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Questions about Righteous Living

Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, decided to put her away privately. (Matthew 1:19)

Igor has been looking a little discouraged lately. He has been looking for a job for three months now and so far nothing has come up. He tries to put on a strong exterior but we can see that he is a little disappointed. The local economy is not doing well and most places are not hiring. Looking for a job is hard itself, but for Igor there is an additional burden and obstacle. He confessed that he always feels self-conscious of his past and thinks that everyone around him is scrutinizing him. Whenever someone does not respond positively to him, he feels as if that they are judging him based on his past. This comes from years of being taught to believe that he would amount to nothing but a thief. Now, he finds it hard to navigate out of this mindset.

Bit by bit Igor is sharing his life experiences with us. Recently he talked about his long stay in the juvenile detention center. He said that physical abuse was routine even for some minor infractions. All the boys were accustomed to it and he does not even feel any rancor towards the guards. He believed that they did what they did to maintain order in the center. However, the guards that he found hard to forgive were the ones who abused him verbally. They constantly told him that he was nothing but a criminal and there was no hope for him. He said that no matter how much he tried he just cannot seem to erase the memories of these words. Hurtful words remain embedded in his soul whereas physical injuries heal and eventually disappear.

Igor also shared that he had a younger brother. Soon after Igor left for the streets when he was seven, his younger brother followed suit. However, he did not last long. He was terrified of the streets. He did not like the sub-culture of the streets. He detested sniffing glue and was fearful of any criminal activities. He left the streets within the week and went to his aunt’s house and never set foot again in the streets. He went to school and got a job when he was sixteen. He worked in a small business that was relatively successful. His boss took a special liking to him and trusted him with large amount of money. Unfortunately, he and a group of friends decided to rob his boss. They tied him up and took off with a large sum of money in a car. The police eventually picked up on their trail and a long drawn out car chase ensued. Tragically, it ended with all of them being shot and killed by the police. None of them were armed and his boss was not hurt. According to Igor, the whole event was caught on national news. I asked Igor whether his brother was influenced by his friends to rob his boss and to my surprise, Igor believed that it was the other way round. I asked him why would his brother who was once afraid of any criminal activities decide to engage in robbery. His answer was simple and heartbreaking. Igor told me that when you grow in a certain neighborhood, you are told all your life that the only way out is through crime. When his brother saw how much money his boss had, he decided to take the easy way out of poverty. Unfortunately, he paid a high price for a small sum of cash.

As part of our weekly time with Igor, we are reading the gospel of Matthew together. When we came to the part where Joseph discovered Mary’s pregnancy. We spoke about Joseph being just and because of his sense of justice, he wanted to save his fiancé any possible harm or danger by trying to breaking up the engagement secretly. Another man would reacted differently. However, it was this sense of justice that helped him hear and receive the Word from the Angel about Mary’s true status. The conclusion we arrived at was that being a just person prepares one to see and understand what God is doing in one’s life. Then Igor asked a difficult question. He wanted to know what does it mean to be just person.

I was silenced by his question. Igor was serious about becoming a righteous person and he wanted to know if this is something that he could learn and what he must do to acquire this understanding. When he saw that I was struggling to answer his question, he decided to help me out and rephrase the question. He wanted to know what was righteous living. This did not alleviate the situation. However, I am grateful that he asked these difficult questions because they helped me to examine my own life as well. It seems like it is easier to say what is unrighteous living. Pointing out what is wrong is easier than showing how to do something the right way. After a few moments of silence and pondering, I told him that for me living a just life means living in harmony with who God has made me to be. I will be the first to admit that this does not really make it clearer. I decided to try again. Not because I wanted to show that I knew the answer; I wanted to answer the question for my own sake. I decided to be honest and said that for me living a just life has to do with my own pursuit of happiness. I believe that being a just person is intrinsically linked with one’s own personal happiness. It is also synonymous with discovering who God has created me to be.

I realized that to tell Igor that he needs to change his life is meaningless if we cannot say what this change is supposed to be. I cannot teach Igor something that I don’t understand myself. However, I did say that it has to do with discovering who God has made us to be. It is a personal journey where he needs to discover God’s voice speaking to him. Igor has heard many voices in his life. These voices brought him to the streets and to the brink of desperation. Even though we cannot teach Igor to be a just person, perhaps he can see through our lives that there exists another voice that speaks to our innermost being and points the way to true happiness. We hope that our lives will inspire Igor to seek this voice out for himself.

 

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The Hope of the Cross

“And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself.”- John 12:32

Last year, eight children and teens died in the streets. Most of them were buried in unmarked graves without any funeral or memorial services. In most cases, the families were notified weeks after their passing and in extreme cases, there was no one to notify. Whenever a homeless person dies in the streets whether they are adults or children, the Brazilian Law requires that the burial takes place one day after the death. If no one claims their bodies within 24 hours, they are buried in unmarked graves without anyone present. All the social service groups working in the streets decided that we needed to do something to remember the lives of these little ones. They were special to us and we wanted to show that we miss their presence in this world. We decided to organize an event in remembrance of these forgotten ones.

Of all the agencies, we have the smallest team. Consequently, we could not afford the time and manpower to participate in the organization of this event. The other agencies graciously included us in the event despite our minimal involvement. We are also the only religious group in the mix and our lack of participation meant that the religious element would also be missing in the event. This is not to say that there are no religious people working in these groups, but these agencies are expected to avoid any religious reference in their work approach. We were the only ones with this liberty.

The event was held on a Friday. The agencies put together a banner with the names of the children with personalized notes written by people and children who knew them. These notes were joined together to form the words: Peace in the Streets. There were eight crosses with the names of the children and teens who passed away and there were about twenty other crosses for those who died in yesteryears that were never remembered in any way. The plan was for us to walk together to all the places where the children died and place a memorial plaque with the name of the respective children.

It was a simple event. It began with a passionate speech from one of the leaders of the social agencies and he talked about injustice and the need to fight for the rights of the children. After him, someone else spoke along the same lines. The message was a political one but it did not seem appropriate for the moment. For starters, most of the children died of drug abuse and three were murdered. I am not sure that in a just society such deaths would not occur. Social injustice has a role to play in the situation of the homeless, but murder and drug abuse occurs in every society. I don’t think political reform could have stopped these deaths. The problem is beyond politics. It is deals with something deeper and more profound. It is sin. We live in a sinful world. However, sin is also a religious word and the secular agencies do not have the vocabulary to address this in their discourses. They think that sin means blaming the victims. This would be a narrow view of the concept. The broader view gives a more realistic view of life. Not everything can be solved by social and political reforms.

In the speeches that were made, the names and lives of the children and teens were hardly mentioned. It is strange that they would be even forgotten in an event to remember them. I don’t think this was deliberate, but I think that social agencies have very little to say when someone dies. However, those who knew and loved these children and teens were not there for a political event but they wanted to know about their loved ones now. They wanted a message of hope for them. Politics has nothing to say to those who have died.

The event ended with planting of all the Crosses in the area where the last boy died in December. For many, perhaps the Cross was just used to mark the graves. However, for us, it reminded us why we are here. It is the power of this symbol that has brought us to this place. The Cross reminded us that there is a gracious God who resurrected His Son to shine His light in this world even though the world did not deserve Him. The Cross is not about who we are or what we have done but it is about Him who is able and willing to overcome death and changed its meaning forever.

As we begin this Holy Week, I am reminded of the importance of the Cross in our work. It changes our message and approach in our ministry. We are not here to push for political reforms. Our world view makes us realize that politics is helpless in the face of deep human problems, just as Pontius Pilate was helpless to change the fate of Jesus. No one could change the helplessness or powerlessness of humanity at the feet of the Cross except for the One who hung on it. He is the One who is able to bring hope even in a seemingly hopeless situation. Seeing the field covered with Crosses reminded me that death does not have victory over Grace.

Crosses to remember those who have passed away.

Crosses to remember those who have passed away.

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Unkind Reminder for the New Year

“A voice was heard in Ramah,
Lamentation and bitter weeping,
Rachel weeping for her children,
Refusing to be comforted for her children,
Because they are no more.” – Jeremiah 31:15

It is the New Year. We returned to the streets after a short break with all the joy and excitement one conjures up at the beginning of every New Year. We were hoping for something good this year, something different; none of us can really be sure what this would entail realistically. I think deep down, we are hoping that we would have a deeper connection with the children and teens this year, perhaps they might open their hearts to see us as their spiritual family. We didn’t know what we were expecting but we wanted to see some growth in ourselves and our ministry with the children. We met each other at the foot of the Cathedral where we usually meet. Before we could finish with the customary New Year greetings, it started to rain heavily. We took shelter in the church and waited until the rain lightened up a little. Finally, we got tired of waiting and went out into the weak and still annoying drizzling rain. The streets were wet and the children were no where to be found. Most likely they were taking shelter elsewhere. Our first day we walked around the whole center searching for the children and teens and did not find anyone. We were damp but our spirits were not; there is always the second day.

Today was the second day. It was a beautiful day. It made us feel hopeful again about the New Year. We met at our usual place and immediately after our prayers, one of the teens spotted us and ran up to give us a hug. It was nice to have such a warm welcome. However, then came the bad news. She told us that Mateus was murdered on Christmas Eve. We could not believe it. He was such a sweet boy and only thirteen years old.

Life was never easy for Mateus. He comes from a family living in abject poverty in a neighborhood ironically named Father Christmas’ Garden. His family life was a far cry from any Christmas specials. He was sexually abused at a very young age by a male relative and finally ran away to the streets seeking for a better life. Unfortunately, in the streets, Mateus used sex to survive and the other children used to call him by a derogative name for male prostitutes. Mateus did have some positive influences in his life. He lived in a Christian shelter on and off for several years and he bonded with our friend and fellow missionary, Luke. They formed a deep father-son relationship. However, Mateus was a restless soul and he could not remain in the shelter for long. My understanding was that he did not know how to relate with people who did not want to abuse him sexually. He was about twelve then.

Mateus was soft-spoken and a very gentle soul. He did not engage in any criminal activity except to prostitute himself. Every time he saw us, he would run up to us and give us each a hug. Then he would just stand there without saying anything. He did not know how to proceed from the initial greeting. He suffered from a severe learning disability and he reasoned like a seven year old. Just before Christmas, Mary took it upon herself to teach Mateus how to write. Even though Mateus had been to school while he lived in the shelter, he never learned how to read. However, we had a hard time trying to locate him. He roamed the streets alone and often kept to himself. Sometimes children with similar background would hang out with him, especially the girls. They felt safe with him.

On Christmas Eve, someone lured him to a dark spot under a highway bridge and repeatedly bashed his skull until he died. He suffered a brutal and painful death. His murderer is not from the streets and has no connection with him. His death won’t be investigated because he is a poor homeless teenager. However, for our friend, Luke who knew him more than any of us, Mateus was a special gift of God to him.

Mateus is learning how to write his name just before Christmas.

Mateus is learning how to write his name just before Christmas.

Mary managed to have one lesson with Mateus. We took his picture and developed it to give to him for Christmas. He always wanted a picture of himself. The day we presented his picture, he acted as if he did not care about it. He was being a typical teenager. We knew that he appreciated it. Mary wrote a Christmas card saying that he was special. It was the last thing we gave to him.

This is our first day back and it made us realize why God wants us to be here.

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Death and a Conversation about the Resurrection and Life

Sadly, another young girl died in the streets this week. Her name is Raianne. She was nineteen. This is the third person to die in this streets this year. Mary and I never met this young girl but the team had been ministering to her since she was a young child. On Sunday, she and another girl had a fight over a trivial incident. One girl pushed the another in anger and Raianne fell and hit her head on a rock. We know the girl who was involved as well which makes it even more tragic. Raianne left behind two young toddlers.

Needless to say when we met the children in the streets they were upset and pensive. Whenever something like this happens, the question about their own mortality becomes alive. Raianne had survived many dangerous situations in the streets but it only took a misplaced rock to end her life.

Nobody wanted to talk when we arrived, but they did not ignore us as well. It seemed like they wanted us to be there but they did not know what to say to us. We stayed and waited. Then Eduardo, one of the older teens, opened up. He asked us what happens to our soul when we die. He wanted to know whether we lose our identity or does it remain intact. This started a long and serious conversation about God, life, and the resurrection. Our conversation lasted for almost an hour and it was truly a conversation and not an one-sided lecture. Personally, we were amazed at the profundity of the questions Eduardo asked.

One of the things he wanted to know was whether our memories remain with us for eternity. He especially wanted to know that if we would remember negative events and continue to bear grudges against the people that hurt us for eternity. His concern about this made sense. Eduardo’s life has not been easy. He has been in the streets since he was a young child and it was unfair circumstances that brought him here. He wants to shake all the negatives memories of his life and live a new life. He doesn’t want to continue a life of crime, but he is big and intimidating looking young man who is 19 years old. Not many people want to give someone like him a chance. He does not rob but we suspect that he deals in drugs. However, despite his tough exterior, there is a tenderness in this young man. He wanted to know if, in the afterlife, he would be free from all the baggage of this difficult life.

Speaking about the afterlife is not easy. No one can speak authoritatively about this subject. We told him that we can only speculate but we can know something about Resurrection because there is One person who resurrected from the dead. The Resurrection helped us to address the question about memory. The Resurrected Body of Jesus bore the marks of the hatred and anger, but its resurrected state changed the affects of its scars. We told him that the act of Resurrection is truly a divine act and it can only be understood by faith. Jesus believed that He was to be resurrected by God and this influenced the way He lived his life in the body. He did not succumb to hatred and anger even though he was assailed by these. Instead He chose to find His strength in the Love of God. This Love transformed the scars of hatred into symbols of victory. However, only through faith we can understand the meaning of this.

We told Eduardo that whatever he does in this life with his body will bear the mark for eternity like in the Resurrected Body of Jesus. He can decide in this life what he wants to be remembered for eternity. His past memories do not have to determine everything he becomes now. God is able to take what we have and transform it into a miracle.

Eduardo asked us how our bodies would restored if they suffer decomposition. We told him honestly that no one knows how this is going to work but it is not impossible to imagine God using these materials to create something new and wonderful. This, of course, served as a wonderful analogy of the bad childhood and rejection that Eduardo had and how God is able and willing to use all these materials to create something great. We told Eduardo that the Bible has examples of people whose histories were radically transformed; people who suffered great injustice like Joseph. God used the rejection and injustice and made it into something wonderful. Even St. Paul who persecuted Christians and the Resurrected Christ changed his history forever.

There were several moments of our conversation which moved Eduardo to tears. Perhaps in a strange way, Raianne’s death opened the door for us to speak about Life to Eduardo. I believe that something happened this day. We changed the nature of our relationship with these young people. They know now that we are willing to converse with them on serious and complex questions about Life without pretending to know all the answers. We don’t need to know all the answers and we don’t want to give easy answers. We can only share with them what we have and we have Hope in the Living Christ that transforms our lives in the here and now.

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A Bittersweet Reunion

Better is a little with righteousness than large income with injustice.- Proverbs 16:8

A young woman in her early thirties came up to me while I was talking to a young teenager and she asked if I was staying for good this time. I was taken aback; it was not a question I was expecting from a complete stranger. Then her face began to look familiar. I knew her as a young homeless teenager twenty years ago. Her name is Marcia and she had her fifteen year old daughter, Karin, with her. Marcia named her daughter after one of the German missionaries that worked with us then. I was quite surprised that Marcia remembered me. She told me that she left the streets not long after we left Brazil. She is no longer addicted to drugs nor does she engage in any criminal activities: all of this is in the past. Now she works hard to make ends meet. She has three children and she is recently unemployed. However, she has been doing odd jobs and selling sodas in the streets to help pay the bills. She was in the center doing exactly this. Before she left she told me that she will never forget the day we took her to a picnic with us in a local state park. I can’t hardly remember that day, but for her it was an occasion that marked her soul. I was happy to reconnect with Marcia and I wrote to our friend, Karin, about her. She delighted that Marcia named her daughter after her.

I had a second encounter with our past yesterday.

We found a small community of homeless people who invaded an abandoned park and use old wood and cardboard boxes to build shacks there. There are about a hundred people living there. Most of the older homeless teens have moved to this place. They call this place the Tent. The Tent has a gate and only those who are invited can enter and remain here safely. It is quite dangerous as some of the occupants are robbers and drug dealers. We were invited to this place. It is not exactly a slum area even though it looks like one. There are many children here and we do activities with the children in hopes of stopping the children from making the transition from the Tent to the streets. There are many drugs dealers here but they have their children with them. There are also many here who just want a home or place to live. Some of our older teens fall into this category.

While we were talking to a young boy, a woman came to us and asked if we were missionaries. Again, the question threw me off because most of the time people think we are a social agency, not a church. She saw my confusion and smiled and told us that she remembered us when she was thirteen years living in the streets. She is thirty three now. Her name is Glacia. She has five children but only two are with her. She gave up the street life and does not smoke or drink any alcohol. She decided that she wanted something better. She worked as a maid in another city and lost her job recently. She returned to São Paulo, but was not able to get a job here as well. She moved to the Tent because there is a possibility that the people here will be moved to a housing project. No one knows if this will ever happen but this is their hope.

Twenty years ago, Mary and I worked among the homeless children in the same area. There were about two hundred children concentrated in one particular section in the red light district. Marcia and Glacia were two of these children. I asked Glacia what happened to most of the children. She said that most of them are dead. They were involved in crimes and eventually were killed by violence or drugs. There were only a few that were alive and these were the ones who chose to leave the streets. To tell you the truth, the reality of what she said did not hit me until much later. Perhaps I did not want to believe it. However, when we worked with these children and teens twenty years ago, we always thought that most of them would end up dead if they did not leave the streets. Those who left the streets continue with life’s struggle. There is no fairy tale ending for any of them. Most of them continue to live in abject poverty. Marcia and Glacia struggle to make sure that their children do not go to the streets like them. Glacia lost two of her children because she could not take care of them. She did not have the means. She gave them up for adoption.

Life continues to be hard but it does not mean that they are hopeless. Glacia hopes to get a home in this city. It does not matter if it is tiny and even in the worst neighborhood. She wants a roof for her children. I think she will get it. She has managed to stay afloat all these years even though she barely earned enough to pay the rent. She managed to stay off the streets. She is determined to survive. Marcia will make it as well. Both of them won’t be millionaires but they are true survivors. We are proud to be part of their lives. They give me courage to press on. Their lives put everything in perspective for me. The challenges I face are nothing compared to their daily struggles. Yet they remember the simple things we did for them.

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Self-Destruction or the Truth: A Good Friday Meditation

And one of them, Caiaphas, being high priest that year, said to them, “You know nothing at all, nor do you consider that it is expedient for us that one man should die for the people, and not that the whole nation should perish.”- John 11:50

Jesus answered, “You say rightly that I am a king. For this cause I was born, and for this cause I have come into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears My voice.”- John 18:37
Jesus said, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”- John 8:32

Caiaphas thought that he was saving the nation when he persecuted Jesus. We often overlook this part but the High Priest believed that he was doing something good and he ended up trying to destroy Life itself.

This is not just the unfortunate paradox of Good Friday, but it is the tragic reality of life. People who desire to lead a happy and free Life are the very ones who engage in a self-destructive lifestyle. These are not your drug addicts or common criminals. Caiaphas and the crowd that shouted, “Crucify Him!” were not such people. They were people who wanted the best things in Life and they ended up destroying the only One who could lead them to Life itself. They were not evil people: they were blind to the Truth. They refused to listen to the Truth.

Pilates asked, “What is the Truth?”-John 18:38

Jesus never answered Pilate. Jesus was not ignoring him. The question was a good question but Jesus did not have an answer to it. For Pilate, the Truth is a “what”. Pilates was expecting a teaching or a a doctrine.  However, for Jesus, the Truth is a person. You cannot teach a person to someone. They have to meet the person who know him or her. The Truth is a person.

Until we meet the Truth, we will engage in self-destructive habits. We will settle for false notions of happiness because only Truth can lead to freedom and happiness. When we talk to the crack addicts or the homeless children, as well as adults, they will say that they are the only ones who have freedom. For them, they think true freedom and happiness is being able to do what one pleases. There are some who engage in criminal activities because they want money to buy fancy clothes and have the latest technology. For them, true happiness is having possessions and being respected for what you have. They are no different from your average person except that we can see the self-destructive consequences of their mentality in a clear and distinct way. The affluent are able to hide their self-destructions more effectively. In the gospel account, the religious authorities were walking the path of self-destruction because they believed that the path of happiness was in upholding religious doctrines. Being religious, whether Christian or otherwise, is not a guarantee of the knowledge of Truth. If we believe that the truth is a “what”, then we won’t be able to recognize the Truth that is a “who”.

Today we remember that the Truth was hanging on the Cross. It seems like an irony that the Truth that set us free could not set Himself free. It is a stumbling block and it sounds like foolishness. However, before we receive the Truth, we need to know that Life without the Truth is a life that leads to death. It is a life of self-deceit. It a life that is full of contradictions. Jesus was the Truth that sets us free from our lies and we need to see the consequences of our lies in order to embrace the Truth. The truth is that our lies destroy the very essence of Truth in our midst. However, Truth is greater than the power of lies. In order to discover this, we first have to go to the foot of the Cross.

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Remembering a Life

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.-Isaiah 40:11

Natasha has been in the streets for almost six years. The team has known her since she first came to the streets. She always kept to herself and was unresponsive to us. In fact, sometimes she would be downright unfriendly. She was never said anything rude to us. She would just simply ignore us. She was quite a difficult person. About a week ago, we had a volunteer come out to the streets with us. For some reason, Natasha decided to engage her. She opened up about her past and her family. She said that her mother left her house and disappeared one day and this was her catalyst to coming to the streets. This was the first time she has ever shared anything personal.

Last Monday, we went to the streets in the evening and the first news we heard from the teens was that Natasha had passed away. They were quite disturbed and shaken by it. She had been sniffing paint thinner and then all the sudden she just collapsed and was unconscious. They rushed her to the hospital but it was too late. She was sixteen years old.

Her family claimed her body and buried her immediately. There were only four people at the funeral. She is laid down to rest in an unmarked grave. No one in the streets was informed or welcomed to the funeral. The teens were quite devastated.  They wanted to say their final farewell to their friend. They were visibly affected by her death. They caught a glimpse of their own mortality. They saw how easy it was to be gone and forgotten without a moment’s notice. They did not want their passing to to be like Natasha who was buried without a tear shed and maybe in a few weeks she won’t be remembered anymore.

No one would claim that Natasha was an angel. However, despite her faults and shortcomings, she was still a gift from God to this world. We cannot just simply ignore this fact. Every Life is a gift from God. A Human Life is God’s gift to reveal His Love to us in a rational manner. Therefore, it is precious and important. Perhaps Natasha never understood that she was precious to God. Most likely she did not think she was worth anything to anybody. However, she had something to reveal to us about God. Now she is gone. That something about God that only she can show us is also gone with her.

Natasha never lived to her full potential. She never realized that she had a potential. However, we want to acknowledge before God that we appreciate the gift of Natasha in this world. We want to remember her as such. Her death has made us mature in the understanding of ministry here. We are God’s instruments to let these children and adults know that they are not biological mistakes but God’s precious gifts to this world. They have something to offer to this world and they need to allow God’s love to help them express this gift to the world clearly.

 

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Thoughts on the Passing of my Father

“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”- Ephesians 6:2-3

One of the toughest things about being in foreign missions is leaving behind loved ones. It did not take long for me to realize that life goes on for my friends and families even when I am not there. Life waits for no one and it keeps moving on until death comes along. Death has a way of making us come to a standstill and ponder life.

Last Sunday evening, my week looked like any ordinary week. We had our ministerial work planned out for the week. I had some plans to complete reading some books so that I could start on a new one. I already had ideas about my blog postings. Then Monday morning the call came. My sister called to say that my father had suffered a heart attack and was on the way to the hospital. While she was going into the details, she received another phone call.  My father had passed away there and then. He was 86 years old. There was silence between us and a sense of emptiness.

My father was living in Singapore and I have been away from Singapore for twenty years. All these years, I have never lived in the same continent as my father. Yet it was comforting to know that he was in Singapore. He was part of my spiritual foundation. Now he is gone.

My father was a hardworking man, but not more so than the average person. He was a product of his time and culture. Outwardly, there was nothing spectacular about him that would set him apart from the others. Every night before he went to bed when he thought that all the children were asleep, my father would pray by himself quietly. I was born a night owl and I would stay awake and spy on my father praying. I observed how he prayed quietly and it sounded like he was mumbling some secret words. I waited for him to go to bed and I would mimic his actions. I would make soft mumbling sounds which I thought was the magic of prayer. Thankfully, I matured in my prayer life and learned how to pray, but my father was my first teacher.  It was my father’s quiet spirituality that thought me to be aware of God’s presence. My father never intentionally taught us about prayer. He never tried to encourage us to pray. He did it through his actions. He just lived his life and his spirituality was the foundation of all his actions.

As a committed Catholic, he went to church every Sunday even though he was not a big fan of the Roman Catholic Church. However, he always joked about leaving the Roman Church to join the Anglican Church which horrified my mother. In his humorous way, he added fuel to the fire by threatening to take me along to the Anglican tradition. I was only seven years old then. Eventually I did join the Anglican Church and it was my father who was horrified. Then I made things worse when I told him that I wanted to be an Anglican priest ( I was 20 then). He was not happy about it but he knew that it was beyond his control. Then my mother passed away from cancer. It was during this time that my father had a change of heart. He saw my vocational calling in a different light. I discerned that my priestly vocation was leading me to the mission fields in South America and my father accepted my decision without any resistance. The day I left for missions, he asked if he could go to the airport to say goodbye. My father is not one to do things like this. However, he wanted to be there so that I would know that I am going to missions with his blessing. I left Singapore in 1993 for missionary work and I knew that I wouldn’t return to live in Singapore anymore. I knew that it would be the last time I would live on the same continent as my father. My father knew this as well, even though we never spoke about it.

The things that I remember most of my father now are those things that reflect his quiet spirituality. He was compassionate person. He had a strong sense of justice and he did not hold a grudge against anyone. He lived during the Japanese Occupation of Singapore. He was traumatized by the cruelty that he had witnessed. Yet, he was not bitter against anyone. I attributed all this to the quiet time he spent in prayer. He did not ask God to change his situation or circumstances. My father prayed to be aware of God’s presence in his life. This is the legacy I received from my father. I pray everyday to be aware of God’s presence where I serve.

Francis Dass    September 1,1927-February 10, 2014

 

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