forgiveness

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On Forgiveness

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

Novinha was upset that we didn’t get her a gift on her birthday. It wasn’t even her birthday. It was just jealousy. Her birthday was several months ago. However, it was the birthday of another girl. We got her a notebook. We have known this girl for several years. There is a strong bond between us. On the other hand, we barely knew Novinha. She lived in the streets but she hardly spoke to us. She was just not interested in us. This was fine with us. Not everyone wants to be our friend and we certainly don’t want to force ourselves upon anyone. However, Novinha was imposing. She demanded a present for birthday that was long gone. She kept insisting. Eventually, it became unbearably annoying. She was not a young child or teenager. She was about 23 years old. Her behavior was unbecoming of her age. Perhaps it revealed her true reality. It was something we never considered at that moment. Her persistence forced me to give a brutally honest answer. I told her that we give gifts to people whom we know. This was the truth. Gifts are something that flow out of a relationship. However, it was not the right time to say it. It wasn’t said in love. I was annoyed with her. I just wanted her to stop with her demands and it worked. The fact was that we never warmed up to Novinha. We were always disturbed by her attitude. She is a mother of a toddler. Often times, she brings her child to the streets where the child is exposed to all the vices of the streets at a young age. It is not uncommon for her to leave the young child unattended while she sniffs paint thinner. It is easy to dislike someone like her.

After this conversation, Novinha ignored us completely. Sometimes she would walk pass us without acknowledging our presence. We would try to say something to her sometimes and she would give us a weak response. She had lost all interest in us. The relationship just kept gradually deteriorating. Nothing happened to make it better. Then one day, all of the sudden, there was forgiveness. She forgave us first. She approached us and asked to play a game together. Surprisingly, we had a good time together. Then several weeks later, we ran into her with a stranger in the streets. She told us that he was her friend from Columbia. In her introduction, she reminded her friend that we are the people whom she often speaks about. This was strange. We never imagined that she would have such consideration for us.

Things between us got eventually better. Somewhere along the line, forgiveness took control of the situation. We forgave her for being obnoxious. We forgave her for being an irresponsible mother. We forgave her for being demanding. These conceived thoughts we had of her were hindering our relationship with her. We had to release them. She had to release her image of us. Maybe she thought that we did not have room for her in our hearts. She interpreted our actions according to her concept of us and we did the same. We needed to forgive each other in order to discover the true character of each other.

We started talking more often. We discovered that she was born into homelessness. Her mother was a crack addict and she lived most of her life in the streets or in the state orphanage. She never had much of a childhood. She did not say this about herself. She wasn’t aware that there is such a thing as childhood. She was exposed to drugs and violence and abandonment since she was an infant. Now she is a mother. It would be unfair to expect her to act like a perfect mother when she had very limited resources.

This year we bought Novinha a gift on her birthday. Actually it was something Mary made for her last birthday. We did not forget her birthday last year. Even though she hardly spoke to us, we still had a small gift for her. Unfortunately she was nowhere around to receive her gift then. Weeks turned into months before we finally saw her. Since she did not speak much to us then, giving her the gift out of context would be awkward. We even told her about it when she was persistent about buying her a gift. She did not believe us then. However, when we finally gave her gift on her birthday this year, she received it with a timid smile. She did not say much, just enough to show that she appreciated it. A couple of days later, she approached us and asked us for help about a situation regarding her child. She really wants to be a good mother. She is aware that she needs to change many things in her life. It wasn’t our conversations that made her realize this. It was within her all along. Perhaps she just needed someone with whom she can share these things; someone outside her circle who would understand her plight. She needed some resources to help her make these changes, They are available to her but she is afraid to go to these places alone and ask for help. She asked if we would go with her. She is not afraid to do the talking. She just needs someone to be with her in these places.

Our relationship with Novinha was a strange journey. We didn’t like it at first. We thought that it was going nowhere. Then forgiveness came into the picture. It gave us a new direction. It changed how we looked at this young woman. We thought that she was an unfriendly person and an irresponsible mother. She was really an abandoned child who is a little lost and afraid in this world and yet she wants to have the courage to do the right thing in this life. She still brings her child to the streets occasionally. Now, we can say something to her about it and she listens. She wants to do what is best for her child. Forgiveness opened our eyes to see this. It wasn’t a gift she was demanding in that unpleasant encounter. She wanted a relationship. I am glad she forgave us first. It made us realize that we needed to forgive as well. This is how it all works. Mistakes abound but forgiveness…it is just a wonderful gift from God. When we receive and use this gift, our eyes are opened to see people for who they really are.

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What does Charleston have to do with São Paulo?

Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.- I Corinthians 1: 20-24

The news reached São Paulo; nine people were killed in Charleston, S.C. in Emanuel African Methodist Church. They were killed by someone whom they had welcomed with open arms. They chose to see beyond racial and cultural barriers and receive him as their brother in Christ. They even told him that they enjoyed having him there. Even after all these, he turned around and murdered them in cold blood. It did not take long for this tragic event to be used as a platform for some political position. Debates about gun control were rekindled. Discourse about racial issues popped up. Statistics were used to prove each other’s point. In the midst of all this, the people who were directly involved refused to be drawn into these impersonal arguments. Instead, they showed the world what it means to live in the world and not be of the world. They reflected the true meaning of being a follower of Christ. They lifted up the Cross in their hearts. For those who are blinded by power and violence, the Cross was, perhaps, the last thing on their minds. However, for Emanuel AME Church, it was the source of their strength to overcome this absurd situation. It is absurd because no explanation can bring any logic to the situation. It was a work of a mind that is overshadowed by hatred and pain. We don’t need to venture into the mind of the killer. There is nothing interesting there. The families of the victims, on the other hand, have something powerful to show us. They have allowed the Light of the gospel to shine through their lives so much so that we are sensing their glow and warmth in our ministry in São Paulo.

The Light of the Gospel compelled Emanuel Church to welcome a complete stranger into their midst. They welcomed him because they knew that it was an opportunity to share God’s love to a complete stranger. However, each time we invite a complete strange into our community, we also take a risk. They decided that it was worth it for the sake of the gospel. They allowed the Love of God to dominate their actions. God calls His people to reach out to those who labour and are heavy laden.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”- Matthew 11:28

Those who are burdened and heavy laden are not necessarily mentally balanced people. They can be people who are lost and confused. They can be people who have allowed hatred and violence to consume their soul. The message of the gospel is a message of hope and healing for these restless souls. However, it does not mean that they would receive the gospel. The death of Jesus on the Cross was an act of rejection. People rejected the love and hope that Jesus offered. They chose to murder Him mercilessly. Jesus knew the risk but it did not stop Him from showing His love to the people. He calls us to do the same. He calls us to carry the Cross.

A Church that is not willing to risk and receive anyone that walks through their door is not a church that is willing to carry the Cross.

Before this event happened, we talked about opening our home to allow the homeless teens to drop by. Igor has come several times to our home. We know that it is a matter of time before the others would drop in as well. We want them to come here. We want them to know that they are welcome into our household. However, there is always an element of risk. We don’t expect anything bad to happen, but we need to be aware that it is a possibility. We need to ask ourselves whether we want to take this risk. Most importantly, is it worth taking this risk? This is a good question to ask. The people of Emanuel African Methodist Church gave us an answer to that question. They have answered with a resounding “Yes” but not with words. Their answer was given in the powerful act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the most powerful thing one can give. It is more powerful than any weapon. It is more powerful than any political discourse or ideas. It is so powerful that it reveals a strength that only can come from beyond. The good news is that this strength is available to all those who are willing to carry the Cross. The gospel never guaranteed that we will be be safe from danger. There is really nothing in this world that can keep us safe from violence. No guns and laws can keep us safe from danger. However, the gospel can give us the strength to forgive. Being able to forgive is a divine sign that nothing that happens in this world can destroy our soul. The message of forgiveness that these good Christians in Emanuel Church shared with the world is that they have no regrets about welcoming this violent man in their midst. They are deeply hurt by what he has done, but they have no regrets about welcoming him. They are saddened that their love was not sufficient to bring peace to his disturbed soul. This doesn’t stop them from loving him despite the fact that he took precious people of their own families and friends. Some of them were angry but even in their anger, they said that they will eventually come to forgive. Their goal is forgiveness because they know a God who is able to do exceedingly more than we can ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

What does Charleston have to do with our ministry in São Paulo? Well, everything basically. Emanuel AME Church has shown what it means to carry the Cross in this world. Their faithfulness and love will continue to inspire Christians all over the world to carry the Cross. When we go into the streets or even welcome some of the restless souls in our homes and hearts, we will remember the strength and love of the good people of this wonderful church. We can safely place our lives in the hands of the God and worship together with them knowing that He will always be our strength no matter what happens.

 

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Remembering and Forgetting

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:13-14

The growth process of Life is a process of forgetting and remembering. Consequently, if we hold on to the things which we are to forget and let go of those that are essential for us to remember, then our growth can be become paralyzed. The question is how do we discern the difference.

The above verses were the foundation of our reflection before returning to missions. We have served in this same area before. We came back to this ministry with many good and bad memories from our experiences in the past. They are both capable of holding us back if we don’t discern which ones to forget. Some bad memories can help us become better people and some good memories can hold us back from doing better and greater things with our lives. Now, God was calling to do something new and we needed to decide what to forget and what to remember.

Our first experience working with the street children was a very positive experience. We had a wonderful team and we developed a working philosophy that responded to the needs of the homeless at that particular time. The children and teens were open and receptive to us. They recognized our presence as a spiritual force to help them make the transition out of the streets. This was exactly our goal then. In our minds, we have this wonderful image of our past experience and how much of it based on reality, we can never tell. Nevertheless, Mary and I would describe it as one of the best times of our lives. However, it would be mistake to hold on these memories and attempt to recreate them in our present situation. Many things have changed. We cannot impose the same working philosophy in our ministry as we did twenty years ago. The children and teens are different. Society has changed. We have changed. We remember the good things of the past, but we need to forget them as well. We remember them to remind ourselves where we came from, but we need to forget them so that we don’t try to recreate the past in the present. The present holds something new for us.

No experience in life is complete without bad experiences. We look back in the past and remember mostly good times because we want to forget the bad times. I don’t even feel like writing about them at this moment. However, I do remember them vividly. I wish that by not talking about them maybe they will go away. Unfortunately, they are still lurking somewhere in my past and waiting for the opportunity to come out and instill fear in my heart. I have come to realize that maybe I should not forget these moments and put them in their context. They cannot harm me. I am still here. This means these negative experiences did not hinder me from being where I am today. More important than this, God has helped me overcome these moments. It does not mean that I escaped the pain and suffering which is part and parcel of a negative experience. However, they lack the power to destroy the person that God wants me to become. This is the part I need to remember. I cannot remember this without recalling the negative experiences. I had the privilege of knowing some wonderful people who suffered in the concentration camps during the war. They remember the horrific experience vividly, but in their remembering, they reveal a strength that is able to overcome all the odds. They have the courage to remember because of this strength and it is the same strength that makes them move to conquer greater victories in life.

Our children and teens are not living in the streets because they are rebellious or poor. They are in the streets because of a trauma they experienced. Most of them want to forget this. They want to just remember the good times and they attempt to recreate the good times through artificial means. Yesterday, Igor shared with us about his parents for the first time. He said that he has no recollection of his father. He has never even seen the picture of his father. As for his mother, he said that he remembers her clearly even though he was eight years old when she was murdered. He remembers every detail of her face. He also remembers the details of his life in the streets and the times he spent in detention centers. He remembers the harsh and negative words spoken to him. He remembers the looks people gave him when he walked in a store. He remembers the rejection and the hatred. He remembers meeting us in the streets. He remembers the things we said to him. He remembers too many things. Some of them might become a burden for him to live in the present and move towards to future. He needs to forget some things and only remember those things that are necessary for his growth.

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