loving your neighbor

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Truly Loving in a Difficult Situation

Jesus prayed, “when I was with them in the world, I was keeping them in Thy name; those whom Thou hast given to me I did guard, and none of them was destroyed, except the son of the destruction, that the Writing may be fulfilled.” John 17:12 (Young’s Literal Translation)

The verse above is taken from a prayer that only Jesus can pray. We cannot appropriate it. We cannot use it our prayer books as an expression of our own sentiments. It is something that belongs only to the Son of God. It reveals the humility of Jesus who recognizes His limits. He does not assume that He has the right to demand anything from the Father. Instead He pleads with Him. There is no claim of merit. He admits that He merely takes care of those whom God has given to him. They do not belong to Him but to the Father. He recognizes that He has only one task and stays faithful to it. He has to manifest the Truth to them. This was all He had to do. He has to reveal the Truth to them.

“Truth” has such a complex history. Many things good and unpleasant have been done in its name. Everyone claims to make allegiance to it: religions, sciences, politics, media and even the entertainment industry. For most of these, Truth is a theory or a doctrine or a teaching. In the gospel of John where this prayer is taken from, its author makes it crystal clear that Truth is not a doctrine or some spiritual exercise or political system but He is a person; nothing more, nothing less.

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” ( John 14:6)

It is this truth that brings us to the streets. It is this truth that we constantly discover whenever we are with our children. It is not always easy to accept this Truth. It would be easier if it was just a doctrine. We cannot share this Truth. We have to reveal Him through love. Nothing we say can have any meaning unless His love shines through our hearts. This is the tough part because it is not always easy to love.

I have been doing ministry in the streets long enough to recognize when a criminal activity is about to take place. There were three men walking together looking for a potential victim to rob. The way they walk and communicate with each through quick and silent glances gave them away. They caught my attention. I observed them from a distance. All the sudden one of them made eye contact with me. His face changed and he looked slightly embarrassed, even ashamed. He said something to his companions and then approached us. His name is Bruno.

There are a few “Brunos” in the streets. We met this particular Bruno* when we first got here in 2013. He was incarcerated in the juvenile detention center. He was detained for selling cobbler glue for sniffing. His mother had sent him out to do this. We visited him on a weekly basis. His mother never went to see him once. I met his mother once when she was a homeless teen more than twenty years ago. Now, she has about five children or perhaps more. I can’t remember exactly. They were all forced into the “family business.” It is not organized crime. It is very disorganized and involves selling cobbler’s glue for almost nothing. With the little she earns, she manages her household. There are some mental issues too. Bruno was basically born into criminality. I would describe him as gentle and soft-spoken. We celebrated his sixteenth birthday in the detention center. Mary made some special cupcakes for him. We visited him over the course of a year. Eventually, we lost contact with him until recently. He is back in the streets. He looks the same but he is 20 now. He saw us and said that he remembered our simple birthday celebration with him.

Before he was released from the detention center, Bruno asked the staff to place him in a shelter. He thought that his home would just be a reentry back to a life of crime. I have to say that counsellors of the center tried their best to find a shelter for him. Unfortunately, they was unsuccessful. Bruno went to his mother’s house. Now he is part of a gang of robbers.

It is hard for us to imagine that this gentle young man would hurt someone for money. Unfortunately, he is indeed that kind of person. He is part of a dangerous gang. There are two sides of Bruno and they are irreconcilable. I cannot pretend to see only the good side of him. It would be dishonest of me especially when I claim that I am here to proclaim the Truth. I need to face the harsh reality. I know that I am not alone in this dilemma. There are prison chaplains who serve the vilest criminals. They have to struggle not to despise those whom they serve. I don’t despise Bruno. We have a strong affection for him but I hate what he does. Not just him, there is another older teen in this gang of robbers with whom we actually have very close relationship and it breaks our heart to know that they are contaminating their souls doing such things. We still love them but we cannot pretend that they are not dangerous and a menace to society.

When I read the prayer of Jesus, it made me wonder how did Jesus love Judas knowing that he would eventually betray him. Jesus did not treat him any different from the rest. He recognized Judas as one of those whom God has given to Him.

Jesus said, “It is the one to whom I give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” So when he had dipped the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas son of Simon Iscariot. John 13:26

In ancient cultures, when the host personally served you a bread he had dipped, it was a sign of intimacy and honor. The rest of the apostles took this for granted and they disregarded the fact that at that particular moment that Jesus was pointing out the traitor to them. Jesus loved and cared for Judas like the rest of them. Judas was the son of destruction and Jesus could not do anything about it. It is strange to even write these words. We think of Jesus as always doing the impossible. However, even God respects the boundaries that He has set. He won’t intervene in our decisions but He still loves us despite our bad choices.

Bruno came up to us and hugged us. He has a strong affection for us and the feeling is mutual. At the same time, there is a gnawing sentiment of disdain within me knowing that he is capable of doing harm to innocent people. I realize that I am also like a Bruno, a torn and divided person. I am not any different from anyone in this world. God wants us to be in the world but not of the world. Perhaps I take comfort in the prayer of Jesus knowing that He still prays this prayer for us.

“Holy Father, keep them in Thy name, whom Thou hast given to me, that they may be one as we are one.” John 17:11

Jesus loved Judas despite knowing what he would do. There was compassion in his words when he said that it would have been better if he was never born (Matthew 26:24). The person who suffered most in the act of betrayal was Judas himself. He will always be remembered for this one thing. His suicide revealed that he never understood the depths of Jesus’ love. Bruno is not Judas nor are the other young men we know that are involved in crime. We can’t see into their future. This is a good thing. However, we need to allow the Holy Spirit to help us become one with Jesus and learn to love with compassion those who do things that grieve our hearts.

 

 

*This is a post I made about Bruno and his mother in 2014.

http://spmercyministry.com/2014/09/18/tragic-tales-of-three-mothers/

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Lessons on Being a Neighbor in Small Spaces

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.” Matthew 22:34-40

I rode the elevator with my neighbor. We have lived next door to each other for than a year. I have only seen him once or twice. We felt a little awkward being forced together in a small space. We did not say anything to each other and perhaps we were ashamed that we had nothing to say to each other. Obviously, we were anxious to get to our floor. When the door opened, we gave each other a weak smile and nod and then went into our own apartments. We were free again to be alone and apart from each other.

Mary and I were in the elevator with some of our children a weeks ago. It was the first time for us. We haven’t been in a situation where we needed to be in a building together. However, this was a special occasion. Children day’s in Brazil falls on October 12th. Here the day is honored and celebrated with events and parties for children. A social agency decided to hold a party for our children and teens. Ruan insisted that we go with them and even made a special invitation for us. So there we were crowded together in a small space. There were at least 8 people this time. The party was on the 5th floor. Ruan was practical leaning on me. Then he did something unexpected. He rested his head on my shoulder. The other teens from the streets were with us. They did not say anything or even think that it was strange. I think that they would done the same. They can be very affectionate. A regular teenager of the same age wouldn’t do this even with his father. Ruan did not mind showing his affection with me. I did not mind being in the elevator with him. There was no awkwardness. I wasn’t waiting for the door to open to rush out. Ruan is my neighbor too but he lives miles away from my apartment. I feel comfortable with him. My next door neighbor lives in close proximity to me but there is a distance between us.

Jesus said that I should love my neighbor as myself. Love in itself is a complicated thing but loving another person as myself raises the bar. The traditional idea of love which I held onto to once doesn’t seem suffice.

Loving someone means desiring goodwill towards them; this was my answer to anyone who asked me about love. However, it doesn’t quite capture the essence of what Jesus is saying. I can convince myself that I desire goodwill for my next door neighbor without ever talking to him. I really doubt this was what Jesus had in mind when He said that we should love our neighbor. There is a distance between me and my neighbor. I cannot imagine loving him as myself because he is not part of my life. The love of Jesus overcome distances. His love for people was concrete and real. He loved people in a way that He made Himself need their presence. Jesus asked his closest disciples to be with him when He prayed the anguish prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. According to our faith, He is God incarnate. By right, He doesn’t need anyone. Yet He loved people in a way that He always wanted to be with them. He wasn’t afraid of this type of needing people: to allow them into our lives in such a way that it is difficult to imagine life without them.

The way Jesus loved produced something in the lives of the beloved. His love restored their humanity. The people who were once forgotten suddenly felt that they were important to God because of Jesus. They had a renewed zest for life because of His Love. Nothing of this sort was happening between me and the man who lived next door. There are too many obstacles between me and my neighbor.

The obstacles are there because we feel that we don’t need each other. We have our apartments. We have our hobbies. We have created a world for ourselves that excludes needing anyone. I don’t what he does in his home but I have enough things in mine to forget that he exists next door. On the other, Ruan has no possessions. He has some cards and letters that he treasures. He asked us to keep them for him because he knows that he will lose them in the streets. Homelessness doesn’t allow any room for personal possession. In a strange way, it creates less hindrance and distractions between us and the children. There are no material things to replace human interactions in their lives. The children and teens don’t need us in the material sense. They have their basic needs met by other social groups or random strangers. They have a different relationship with these people. It is based on a physical need and when the need is met, the relationship becomes meaningless. We don’t provide any material things. We are just there and they come to us. They want to be with us as much as we want to be with them. They need us as much as we need them but not because we gain some material benefits. There is an exchange between us but it is beyond material needs. When we are together, we feel like our world is complete. Perhaps, this is what it means to be reconciled.

When we go to the streets, we sit at the square and wait for them. They come on their own. They know that they don’t have to but they come to us and spend time with us. Recently, they made us overstay our usual time. We were with them until it got dark. We did it happily. We were not trying to rush back to our apartment. We don’t mind spending time with these children and teens because they are our neighbors. They have become part of our lives. Jesus has used these children and teens to teach us what it means to love a neighbor according to the gospel. They are people that you allow to become an integral part of your lives. Their relationship gives a new understanding of the meaning of life.

It is easier to love the children and teens than our next door neighbor. We thought that we are going out to the streets to teach the children about the gospel. However, I am discovering that Jesus is using them to teach us to remove the obstacles that separate us from our neighbors. Ruan was not afraid to show me that he enjoyed being with me. On the other hand, I can’t even think of something to say to my next door neighbor. Maybe it is time to allow the Holy Spirit to help me remove some of the barriers I have put between me and my neighbor. I don’t how to do it. Frankly speaking, I am not sure if I want to do it. However, I don’t want to miss out on life. Our life has become richer because we were open to the children. When Ruan put his head on my shoulder, it was special. I don’t want my next door neighbor to do the same. That would be very strange. However, I would like to learn how to love him as myself.

 

 

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