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Remembering and Forgetting

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:13-14

The growth process of Life is a process of forgetting and remembering. Consequently, if we hold on to the things which we are to forget and let go of those that are essential for us to remember, then our growth can be become paralyzed. The question is how do we discern the difference.

The above verses were the foundation of our reflection before returning to missions. We have served in this same area before. We came back to this ministry with many good and bad memories from our experiences in the past. They are both capable of holding us back if we don’t discern which ones to forget. Some bad memories can help us become better people and some good memories can hold us back from doing better and greater things with our lives. Now, God was calling to do something new and we needed to decide what to forget and what to remember.

Our first experience working with the street children was a very positive experience. We had a wonderful team and we developed a working philosophy that responded to the needs of the homeless at that particular time. The children and teens were open and receptive to us. They recognized our presence as a spiritual force to help them make the transition out of the streets. This was exactly our goal then. In our minds, we have this wonderful image of our past experience and how much of it based on reality, we can never tell. Nevertheless, Mary and I would describe it as one of the best times of our lives. However, it would be mistake to hold on these memories and attempt to recreate them in our present situation. Many things have changed. We cannot impose the same working philosophy in our ministry as we did twenty years ago. The children and teens are different. Society has changed. We have changed. We remember the good things of the past, but we need to forget them as well. We remember them to remind ourselves where we came from, but we need to forget them so that we don’t try to recreate the past in the present. The present holds something new for us.

No experience in life is complete without bad experiences. We look back in the past and remember mostly good times because we want to forget the bad times. I don’t even feel like writing about them at this moment. However, I do remember them vividly. I wish that by not talking about them maybe they will go away. Unfortunately, they are still lurking somewhere in my past and waiting for the opportunity to come out and instill fear in my heart. I have come to realize that maybe I should not forget these moments and put them in their context. They cannot harm me. I am still here. This means these negative experiences did not hinder me from being where I am today. More important than this, God has helped me overcome these moments. It does not mean that I escaped the pain and suffering which is part and parcel of a negative experience. However, they lack the power to destroy the person that God wants me to become. This is the part I need to remember. I cannot remember this without recalling the negative experiences. I had the privilege of knowing some wonderful people who suffered in the concentration camps during the war. They remember the horrific experience vividly, but in their remembering, they reveal a strength that is able to overcome all the odds. They have the courage to remember because of this strength and it is the same strength that makes them move to conquer greater victories in life.

Our children and teens are not living in the streets because they are rebellious or poor. They are in the streets because of a trauma they experienced. Most of them want to forget this. They want to just remember the good times and they attempt to recreate the good times through artificial means. Yesterday, Igor shared with us about his parents for the first time. He said that he has no recollection of his father. He has never even seen the picture of his father. As for his mother, he said that he remembers her clearly even though he was eight years old when she was murdered. He remembers every detail of her face. He also remembers the details of his life in the streets and the times he spent in detention centers. He remembers the harsh and negative words spoken to him. He remembers the looks people gave him when he walked in a store. He remembers the rejection and the hatred. He remembers meeting us in the streets. He remembers the things we said to him. He remembers too many things. Some of them might become a burden for him to live in the present and move towards to future. He needs to forget some things and only remember those things that are necessary for his growth.

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Cooking with Yuri: Suelen’s Story

But when I looked for good, evil came to me; And when I waited for light, then came darkness.-Job 30:26

Many things have happened since we last cooked with Yuri. However, I cannot give a proper update without telling the story of Yuri’s courageous sister, Suelen. In my previous post about Yuri, I mentioned that Yuri’s father abandoned the family when the children were very young. Then something tragic happened to one of the boys in the family which changed their lives forever. It was something that hit the national news but I don’t think that it is appropriate for me to go into the details here. It was the final straw for their mother and she lost all grasp of reality. She started using crack and eventually ended up living in the streets in Cracolândia. The children were left to themselves with no adult presence. The three boys accepted their so-called fate and became homeless in the streets where they engaged in crime and drug abuse. Sueli was left alone with her youngest sister who was barely nine years old. Suelen herself was only about fifteen. She refused to allow circumstance to determine her life. She refused to consider homelessness as an option. She wanted to take care of her little sister. In this vulnerable state, she got involved with young man who initially appeared to be a godsend but then out to be a nightmare.  He was physically abusive and got involved with drug trafficking. She had a son with him. When she turned 18, she decided to leave him. She packed her bags and left her boyfriend with her child and youngest sister but they had no place to go.

This was about the time the team met Suelen. Yuri was incarcerated and he wanted to get in touch with his sister whom he considered as his only chance for a better life. The team took all the information we had regarding Suelen and searched for her. It took a while but we finally found her taking shelter in single room which was actually rented by another friend. This friend was a physically handicapped man who lived on his disability check which was hardly anything.  However, with the little he had, he opened up his home which was a tiny room for Suelen and her family. This man did this without any hidden intentions. It was out of pure generosity. The team managed to find ways to get Suelen the help she needed and she eventually rented a small apartment in the outskirts of São Paulo. Suelen never asked for a single cent. She worked for everything. Our mission managed to raise some funds to pay for the youngest sister’s school uniform and other educational expenses. Suelen eventually met a younger man whom she married and now they can support the household with two incomes. They earn enough to survive and provide a safe environment for the children but it is still quite financially fragile. Suelen unexpectedly became pregnant and this happened at the same time as Yuri got out of the Juvenile Detention Center. Sueli and her husband opened their tiny apartment up for him.

Everything seem to be going well for Suelen and her family then all of a sudden her long-lost mother showed up at her doorstep looking very pregnant. Suelen was expecting to deliver her child in two months time and her mother was due at the same time. Her mother was still a crack addict and has no intentions of giving up the habit. However, she wants Suelen to take care of her child. She made it clear that she was going to leave her child with Suelen and return to the streets. Sueli and her husband do not know what to do at this moment. However, Suelen knows that she cannot feed another mouth in her household. Yuri needs to return to school and complete his probation before he can get a job. Sueli’s mother is not mentally stable and does not think rationally.

I cited the verse from Job because I have been meeting a lot of Jobs recently. Suelen is a Job. She did not ask or deserve these troubles and sufferings. They just happened. There is no magic wand to wave and change this situation. Suelen and her husband want to get ahead in life but they have to consider what that means. Many of us limit the idea of getting ahead to finances. However, this is not going to happen for them. They are earning too low to even imagine a moment in their lives where they will be financially secure. If Suelen and her husband want to become financially stable they would have to kick Yuri out of the house and refuse to take care of the mother’s new child (her sibling). Only then, they might be able to get somewhere financially but they would lose their souls.

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?-Matthew 16:26

Tough decisions await Suelen and her family and she called and talked to us about this. She does not expect us to have the answer. We are grateful for this because we have no answer. However, she wants to know where God is in the midst of it. She is not angry with God. Suelen has gone through enough in this life to know that God is present in the midst of all this. Sueli is a living testimony of God’s gracious presence in her life. She survived the odds to get where she is right now. She has actually ahead of us spiritually. She has experienced God’s goodness in ways which we cannot imagine. Through her troubles, she did not say “no” to Life even when everything around was teeming with negativity. Suelen is a Job and we called to be her friends in this difficult time. However, we don’t want to repeat the mistake of Job’s friends. She asks us to walk with her to discover the courage to say “Yes” to Life. We are going to wait with her to discover God as the foundation of our strength.

We are going to cook with Yuri this week again.

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Cooking with Yuri

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. -Romans 8:5-6

Last Tuesday, all the men from the team went to visit a fifteen year old boy, Yuri, to teach him how to cook. You never know where this work in the streets might lead you. It led us to the kitchen in a poor neighborhood in the outskirts of São Paulo.

It was the first time I met Yuri even though I have heard about him for months. The team has known him since he was ten years old. His father abandoned the family at a young age. His mother remarried and her husband died suddenly which led to his mother having a nervous breakdown and disappeared. Almost all the kids in the Yuri’s family left for the streets except for their oldest sister, Suely. Yuri wasn’t always a pleasant boy in the streets and was deeply involved in theft and drug trafficking.  Eventually he ended up in the juvenile detention center where our team spent months visiting him. It was in the center where Yuri had the chance to seriously think about his life. He wanted to change. He himself admitted that he needed to change the way he thinks.

Yuri was released from the center about a month ago. His sister was able to receive him into her simple home which she shares with her husband. However,  he only stayed there for a week. Boredom got the best of him and he decided to visit his old friends. One thing led to another and Yuri almost got arrested. He did not succumbed to drug trafficking but he was with people who did. The police decided to let him go but it shook Yuri up. He got in touch with us and asked us to help him to change his ways. He returned to his sister’s house and we visited with him. We encouraged Yuri to learn how to be a contributing member of the household. We decided together that the best way he could help the family was to cook for his sister while she was at work.

My first impression of Yuri was that I could not imagine this sweet boy being involved in any crime. He cleaned the kitchen for us so that we would have a clean place to work. He was willing to learn even though it was a little awkward for him to be working in the kitchen. In his cultural environment, the women always did the cooking. We used our food preparation time to disciple Yuri.  We spoke about practical implications of changing one’s way of thinking. Yuri wanted to change but he just did not have any idea how change would come about. We told him that changes can be gradual or radical and in his situation, he might have to make a radical change from his past which includes leaving behind friends who can be bad influences. Yuri listened intently. He did not say anything but he listened. This is the first step.

It is also our first step moving into an area that requires much reflection and thought on our part. No matter how we look at it there can be no genuine change without repentance. We need to preach the message of repentance to Yuri. However, we need to know how to preach it in a way that he can act upon it. No room for generalities. We have to speak to his heart. For this, we need to spend more time cooking with Yuri.

 

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