knock. He opened it and there was a policeman who obviously annoyed. “Are you the one who threw out all the money?” “Yes. It is my money and I don’t believe that I committed a crime.” “Well, it’s a shame that you are so frivolous with your money. I grew in an orphanage. There were days we wished that someone could have helped us with the kind of money you just dispatched out of your window.” The policeman turned and walked away. Henry was changed forever. He knew what he needed to do. He finally found a way to be a wealthy man without any need of money. He died as one without a single cent to his name.

Roald Dahl wrote this story. It is called “The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar”. This week I went to bed thinking about the biblical text for the day of Pentecost and I woke up remembering this story. I never realized it. This is a story of the Pentecost because it is a story of Hope.

Henry put all his eggs in one basket just like us. Reasoning from his life experiences, he came to the conclusion of what he believed to be a happy and fulfilling life. It is what we all do. We can only use the resources available to us to decide what is the best possible life for us. Henry was one of the privileged ones. He chose according to his exclusive lifestyle. Our children and teens come from the other extreme. They chose accordingly to what was available to them. Most of us reading this did exactly the same. We decide what we believe to be the best life and we put all our efforts into achieving it. The problem is that we are all sinful people. It doesn’t mean that we are wicked people. Being sinful means we don’t see things clearly. We only have a blurred vision of what is good and right for us. We have a deficient view of happiness. We see everything according to our limited resources, but life is much greater than what is before us. Henry, in the story, was able to see with his eyes but yet he was still blind to what was important to him. Many of us can’t say that we have this skill but we may say that we are brought up in the faith or we have been lifelong church people. We might even say that we have some religious experience that makes see beyond what is represented before us. All these things might be good. St Paul tells us that he had all these things and yet he was still blind, He was still driven by hatred. In the end, we find ourselves in the same place as Henry and perhaps like the apostles in the day of Pentecost as they waited in the upper room. We end up in a place where we confront all our achievements and realize that they do not bring the peace and happiness we expected. We sit there wondering, “Is there something more to this?” The best we could do is submit ourselves to superficial acts which might bring some brief relief to our souls. However, we need something more than this. We need to hear a voice that would lift us above the present and help us transcend the situation we find ourselves. We need the Holy Spirit.

For many years, my reflection had been restricted to the gift of tongues. However, we live in a strange season where everything seems to be on the brink of collapse. Everything is changing including how we interact with our children and teens. Our teens are asking for our companionship because they want to talk. They want to know how to live their lives in this particular time where everything seems uncertain and chaotic. We don’t have the answers. This is new to us as well. However, we know that there is a voice that will come and give us the wisdom to transcend what we see with our eyes. We know this because it has happened once and it continues to occur wherever hopelessness seem to dominate.

The Holy Spirit will come to help us discover hope even in the worst possible situation and circumstance. This is the everlasting message of the Day of Pentecost.

When he had said this, as they were watching, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. While he was going and they were gazing up toward heaven, suddenly two men in white robes stood by them. They said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up toward heaven? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven. – Acts 1:9-11

And now I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one.- John 17:11

This world is broken. It has nothing to do with what is happening now. It has been this way for a long time; since the day when humanity took a bite of the forbidden fruit, they have never stopped trying to replace God. Ever since then, they followed the footsteps of Cain and have murdered their own mothers, sisters, brothers and fathers in many different ways. They continue to oppress each other with their imposing towers of power and authority. Nevertheless, they always come tumbling down. Maybe the towers we have constructed recently are being shaken and slowly bit by bit the pieces are inevitably falling down. We will never know until when it is all done. It is not something new. It has always been like this even when Jesus was walking among His disciples. Although, He brought something new and refreshing to those who despaired at the way things were. His followers knew this world was broken and they believed that perhaps Jesus would fix it. Instead, He died on the Cross, another victim of this broken world. The Resurrection ushered something new. It brought hope to their souls again. There was something beyond this broken world. However, His ascension must have been confusing to his disciples. After all, they barely recovered from the trauma of the Cross and now their Lord was ascending and leaving them. Once again they stood alone in this broken world. Jesus promised the Holy Spirit. Personally, I would have preferred if Jesus just remained with us. He was just like us; a material being and the Spirit is immaterial. It is hard to feel secure and safe with a presence that I cannot see. The disciples understood this. They stood there and watched the Lord ascend in the air and vanish into an immaterial world. I imagined that it was a little disappointing. Even Jesus understood this dilemma. He prayed for the Father to protect them. They are in the world but they do not belong to this world.

When I was first exposed to this ministry to the homeless, I was a very young man. I was prone to believe that everything could be solved with a simple solution. I was convinced that the problem of homelessness was solely addiction. I thought drugs were the demon destroying the lives of these people. I worked for five years with this mindset, refusing to listen or see what was before me. I was blinded by own convictions. Then I took a short break from the ministry and came back to it a few years later. I changed my outlook. I remained naive and stubborn. I just changed convictions. I thought the problem was social injustice coupled with addiction. Both times, I stood and studied the situation as an outsider. I needed to step back and return for the third time. This time I was a little older and maybe wise enough to know that life is too complex for simplistic solutions. Besides, I realized that I don’t have the answers. Then I heard the voices of despair. It wasn’t addiction or poverty that brought people young and old to the streets. If these were the only problems, then a clinical treatment and political activism could solve it. The problem is much more profound. This world is broken and doesn’t want to change. The solutions being offered are broken solutions, perpetuating the destructive pattern of this age. There are many who are perfectly content in this environment. They like to maintain things as they are. They become its servants and advocates. I count myself among them. I was content in my world and I shut my eyes to its brokenness. This time I was forced to open my eyes and understand why people turn to drugs and even crime. They don’t believe that the world has anything positive to offer to them anymore. They don’t believe in this broken world. However despite this, they refuse to choose death. Something in them has convinced them that there might still be hope, but not from this world. Perhaps in the One who ascended into sky. They are in the streets looking up and wondering if they will ever see Him again.

The quarantine has changed everything. We don’t know where the children and teens are anymore. They are not in one determined location like before. However, they know where we are. They call us and we meet them separately in an open area. All of us wear masks and we communicate our sentiments through our eyes. One of the girls, who decided to go home, told us that things were going from bad to worse. They went back to their home and initially everything seemed to be fine. For a brief moment, it appeared as if their escape to the streets was maybe an irrational mistake in the past. Unfortunately, everything is returning to the way it used to be and these girls are no longer safe in the place which should have been haven. They are looking for a small place to rent in the slums. We have promised them that we would help. They need to be safe from the pandemic as well as from abuse
. For a moment there, we wanted to believe that everything would work out for these young women. Regrettably, the world is still broken and the pandemic is not going to fix it. They returned to this unsafe environment because it is the only place for them now. The amazing thing is that they are not in despair. They have hope even if it appears like everything is falling apart.

The world is broken and everyone has known this for a long time. Buddha, Socrates, Plato and many great spiritual leaders and thinkers have warned us. They taught us to look beyond this broken world for hope and happiness. Some recommended that we retreat within ourselves to discover this hope. Jesus ascended for the whole world to see that the hope comes from beyond our reality and brokenness. He wanted us to look beyond ourselves for hope. His ascension was not an abandonment but an extension of His availability to all peoples. His Kingdom was not restricted to any geographic location nor any historic moment. His domain is the sky where everyone in every part of the world has access. However, only those who are discontent with this present world will be watching the skies to see an answer comes from it. It would have been great if Jesus remained with us in flesh and blood. However, this would have restricted Him. There are people all over the world in despair and pain, They sense the abandonment and loneliness that comes from this broken world. They are searching for an answer. Something that will help them make sense of their very own existence. When they look to the sky for a response, the Ascended Christ will be waiting for them.

Recently, Felipe started reading books. He felt moved to produce his own words. He wrote something simple and gave it to us as a gift. We want to share it with you.

“Brothers and sisters, know this one thing. If you decide to walk away from God, He will never walk away from you. If you decide not to believe in God, He will never decide to stop believing in you. If you feel yourself being dragged down into darkness, God’s angels will guide you back to His Light. Know that everything that happens to you, God uses them to draw you closer to Him. Never forget no matter happens, God’s angels never abandon you!”

He wrote this because this was his experience when he was homeless alone in the streets since the age of 8. He ran away to the streets because he suffered spiritual and physical abuse at home. He knew that this world was broken. However, when he looked up to the sky, he saw the Ascended Christ promising him that there is Hope regardless of the brokenness of this world. It is this hope that will sustain all those who are discontent with the false promises of this world.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”-John 14:1-5

My first parish came with a parsonage. It was a beautiful house, bigger than anywhere we had ever lived. It was also fully furnished. The living room came with everything that a couple would need to get started. Maybe there was some exaggeration as well. It shared the same compound as the church which we appreciated. It was surrounded by a beautiful garden and even came with two of the best natured dogs. We fell in love with the dogs immediately. As for the house, it never became our home. There was nothing wrong with it. We were never miserable in it. We enjoyed having our morning coffee sitting on the porch with our dogs. Besides all this, it never was our home. It did not belong to us. It was full of memories of past priests and maybe there wasn’t room for us. Sometimes one of the parishioner would drop for a visit, something we encouraged and enjoyed and she or he would say, “I remember this sofa. We had many good times with it when it was in my grandmother’s house.” Another would say, “That chair over there was my late father’s favorite chair.” Everyone had some emotional connection to this house except us. Needless to say, I did not stay long at the parish. Not because it was a difficult place. It was like any other parish. We made some good friends. Some were not too crazy about me. The dogs …they will always be our favorite dogs. We needed something else to make it our home. It helped us understand our children and teens. It takes more than comfort and luxury to make a home. Most of them would not be able to answer exactly what they needed. I wouldn’t have been able to say it too. I was only aware that I was not at home. Jesus tells us that there is a perfect home for us. He Himself prepared it. We just need to find it.

Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” John 14:6-7

I memorized this verse in my mid teens. I was taught that it was an excellent evangelistic tool to assert the exclusivity of Christ for the means of salvation, but I never really felt comfortable using it this way. Not because I don’t believe it. I do believe that Christ is our way of salvation. I wouldn’t be a Christian if I thought otherwise. However, this was answer Jesus gave to the apostle Thomas when he asked for the way to his eternal home. The apostle was a follower of Jesus. He left everything to be with his disciples. He did not need to be convinced of the exclusivity of Jesus. He lived it. However, he wanted to know if he could find what Jesus was proposing: a place where he could truly be at peace. Jesus gave this answer. Still it does not make it easy to find our eternal abode. Some have given up and settled for something less than perfect. They have postponed their occupancy of this house that Jesus promised for the afterlife. However, Thomas wanted to see in the here and now. The house that Jesus prepared for us is here in our eternal reality which includes our past, present and future.

It seems like we are going to stuck in our apartment for another month, maybe even longer. I can’t complain. Everything in this apartment is full of memories that belong only to us. Thankfully, there is still room for many. However, the empty chairs at the dining table where our friends used to talk with us over coffee remind me that there is still something missing. We are at home but at the same time, we are learning that our home has nothing to do with our apartment. It has to do with the relationships that we have constructed in this place. We feel at home but right now, something is missing.
Then the phone rang. It was Erica. She and Kwanna came to the center of the city to get some groceries that a church was giving away. Now they don’t have money to take the bus back to their mother’s house. We arranged to meet them at our usual place.

It was nice to see them again. They looked well. Kwanna had asked me to bring a book for her. She has started to read again which is a good thing. She is an intelligent young woman who was never given the opportunity to develop herself. This quarantine is giving her back the desire to read again. Their home life is far from ideal. In fact, it could be dangerous. She came from a complicated past and her home was the source of her problems. Erica and Kwanna are not sisters. Erica was given up to the orphanage as a young child. Her mother is currently in prison. They met in the streets and now they are together as soul mates. They don’t have home and Kwanna’s mother’s house is their only choice until the pandemic gets under control. Her mother recently lost her job which hardly paid for anything. The family was involved in crime but now I believe that they are trying to take a different road. Getting food is a challenge. We help them whenever they are in center of the city where we live.

Our time together was brief. It was hard to have any profound conversation while wearing a mask. As we were talking, a homeless man came to us. Initially, I thought that he wanted some money. I was wrong. He told us that he had just received a donation of canned food. Apparently, it was too much for him and he wanted to know if we can use it. The girls accepted it and he was overjoyed. He came back with a bag full of canned food and even had some packed lunches he received as a donation. The girls refused the lunch as they had already eaten. Even though the man insisted, the girls refused because they thought that the food would not eaten right away and someone else might need it more.

The girls told us that they were keeping safe and that they will call us again next week. Our time together did not last more than half hour. However, it was enough to know this was the place that Jesus had prepared for us. We went back to talk to the homeless man for a few minutes. I asked him if he needed anything else besides food. He smiled and said, “I just need a strong drink.” Then he noticed our accent and asked us where we were from. I wasn’t in the mood to get into where we were from, besides he was way more interesting than our past travels. I told him that this city is our home and that’s why we are here. He really wanted to try out his broken Spanish. He made a faulty but yet powerful attempt to speak Spanish because he assumed that we were from the neighboring Spanish speaking countries. He said, “I am glad that someone like you has come to live in this place with us.”

This is how I am reassured again that the homeless children, teens, and adults of this city are the mansion that Jesus has prepared for us. This is where we feel at peace regardless of the chaos that ensues around us. This is where we discover what the Father’s mansion looks like.

When the Good Shepherd has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from him because they do not know the voice of strangers. John 10:4-5

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

We were able to meet some of the teens this last week albeit for a short period. Wallace needed his documents. We have some of their documents for safekeeping. As you can imagine, it is easy to lose these things in the streets. However, now the State is giving some financial assistance and Wallace needs his documents to get access to some aid during this quarantine. It was good to see Wallace again. It has been more than a month. His first reaction was to give us a hug. We had to refrain. It wasn’t easy. Expressing our affection is part and parcel of our relationship. It is hard to have this essential element of our relationship stripped away from us even though it is just temporary. At least, we hope that this is the case. Many things have changed. Wallace has realized this. Nevertheless, he hasn’t quite grasped everything. Most likely, he never will. He is a young adult but he has the simplicity and innocence of a young child. He just turned 22 recently. We had plans to celebrate his birthday in a nice bakery where he could order his favorite dessert. He was looking forward to it. Unfortunately, everything has changed since then.

With Wallace came Gabriel who is not much different from him. They share a simple way of looking at life. Initially, he wanted to hug us too but we told him that we need to be careful. He understood. We were getting ready to go home and Gabriel asked if he could walk with us for part of the way. I asked him what he thought about all the changes taking place. He did not know what to make of it. However, he said that he missed the days when we were all together….when everything was “normal… We missed these days too. We looked forward to being with the children and teens everyday. Meeting them brought joy and meaning to our life. Now, it is gone. We know that it is temporary and necessary. It feels like something permanent has taken place. Our foundations are shaken. Things that used to bring fulfillment and significance to our lives are suddenly no longer there. And what about abundant life? Can we find it in the midst of this?

Obviously, the appropriate answer to this question will be a resounding, “Yes!” However, we cannot accept this answer without careful reflection and honest questioning. Only then it can bring much needed comfort to our soul. We cannot resort to superficial optimism as well. Repeating mantras like all these things will pass soon. Well, nothing in this world whether good or bad is forever. To say that everything will eventually pass is stating the obvious. Saying everything will gradually go back to normal is also baseless and in some situations callous. Almost three thousand have died in the city of São Paulo from the virus and there is nothing to indicate that it will slow down. These people will be permanently missing in the lives of the relatives and friends. We desire that things to go back to normal because we, as human beings, don’t like changes. Nobody likes changes even a slight one means that we need to adjust ourselves to a new environment. We are right to dread changes. We cannot to go through something like a worldwide pandemic and expect everything to go back to normal. If anything, in order to move forward, we need to be courageous to face the truth. The life that we constructed and based our happiness upon is very fragile. It doesn’t take much to make everything come stumbling down.

We began this year hopeful. We were building new relationships and enjoying a deepening of our ministry. We never imagined that a microscopic organism was going to bring everything to a halt. This city has seen slavery, revolutions, civil and military dictatorship, gang violence, corrupt politicians and many atrocities. None of these things ever paralysed it. Despite all the immense social problems, people always had time to hug and kiss each other even a complete stranger, the way people shake hands in other countries. We thought that this year was going to be a year of stronger relationships with our children and teens. Now, we hardly see them. We sense an emptiness in our lives. They sense an emptiness in their lives. We are surrounded with people who are locked in their apartments with a sense of separation and anxiety. Everyday, we hear the news that tells us that this is not going to end soon. I know the appropriate answer to the previous question is, “Yes! There is abundant life in this absurd circumstance in which we find ourselves.” It is the Truth and does not change with situations. It is the one thing that remains. It is the one thing that is most difficult to see and grasp now. This is why we need to listen. It can be easy now because all the other voices that have been promising us the good and happy life seem to be weak and almost drowned in the silence of the quarantine. They are not the voice of the Good Shepherd. His voice always lingers on despite the chaos and hopelessness. Nothing silences His Voice.

Wallace wasn’t the only young adult we met this week. We still meet Felipe weekly. We help him with some of his groceries. He is having a hard time with the changes too. Like the rest, he always wants to hug us each time we meet. However, he knows that he has to think about the welfare of his infant son at home. He needs to be extra careful. I met Felipe by myself one day. I needed to go to the grocery store and I met him to give him some money for his necessities. Since I was going to go in a different direction, I said our goodbye almost immediately. However, he asked if he could walk with me part of the way. I can’t remember what we were talking about but it was interesting. We did not want our conversation to end. Then I spoke to him about “words”. To be precise, about reading. I am trying to get him into reading.

I told him that “words” have the power to make us create images in our minds and once we conjure up these images, the words become our very own. No one can steal this from us. I saw Felipe’s face lit up. He understood what I was saying. I shared my experience about reading the Bible or literary work and how it invite us to become part of new worlds through our imagination. It enables us put ourselves in the lives of others especially those who suffer and we can sense how they feel. I told him that watching a movie is different. We participate but only as spectators. We watch images conjured in someone else’s imagination. They don’t belong to us. We cannot own them. Then he wanted to share something that happened to him recently. On his way to his home after our last meeting, he saw a beggar and suddenly he felt in his heart something heavy and sad. He went into the grocery store and bought milk and sandwich for the man with the little money he had. He said when he gave the man these things, his heart was consumed by a sense of peace. As I listened to his story, I realized that abundant life is still here.

It wasn’t the action of Felipe that moved me. It was very loving and sensitive of him to share the little that he has with those who have less. This in itself is special. However, the Good Shepherd revealed something more profound at that precise moment to me. It is easy to confuse abundant life as amalgamation of functions or services but in reality, this is just an illusion. What we do does not constitute abundant life. It is about listening to the voice of the Good Shepherd. Felipe listened to the Shepherd’s voice and it brought him peace and life. Listening to the voice is not a single event in our lives. It is a daily practice. We can also drown His voice. It is still easy to do this. We can still try to seek voices which entice us to follow a path of self-destruction. This was the norm in this world and we might be tempted to keep things as they were. However, the Good Shepherd is here and He is calling us. When we harken to His voice, it will bring the peace and joy of the abundant life. Felipe wasn’t trying to listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd. He was just available for God to speak to him. Then, he heard his voice through the beggar. We don’t have to stress ourselves by trying to listen to God’s beckoning. We just need to be available to listen to His voice coming from sources where we least expect it.

Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” John 19:26-29

This particular episode disturbs many tender souls. It is not because of doubt. We can understand Thomas’ reaction to the news of the Resurrected Jesus. Most of us can easily identify with him. No reasonable person in their right mind would believe news like the Resurrection without some concrete evidence. What most people find disconcerting is the apostle’s ghastly request. He wants to put his finger in the wounds of Jesus. Some people tend to skip this part of the story. The details conjure up gruesome images in our minds. We live in a different reality than Thomas. He lived in a time where people were brutally executed in the presence of the crowd. Many times people were forced to watch the gruesome event. Death, blood and violence were integrated into the everyday life of Thomas. The people then were not as squeamish about things like that. They did not have the privilege of living in a sanitized environment safe from the raw brutality of life. Most of us are able to create barriers between us and these things. We are enjoy living in blissful ignorance and are happy to receive everything in a safe sanitized package beginning with our food and maybe even extending to our knowledge of the gospel. Thomas lived in harsher times. His doubts were perhaps harsher too. He needed to see everything in the raw. He was not going to settle for secondhand testimony which is, in reality, sanitized spirituality. He wanted to encounter personally the living Christ in flesh and blood whose body was bruised and tortured on the Cross. He wanted all his doubts to be erased directly by the Resurrected Christ. Thomas’ faith is not for the faint of heart. It is the kind of faith that demands our heart and soul. Underneath the doubts, there was a gradual faith brewing. It exploded at the moment of his encounter with the Lord. He was the first apostle to openly acknowledge the divinity of Jesus.

Jesus never rebuked Thomas. He told him that he did not need to doubt anymore. He understood. Doubting is the very essence of our being. It is impossible for us as human beings not to doubt. In this time of quarantine, I am constantly doubting everything. I am questioning if this is all necessary. I am not sure that we are doing enough. I am in doubt if this will ever end. There are scientific arguments to eradicate these doubts and yet I still have them. It is impossible to imagine trusting God whom we cannot see without doubting. Some claim that they never experience any doubts; I have met such people. I doubt their assertion. I think that they need to examine themselves.

Doubt does not mean that we don’t believe in God. Having faith does not mean believing in God. St James tells us that even the demons believe in God (James 2:19). Neither does faith have anything to do in believing the doctrines of the Christian religion nor any religion for that matter. There is a confusion about this. Sometimes I hear people who belong to a certain denomination who seem to be sure who is saved and who is not. All because their doctrine has given them this assurance. It claims to open locked doors which Jesus never opened for us. It is hard to explain what exactly is faith unless it is accompanied by doubts. We need to be honest with our doubts in order for us to be consumed by faith. In other words, faith is God’s answer to our doubts. However, if we never acknowledge our doubts, we won’t be expecting an answer from God.

Thomas had his doubts but he knew that God will answer them. The evidence is quite obvious. He stayed with the rest. At least, he was partially convinced that his doubts would be cleared. In a strange way, he had faith despite his doubts. He was not questioning whether Jesus was alive. He was questioning whether the Resurrected Jesus was going to reveal Himself to him. I think that this is the doubt of many saintly people. Usually they are the ones who doubt the most whether they are going to be part of God’s household. They know that God is good and able to anything. They are just not sure if God is willing to act in their lives. These people are saintly not because they are trying to get into heaven through good works. They are saintly because they realize that God has the complete freedom to do as He pleases. He has no obligation towards anyone.

I always thought that Felipe was saintly even when he was living in the streets. He was heavily addicted to drugs then. There were rumors that he even prostituted himself to survive. Despite all this, he was and is saintly. It is hard to explain. Recently, because of the quarantine, Felipe lost his job. Now, he was without any income for his family of five. He called me early in the morning to let me know what happened. He was not really upset. He just needed to share with someone. I told him not to worry. We were willing to help him. About an hour later, my childhood friend from Singapore called. God has graciously blessed our friendship by bringing us to live together in the same country after 30 years. He called to let me know that he and his wife felt in their spirit to help someone in these tough and strange times. They were thinking about Felipe specifically. Of course, they are know about him through our many conversations. Nevertheless, they were unaware that he had called early. They offered exactly what Felipe would have earned for three months. The timing was perfect. I met him later in the week and told him about it. He was silent for a while and then he said God has always put good people in his life to show that he is not forgotten. I recalled Felipe saying a similar thing when he was sleeping in the streets. He told me then that God always sends people to remind the homeless that He has not forgotten them. Perhaps, in the morning when Felipe called me, he had doubts about whether God has abandoned him. The answer came almost immediately. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the answer takes ages. Most of the homeless will testify to this also including our young friend, Felipe.

Being saintly is not living without doubts. It is actually acknowledging that we are never sure if we are going to encounter the Resurrected Christ in a way that would erase all our doubts. However, despite this, we are still willing to wait in expectation. Thomas waited. Not only did he wait, he made some specific demands because he was honest about his doubts. He needed some concrete sensorial proof. In reality, this is the only way we as human beings can overcome our uncertainties. We need to know for sure with our senses. Doctrines and theories are great when nothing is at risk. However, when we confront our doubts, we need something concrete to help us cast them away. Thomas’ request was appropriate for his reality. On the other hand, we live in a different historic space and time. Jesus does not walk on earth in flesh and blood anymore. However, His Spirit is here. Felipe made this demand to see God in His life. The Spirit met him where he was. He became sensitive to the presence of the Spirit ever since he lived in the streets as a little child. This has sustained him all these years.

Today, we have a challenge before us. We are living a strange time with lots of uncertainties. We can no longer depend on sanitized faith. We need to touch the wounds of Jesus figuratively. It has to be very deep and personal. The world is in turmoil and we need to bring Hope into the conversation out there. However, the world has had enough of doctrines and philosophies. It needs something more real and palpable. Therefore, it is time for us to bring something real that we can encounter with our senses. It is time for us to put aside our imaginary inventions of faith and meet the living Resurrected Jesus. Our first step is to be honest with ourselves. We have to be willing to face our fears and doubts. At the same time we need to have some courage to wait for the Resurrected Christ to present Himself to us. We are not as privileged as Thomas. He got to touch the wounds of Jesus in person. We have to be a little bit more attentive. We need to be like Felipe and discern God’s voice in those around us.

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. And they cast lots to divide his clothing-Luke 23:34

Recently, there was a scandal. A local doctor, who dedicated most of his life working among the imprisoned, did a short segment on a televised program on incarcerated transgendered felons. He interviewed them on their challenges and struggles being incarcerated in one of the most crowded prison systems in the world. One particular person shared that she found loneliness and isolation to be the most difficult thing to be deal with in prison. Her family had abandoned her. She has been in prison for 8 years and has never received a visitor. It is almost as if she has ceased to exist. The doctor moved by her thoughts asked if he could give her a hug. His spontaneous act inspired others to be compassionate. People started sending letters to this particular person. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, someone from a religious group took it upon herself to investigate and publicly expose all the details of the crime of this prisoner. Regardless to say, it was heinous and despicable in nature. The post claimed that this prisoner was not a human but indeed a demon. Not many would disagree with this after the reading the nature of the crime. Many, especially the religious people, took upon themselves to make sure that everyone knew about this. Like the doctor’s action, this negative campaign had a contagious effect. It inspired many to express their hatred and disdain towards the transgendered woman and the doctor. Suddenly, the doctor was portrayed as a villain for being insensitive to the victim’s family. The doctor decided to put an end to this. He made a video apologizing to the family even though he never did anything to offend anyone or condone any crime. Besides, he was not aware of the crimes of any of the people whom he interviewed. It was clear that he was emotionally devastated by the outcry. He said that he is a doctor to the prisoners and he knows that all of them have committed serious offenses. However, he is their doctor and not their judge. He hugged her because he thought that it was right thing to do at that moment. His sincere comments did not calm the furor of religious sector. I don’t usually follow scandals but the outcry was impossible to avoid. Unfortunately, I heard it through some of my friends who went to church regularly. They were scandalized by the doctor’s actions and claimed that he did something shameful. This is the world we live in presently. It is not very much different from the one where everyone yelled, “Crucify Him!”

They were the same ones who wanted Jesus to be crucified for not being all that they wanted Him to be. They are the ones who chose a murderer over Jesus. Not because they cared for the welfare of the former but because they hated Jesus. They did not understand Him even though they had acknowledged Him as their Messiah not too long ago. It didn’t take long for them to realize that He was not there to fulfill their personal and national projects. They realize that His will was not aligned with their will. He was not going to hate those whom they hate and favor those whom they favored. He was not going to speak the same language as the religious authorities of His time. He was a grand disappointment to the people and they could not forgive Him. He represented everything they hated and despised in this world. He was the opposite of them. They refused to forgive Him for being as such. Anyway, it was out of the question unless He showed them that He was able to do what they required. They demanded a sign from Him even as He hung on the Cross. They would forgive and believe Him if He showed them a sign. Their willingness to forgive came with a condition. In reality, it was not forgiveness at all.

In another time and another place Jesus said, “For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:20) One of the key elements that separates Jesus from the Pharisees is forgiveness. There was no room for forgiveness in the spirituality of the Pharisees. They were the most devout people in Jesus’ time. They never broke the Law. They never missed a sabbath. They were meticulous about their rituals and traditions. They even memorized the scriptures. We can be all these things and yet incite the crowds to shout, “Crucify Him!”

The reality is that if our spirituality does not exceed that of the Pharisees, the Kingdom of Heaven will be hell to us. It would be crowded with people that will make us feel uncomfortable. Jesus, throughout His ministry, has shown us that He invites those who are usually considered unworthy. He forgives without expecting repentance. In most cases, when the person understands what is being given to him or her, there is an inevitable change in their hearts. However, it is a change not for the world to see. The change may be obvious to us or it can be very subtle. The change is something personal within the soul of the person. It is impossible to receive God’s forgiveness without being changed or transformed. However, it is not impossible to receive His forgiveness and refuse to grant it to others. In this case, I am not sure if these people are like the Pharisees or worse. Maybe they are just just like those who shouted, “Crucify Him!”

In response to these words of hatred, Jesus responded, “Forgive them for they do not know what they do.”

Jesus did not say these words hoping that they would change their mind upon hearing them. The verses that follow this cry reveal that the people continued with their heinous activities without giving heed to His words. However, those closest to Him heard it. They knew a grave injustice has been committed. Like normal human beings, whenever we see such things, we can’t help but feel resentment and hatred building up in our hearts towards the perpetrators. However, we cannot allow these to take root in our hearts. If it happens, we will be just like the rest of the crowd. Forgiveness is the way. Jesus pronounced these words to reveal to us that God the Father is a God who forgives unconditionally. He has always been this forgiving God. Perhaps, it has not been clear throughout the stories written in the Bible. Nevertheless, Jesus makes it crystal clear that our God is a God who forgives unconditionally. If we want to follow in the footsteps of His Son whom He loved, then our path is a way of forgiveness. It is the mark that will separate us from those cried, “Crucify Him!” We have to forgive those who have allowed hatred to be their guide and motivator in this life. We have to learn to forgive without condition. This is impossible for us as humans. This is why we cry at the foot of the Cross. We don’t have the strength and courage to be like the One who hangs on this cursed wood. However, it doesn’t stop us from bringing our doctrines, ideology and convictions that promote hatred and unforgiveness to the foot of the Cross. Even then, we know deep down in our hearts that we are too weak to be like Him. All we can do is to look to Him and hear Him say that He forgives us too.

Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.-Matthew 26:5

The church bells rang on this Sunday morning. There won’t be any blessings of the Palms; no procession, no dramatic mood change in the liturgy. The doors of the churches were shut with a sign, “Closed until the Pandemic subsides.” Definitely the very first Palm Sunday of this kind. I hope that it is the last. This is going to be a strange Holy Week. All my life, this week has been a week of communal meditation and reflection on the Passion of Christ. This time we are confronted with something completely new. We are restricted and separated from each other. Suddenly, we realize how much we need each other’s presence and touch. Perhaps, it might help to bring a deeper understanding of the Passion. This is our Hope at least. We desire something good to come of all this.

The deafening silence of quarantine has hovered over our city for two weeks now. At first, I wanted to believe that all this was just an exaggeration. It turned out to be wishful thinking. The numbers of death in this city have been steadily growing. We are heading towards the 300 mark and less than a month ago it was just one person. Everyone is becoming aware that this ominous silence is going to be around for a while. The numbers of the infected are rising. Thankfully, the people haven’t panicked yet. The grocery stores are still stocked with food. We have everything we need for our bodies but our souls are yearning for our loved ones. They yearn for those who make our lives rich and fulfilled. The separation is painful even though it is necessary. Not many can stand it. Last weekend, some people ventured out of their homes. They wanted to pretend that everything was going to return to normality. They wanted to escape the tediousness of waiting but unfortunately, by doing so, they risked their lives and lives of their loved ones. However, I understand how they felt. They wanted to get a breath of fresh air. Then the numbers kept going up. The false prophets who said that this was nothing but a mere cold are exposed. Although, just this once, I wished they were right. We might as well accept it. It is time for us to walk in the valley of the shadow of death. Once, it would have been easy to say that we will fear no evil. Alas, times have changed. We can see death clearly. The disciples told Jesus at the Last Supper that they would be with him until the end. Then, when they saw death approaching, they fled.

The disciples could have left out this part in the gospels. After all, they were the ones who related the events to the respective authors. Nevertheless, they wanted everyone to know that they fled. They were not cowards neither were they unfaithful. To judge them as such would be unfair. They were merely humans like us. We want to flee when we are faced something dangerous or hopeless. The disciples fled but Mother Mary had no where to turn except to remain at the foot of the Cross. She had no where to go except to be with her son. The disciples fled but they carried with them a strong sense of defeat and guilt. We can never truly flee a situation. We always carry something heavy and burdensome in our hearts with us. In our case, we confined in our apartments. Our children and teens are in the streets. It seems like we are fleeing from a danger but at the same time abandoning the ones we love.

The disciples of Jesus desired to defend Jesus to the death. It was their fervent plan. One even made the effort by striking one of the arresting party that came to apprehend Jesus. However, the Lord put an end to it. He does not work through violence. The disciples were disarmed spiritually. They were stripped of all their resources. They had nothing else to offer to Jesus. Rather than standing by and feeling impotent, they decided to flee. They did not realize that Jesus did not really expect them to do anything. He knew that they would flee, after all, why wouldn’t they? He wanted to flee from the situation Himself if it was possible.

“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” Matthew 26:42

Besides, what could the disciples possibly have done? Their presence did not have any pragmatic value. Jesus deliberately chose his disciples who had very little influence in society. They did not have the necessary connections to put in a good word for Jesus. They were absolutely irrelevant to the authorities of their time. Their plea would have not changed anything. In other words, they would have been useless to the Lord at His most vulnerable moment. They knew this and this is why they fled. They did not know if there was something else they could have done.

This is the question we need to ask ourselves in this time. Is there something we can do that will make some concrete difference especially in this time we find ourselves? The whole world is in a melancholic state. The aftermath is going to laborious. It takes a couple of seconds to destroy something. Rebuilding or contracting something new takes a long time. We need to have the right foundation. Do we have the word to contribute to this foundation? We need to ask ourselves this tough question if not we might be tempted to flee like the disciples. They fled because they felt that they were useless to Jesus. They went back to Galilee, maybe back to fishing or whatever they were doing before they followed Jesus. We have more creative ways to flee today. We might become more religious and indulge end times theories that detach us from being a concrete presence in the world. Maybe even we might even venture into fatalism and hide in our respective corners. Some might be tempted to pretend nothing has changed and everything is back to normal. Well, something has definitely changed. We are made aware that we can’t control everything in a concrete way. We are made to realize that all these powerful kingdoms constructed over the years are being torn down by one microscopic virus. Therefore, we need to seek the answer to the tough question so we can have the courage to stay and face the Cross.

There was only one thing Jesus asked of His disciples during this time. He asked them to sit and pray with Him. They were unsuccessful at this task. Regardless of this, they did hear Jesus praying. They related it to us. Jesus prayed knowing that His circumstances would not change. He prayed so that his fears would not get the better of Him. He never got any answers from God. Maybe He did not need any. He knew what He needed to do. When He found his friends dozing off, He chastised them. Not because their prayers would made a difference for Him. He wanted them to be prepared. Perhaps, they would have stayed if they had prayed with Jesus. We will never know. However, one thing we do know is that any answer relevant we can provide will come through prayer and listening.

The disciples revealed their failure so that we won’t follow in their footsteps. We don’t have to flee but we need something to help us to stay at the foot of the Cross. Maybe we will discover it if we don’t fall asleep like the disciples. Jesus is calling us to watch and pray with Him. Let’s be attentive to His words.

Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet bound with strips of cloth, and his face wrapped in a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” John 11:43b-44

“I am not afraid of death.”* This is the title of a song by a famous Brazilian singer, Gilberto Gil. Death, the lyrics tell us, is after the fact but dying is a different story. This; he fears the most. Dying happens when you still know, feel, sense and dread what you are losing. The song was well-received a few years ago. It expresses how we all feel. Perhaps, most of us in regular times avoid giving much though to it. Unfortunately, we find ourselves living in strange times and death is very much the topic of the day.

An awkward silence reigns in this city of 12 million. The streets are almost empty and those who graze its sidewalks do it out of necessity. Some of them work to help others survive but most of them are in the streets because they have to work to survive. Then there are the homeless. The others avoid all contact with anyone but the homeless still say, “Hi”. They miss the way things were too. Besides these few souls, the streets are deserted. I live in the center where it is always vibrant and full of life. Today, it looks like how it does on Christmas Eve, except there is no celebration of life. We just have the silence. I miss the noise. I miss the random drunk man singing out of tune in the early mornings. I miss the cars passing blaring the worst possible selections of music. I miss signs of life. The quiet brings with it a sense of despair and melancholy. Although, we are aware that this quarantine is just a temporary thing, it touches something deep within our humanity. It has made us conscious of something. Everything we thought to be stable and sound appears to crumble down. We don’t know what to expect. We can’t exactly say what we want to expect.

I did not send these prophets, yet they have run with their message; I did not speak to them, yet they have prophesied. -Jeremiah 23:21

Sad to say in times like these, there is an abundance of false prophets. They prophesy without listening to God. They speak for Him without being appointed to be His spokesperson. They have the same message of the false prophets in the biblical times. They announce the same lies. They say everything is going to be alright because this is what we want to hear. There is nothing essentially wrong with this message. Eventually, everything will pass. However, some people will die. Some will lose their loved ones. Some will never forget the callous words spoken during these times. Some will always remember how others have disregarded the safety of their vulnerable friends and families. It is not going to be alright for them. Besides, it is not the content of their message that makes them false prophets. They claim to speak for God where as God is a God who is near. He will speak to our hearts directly. The problem is not that God is silent. We have been letting others do the listening for us. These are the false prophets. They claim to listen to God for us. We need to listen His voice ourselves. He is a God who is near. His words are powerful and living. False prophets give easy answers but it is not a time for easy answers. It is a time for waiting and listening intently to the still small voice of our Creator.

It is also an amazingly appropriate time to read this story of Lazarus from the gospel above. I was not able to reflect this text in the streets during my interaction with the children. There was no direct contact with them this week. We are confined in our apartment like most people around the globe. We had plans to go to the streets. We wanted to make sure that our children and teens were doing alright. Well, at least, we wanted them to know that we are thinking and praying for them. As far as we know, nothing has been done to help homeless adults and children. Since this is a contagious disease, sending them to a shelter is not an answer. There hasn’t been any adequate answer for the welfare of the homeless because no one has even considered the question. There are just too many things happening. The homeless are usually ignored in regular times and nothing has changed for them in a time of crisis. This is just the sad reality. We wanted to go to the streets to make sure that they understood what was happening. Unfortunately, Mary was not feeling well. We decided to play it safe and quarantined ourselves. Then, the city officially shut down a few days after. We are separated from our children and the children are separated from us. One of the teens got a hold of cell phone and called us to see if we were okay, especially Mary. He told us that some managed to find places to stay temporarily. Some are on the move constantly and others are just sleeping in the streets. In a way, the children are freer than us. They can go where they want. Although it comes with a price, they are also exposed to great danger. On the other hand, we have lost our freedom but we are safe relatively speaking from diseases and dangers just like Lazarus when he was in the tomb. The dead have nothing to fear so to speak. We are safely entombed in our apartments but we desire to be free and living.

I never thought to imagine reading this story from the perspective of Lazarus. Needless to say, Lazarus was literally dead but we are just experiencing detachment from the life that we lived. We are separated from the ones we love. We can’t go to places that we enjoy. We can’t even get a book from the library. Everything we did that made life rich and pleasant for us is out-of-bounds. We still have technology to connect us but it is not the same. It is unlike being connected to something that is at once real and tangible. I hear the voice of Wanderson and Felipe whenever they leave messages on our phone. They can only say simple things because they are not accustomed to communicate through a phone. They need someone to be in front of them to warm up and talk openly. For now, our conversation is limited to the basic, “how are you and I hope you are fine” followed by an awkward silence. It seems like this silence is haunting us constantly.

Death separated Lazarus from his family. He was no longer part of their daily routine. He was no longer a presence. We have not experienced this yet. We just are separated. We are given a foretaste of what it is like to be dying. We cannot be with the ones that made our lives here joyful and rich. We are waiting for a word that would end all of this. However, it is not a word from the authorities that is going to end this sense of despair that is creating a barrier between us in this city. We need to hear a word that will bring life to our soul. We need to hear the word that Lazarus heard as he slept in the tomb. We want to hear the voice of our Lord calling us to come forth. It will the voice that will give us the courage to face what is in store in the aftermath.

Lazarus’ soul was quickened not because some else told him what the Lord said to him. He heard the voice of Jesus for himself. I think that we have been listening to countless of voices screaming at us in this world. They have been pulling us in all directions. Now, silence has shaken the foundations of these babble. We might be tempted to avoid this uncanny quietness. It might us face things about ourselves or our fragilities that we pretended did not exist. Maybe it is making us deal with our life or the the lack of it. Regardless of this risk, we need this calmness. We need to learn how to listen again to the voice that is going to give us the power to live our life and live it abundantly.

Lazarus stepped out of the tomb a renewed person. He knew that death cannot take away what eternity has given to him. It had given him the strength and courage to be a testimony to those around him to live their lives to the fullest. This is our hope as we sit and wait for a word from the Lord.

Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come back.” The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. What you have said is true!” The woman said to him, “Sir, I see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you say that the place where people must worship is in Jerusalem.”- John 4:16-20

I am not sure which is worse; being in an unhappy relationship or being alone. Our children and teens understand this dilemma more than us. They are confronted with it all the time. They ran away from their unhappy families and found themselves all alone in the streets. They were free from oppression but loneliness was too heavy a burden to bear. They have to find a way to be part of a group even if it meant doing something immoral to become part of it. Anything is better than being left all alone in this world. In the meantime, they are aware that the companionship that is also fragile and temporal. It is based on a common desire to be connected with another fellow being. It is not a strong enough thread to hold them together. The possibility of a rupture is always present. Loneliness always plagues them. They use drugs to forget its reality, but they do not help. They sense their isolation even more when they are high. Loneliness never abandons them. It is not just a reality for our children. It is something we all share as human beings; the fear of being alone.

The Samaritan woman from the gospel text tried desperately to overcome her loneliness. Jesus revealed that He knows that she had been married five times and now she was a concubine. He wasn’t trying to shame her; neither was the woman offended by his statement. To the contrary, she was even more amazed that Jesus spoke to her. She was ostracized by her community for many reasons. For a Jewish person only one was sufficient. She was a Samaritan. Jewish people did not have anything to do with Samaritans. Despite this, Jesus wanted her to give Him a cup of water. Sharing a cup was quite intimate back then. They wash the cup like we do today. It was a common cup and one she most likely drank from. Jesus wanted to share this cup. Perhaps, He wanted her to be part of His reward.

“whoever gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones in the name of a disciple—truly I tell you, none of these will lose their reward.”- Matthew 10:42

Besides being a Samaritan, this woman was also marginalized from her community. She could not draw water from the well at the regular time. She had to go when there was no one around. She did not expect a Jewish person to be sitting by the well, let alone talk to her. Jesus mentioned her past to let her know that neither her ethnicity nor her reputation were going to hinder Him from talking to her.

It appears as if she drastically changed the subject from her past to a religious topic. This is not the case. She did not change the subject. It was Jesus who did it. He recognized something noble in her. Something, perhaps others have overlooked. She was a person who did not fear facing the Truth even when it wasn’t favorable to her. It did not necessarily mean that she was going to change her lifestyle. This is a misconception. People think that just mere knowledge of the Truth will transform the person. We have people who know right from wrong and yet deliberately commit the most detrimental actions. Unfortunately knowing the Truth does not automatically erase loneliness. It doesn’t free us from the fear of living a life in isolation and anonymity. These were the fears behind this woman’s decision. It is not just her. It is something that all of us are very capable of doing. She did not marry five men and then settle to being something less for the sake of pleasure. It was because she did not want to be alone and forgotten in this world. Ironically her desperate actions consequently isolated her from the rest of the world. Something our children and teens can understand. If Jesus was in the streets where we minister, He would most likely ask for a glass of water from them even though He knows that it might not come from the most hygienic source.

Jesus showed the woman that He was willing to receive what she had to give Him, even if the rest of the world thought that it was scandalous and even ceremonially unclean. He wanted to show that He understood her. He knew everything about her and He understood her and accepted what she had to offer. This opened the door for her to share her deepest concern. She wanted to know about the Truth that would liberate her. She did not change the subject of the conversation. She brought it to a deeper level. She wanted to know if her worship could fulfill the void she sensed in her soul. She wanted to know the right answer to overcome the loneliness that had plagued her all her life. Maybe she thought the answer was found in the Truth spoken in the Law. To be honest, the answer that Jesus gave did not make anything clearer.

“The hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such as these to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” -John 4:23-24

I searched for the answer perhaps through our interactions with the children this last week. We had many pleasant and enriching encounters. However, they did not make this particular subject clearer to me. Then, on Saturday, I received a call from Felipe. He ran out of money for food. There was an emergency. One of his wife’s children injured his foot and they had to rush to the hospital. Thankfully, it wasn’t too serious; a couple of stitches resolved the problem. Nevertheless, taxi costs money and all their limited resource was depleted. Thankfully, we have more than we need so we were able to share. We decided to meet near my home. It was a nice day. Mary was under the weather due to a weak cold. We thought that with the present state of events it would be best if she rested at home. I asked Felipe if he wanted to go on a walk. He was more than willing. On the weekends, a highway bridge running along the center is closed to cars and it becomes a pedestrian walk way. It is about two miles long. We walked on it. It was great to have this time just to talk about anything that came into our minds. Recently, Felipe has developed this intense desire to learn and improve himself. He was asking me question after question. One was of an ethical nature. He asked me if we saw someone leading a self-destructive lifestyle should we confront them with the Truth? I honestly told him that I am not sure if we have the ability to convince anyone to do anything. Each person decides for themselves what they believe to be the best. Since we are not them, we cannot comprehend their reasoning and help them see things as we see it. Felipe pondered briefly on what I said and he responded, “It is better for them to come to the realization themselves.” I agreed. Then he asked what is our responsibility towards them. It was a difficult question to give an adequate answer. Maybe the answer is the answer Jesus gave to the Samaritan woman. We need allow the God who is Spirit to draw us unto Himself so that our lives will permeate with the Grace of the Spirit and the Truth. I actually said these exact words to Felipe. He understood. I think that I understood too. God used this conversation to make things a little clearer for me.

Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman not to remind her of her own faults. He made it very clear to His disciples that He did not come to condemn but to bring healing. This does not come by pointing out the symptoms of illness. It comes from addressing the deep rooted desire of all people. The woman sensed in Jesus the answer she was seeking. It wasn’t expressed in His words. It was Him. His acceptance of her and His desire to share her cup despite her being a Samaritan, revealed to her that perhaps the answer she is looking for is open and available to her too. Jesus worshipped the Father in Spirit and Truth and this opened the eyes of this lost and lonely soul to communion with the One who will never abandon or reject her.

After my walk with Felipe, I felt that I participated in true worship even though I know that the next day I won’t be able to go to church because of the present pandemic. Regardless of this, God still met me where I was.

Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. He came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.” Jesus answered him, “Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.” John 3:1-3

I used to evangelize to random people in the streets. It sounds strange for me to say it now. It is strange even to imagine that this was ever true. Alas, it was so. I never felt comfortable doing it. I never listened to my reticence. Instead I thought that perhaps I was being too embarrassed about the gospel. I summoned up all my courage and approached a complete stranger. It would begin with a casual conversation and then I would conduce my interlocutor to the topic of being “born again”. Most people were kind and obliging. They would listen and sometimes they would contribute to the conversation. Most of the time, I was the one talking. Then I went back to church and reported that I accomplished something significant. However, now I am questioning myself. Maybe I was just abusing the good nature of many people. They sensed my sincerity and they kindly accommodated me. Today, I see people going around the streets doing the same thing as I did before. There is a difference now. Now, I am aware that the questions dealing with our spirituality are very personal and intimate. They touch the very core of our existence. It is not something an healthy person should discuss with a random stranger. It must be handled with great care and sensitivity. When someone opens up their souls to us regarding their deepest inner struggles or doubts, it demands a commitment on our part. We need to understand that they are inviting us into a sacred place. Unless, we are willing to commit, we should perhaps think twice before we talk about God. Evangelism is not about spouting out religious jargon. It is a relationship.

The gospel text above is perhaps the first recorded incident of an evangelistic conversation. The setting is one which is private and intimate. Nicodemus was a religious man in the positive sense. He genuinely desired to know God. This is why he sought Jesus. He discovered something remarkable in Him that made him feel comfortable to share the concerns of his innermost being. He perceived that Jesus presented something new and vibrant. He desired what Jesus possessed. However, he wanted a religious answer from our Lord. He thought that it was a matter of following certain doctrines and rituals. This is the very essence of our human spirituality. We desire a deeper spiritual life but we want it to be something that we can control. However, whatever Jesus is offering is beyond our dominion. We cannot demand it. We cannot attain it through our religiosity. It comes to us as the Holy Spirit desires. It is given to us through grace.

“The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” (John 3:8)

It is not something that happens with our words or rituals. An excellent preacher is not going to make the Holy Spirit act. This is something as a young Christian I knew intuitively and yet rejected in practice. I believed that my persuasive words could bring about an inner change in someone. I reduced everything to a simple prayer which I desired my interlocutor to pray. However, a prayer is not going to force the Holy Spirit to transform souls. God’s spirit will decide the right time and place to bring new birth to a person’s soul. Nicodemus was amenable to become part of this creation. He spoke to the very Person who ushered this New Era and even then, Nicodemus had to wait. Something needed to occur in his soul. We will never know what exactly. It is different with each person. We know that Nicodemus did not become a follower of Jesus there and then. It was just not his time. However, the Holy Spirit was working in him, if not, he wouldn’t have come to see Jesus. On our Lord’s part, He allowed the Holy Spirit to do His work in Nicodemus’ life. He did not force him to say a prayer or subject him to some religious rite to hasten the process.

There was something special in Jesus that drew Nicodemus to Him. In the Gospels, the authors call this authority. Unlike the authorities of the world which generate fear or demand submission, Jesus attracted people unto Himself. People who would normally be rejected by the religious and civil powers flocked to our Lord. Something was different in Him, or rather, He saw something special in them. They sensed this in their souls. Jesus was able to penetrate into their deepest being and perceived the Temple of God present in each of their souls.

I recently learned the meaning of a word that I thought I knew all my adult life. I used it frequently in my writings without really understanding its essence. The word is “contemplation”. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that it means “entering into the temple”. Whenever we contemplate on something or someone, we are going beyond the superficial and discovering the divine manifested in the person or object. This simple discovery I made has given me new vocabulary for my understanding of evangelism. I used to feel embarrassed to share the gospel to people because I was trying to construct a temple in their souls with my words. It is not my place to do this in anyone’s soul. However, I have had encounters where I was able to talk meaningfully about God’s love where there was a sense of mutual spiritual edification. In these instances, I first recognized the presence of the divine in the person and consequently, the person opened up the conversation to the subject of God’s love.

When Jesus spoke to people, His words quickened in their souls the awareness of a temple present in them. Jesus saw it first before he could address it. If I want to speak the gospel into the lives of people, then I need to contemplate God’s presence in the lives of our children. In a way, I have been inadvertently doing it. I am able to see the divine present in them which has been a great source of encouragement and renewal for me. However, sometimes we meet someone who is so distraught and damaged by the circumstances of their lives that it is hard to see beyond the superficial. Rosalie is a perfect example of such. Recently we shared about her with our friends. A very serious question was posed, “How do you communicate the gospel to someone like her?” I did not have a certain answer then. However, this week, she gave us a glimpse of one.

She came out of the Cathedral looking a little relieved and animated. This is quite rare for this young adult. She suffers from array of issues and mental illness is definitely one of them. Consequently, she is constantly vacillates between violent outbursts of anger and profound sadness. Almost everyone knows that she has to deal with some profound challenges and most of the teens are tender towards her, albeit there are a few who torment her too. She seldom converses with us. In fact, most of the time she just flat-out ignores us. However, recently she complained to Mary that we never give her any attention. She is definitely not an easy person. Despite this, we do feel strongly for this young woman. She is a lost and lonely soul in this harsh world. She has become someone that most likely she never desired to be. Her circumstances and situations have shaped her personality. Today, however, she looked relieved as she stepped out fo the church. She came out and told us that she prayed the rosary. She explained how it was said to Mary and then asked her if she ever prayed the Rosary. Mary admitted that it was not part of her spirituality but told her that I did it once in a while. Rosalie just wanted to tell us this and then she left. The rest of the week she fluctuated between anger and tears.

There are so many things happening in Rosalie that it is hard to see the temple pf God dwelling in her. We are always left astounded by what is happening on the outside. However, we will never been able to say something meaningful to her until we are able to see the divine present in her life. This cannot be achieved in a single encounter. It will happen when the Holy Spirit moves. Until then, there is one thing for us to do. We will: learn to contemplate on her life. The Temple of God dwells in her and the Holy Spirit will open the doors for us to see the beauty of this young woman. Then she will be ready to receive or even listen to us. All this will happen one day when the Holy Spirit decides. Until then we wait.