patience

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Wasteful Living

While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head. Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume?”-Mark 14:3-4

We were just sitting in the square waiting for the children and teens. It was too hot for us to walk around looking for them. There was no one around yet but we know that they always come to this particular square. We just decided to just wait. Today we did not bring much stuff with us. We just had some coloring books and we wanted to do a quiet activity. We figured that if we started coloring without them, maybe they might just come and join us without any prompting from us. Sure enough, our quiet activity attracted someone. It was a lanky teenager named Filipe who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He has lived in the streets for a long time. He just turned 18 but he still acts and behaves like a child. I don’t mean that he is immature. He has been to maintain his innocence throughout this time. It is quite a miracle. Filipe always has a smile for us. He treats us with the uttermost respect but at the same time, he is one of the most closed teenagers. He hardly shares anything about his past and rarely participates in any activity with us. We were really surprised when he asked if he could color as well. We had a coloring book that was for older teens and adults and it was supposed to be a therapeutic coloring book. All I can say about it was that it was very relaxing for me to just sit there and color. Filipe sat down next to us and started coloring in silence. Then Dreyson appeared. He is another tough teenager. He always high on something and it is hard to engage him in any conversation. He watched us quietly for a while sniffing paint thinner in a plastic bottle. He decided to put away the paint thinner and asked if he could color as well. A few others came and did the same. We sat there in the square coloring different figures and pictures. It must have been strange for those who walked by us. Some must wonder why we are wasting our time coloring when we should be doing something more productive. Well, it was a good afternoon of holy waste. It was productive as well. We were very grateful for it.

A lot of things we do can be considered a waste of time. There are people who might consider missionary work as a waste of time and money. If these people saw us sitting around and coloring, they might even argue that we are proving their point. I won’t try to argue my way out of this one. Instead I will say that they are right. “Yes”, it is a waste of time and money. There are many things we do in life which are a waste of time and money. A church building is a waste of time and money. Why do we need to have a building to meet? For that matter, why do we even need to meet together for worship? In this age of internet and technology, wee can just transmit all that we need to hear and see through the computer or mass media. There is no need for buildings, no need for priests or ministers. In fact, is there really a need for religion? Many secular groups can do charitable works. We don’t need the church to do these, things. We have counselors who are better trained to help people than priests and ministers. If we were really pragmatic, we don’t need many of things we spend time and money on in this world. Even prayers can be considered a waste of time. Jesus Himself said that God knows what we need before we pray, so why bother praying? There are also other things we do on a daily basis that can be considered a waste of time and money, like reading, drinking coffee, and watching TV. There are a lot of things in life that do not appear to be necessary. If we did away with all these things Life would be colorless and empty. Perhaps, what appears to be a waste might be necessary to help us appreciate that which is precious and wonderful in Life.

Perhaps I could be doing something else with my life at this age than sitting on the filthy floor of a square and coloring with kids. This might appear to be a waste of talent. However, for us, it is one of the most enriching moments of our life. Filipe got done before the rest and he sat there with the rest of the children and took out a bible from his bag. He started reading from the Psalms. I never knew that he had a bible and he liked reading from it. When I asked him if he had a favorite Psalm, he smiled and said that he liked whatever he read. Another older teenager, Caio started sharing that he loves to listen to the street preachers just to hear something significant and then he shares it with the others. Filipe then took out a book about a drug addict who managed to kick his addiction through the strength of his faith. He gave the book to Mary and asked if she would read it and then talk about it with them. Dreyson also started opening up. He shared about his family. He told us that he has eight brothers and sisters. His younger brother, Daniel, also in the streets, has a twin sister living at home. He talked about his life at home and this was the first time he shared anything personal with us. He just did it without any prompting from us. I could go on and on but I won’t. All my years of seminary training has never really taught the lesson I think I am learning in the streets that intentionally ‘wasting time’ to be with people can be very productive. We felt such a strong bond being fostered between us and the children. They figured that if we were willing to waste our time by sitting around with them that they must be special to us. There is no other way to show how special someone is to us unless we are willing to put away so called important things and just waste time with them. What others perceive as waste is worth its price in gold in the language of Love.

The message of the gospel is a message of Holy Waste. God wasted His Son’s life for the very people who murdered Him. It was this willingness to throw His life away for a brood of ungrateful people that made the centurion say,“This man truly was the Son of God.” (Mark 15:39) If we never willing to waste our time and energy on people, we will never discover the meaning of the gospel. The Truth revealed in the words of Jesus are found in holy wasting. It is discovered when we give ourselves to doing things or maybe not doing anything for the sake of being with someone whom we love.

A Christian once asked me why he should be helping a missionary work in foreign land when it would not bring any benefit to his local community? I think such a question is revealing. It shows that perhaps we have not understood the depth of the gospel. This person is not ready for missionary work in any shape or form. He needed to understand the gospel first. Not just intellectually, but he has to allow the Truth of the gospel to penetrate into his being. Then he would understand that he wouldn’t be able to experience the depth of God’s love if someone hadn’t wasted their time and energy to bring the Truth of the gospel to him. I am here in Brazil because someone wasted their time to share the power of the gospel to me. The gospel compels us to waste our time for something greater and more powerful than what our physical eyes can perceive. It compels us to see a different set of values present in which there is no such thing as wasteful time when it helps to bring out the true value of one’s personhood.

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Love is a Gift

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins. -1 Peter 4:8

We just received news that Igor was fired from his job.

Seemingly, everything was going well. Igor liked his job and was beginning to get excited about his future. He even considered going to night school to complete his high school education. Then suddenly, we received this disturbing news. We did not hear this from him directly. One of his friends told us about it. We walked past where he worked and sure enough, he was not there. We went home little sad and disappointed that day. We wanted the best for Igor and this job was the right step towards this direction. Now, we were concerned that he might give up on everything.

We went to the project where Igor was living the very next day. As usual, we waited in the lobby as the staff went to get him. Then we heard some footsteps coming down the stairs and it was Ana Paula. She greeted us with a broad happy smile and sat down beside us. We were little surprised by her cheerfulness. We asked her about Igor’s job and she did not appear to know that Igor got fired. She thought that he had given up on his work. After a brief moment of silence, she asked us a surprising question. She wanted to know if we liked Igor. We were a little taken aback. I told her that I hoped that it was obvious. Then she rephrased her question. She wanted to know if we considered him like a son. This was still a strange question and I was trying to read between the lines. I think that she is intrigued by our relationship with her and Igor. She was trying to figure out what motivates us to care about them.

Ana Paula wanted to know if we are especially interested in them because we do not have any children. She was trying to find out if we were fulfilling our paternal desire by caring for them. Well, we are old enough to be their parents. However, paternal desires did not bring us to Brazil. It was something more profound and special. However, at that particular moment I was at a loss of words to express exactly why we are concerned and desire the best for her and Igor. Unfortunately, before we could bring this interesting conversation to an end, Igor came down and the subject was changed almost immediately. We were curious as to why he lost his job.

Igor missed a day of work without informing his boss. He said that he had a good reason. He went to pick up his two year old daughter for the weekend. Ana Paula and Igor lost custody of their child when they were living in the streets. Recently, they gained visitation rights on the weekends. This is just trial period. If they are able to honor these visits for a period of time, the judge might grant them full custody when they move to a place of their own. This is their goal. For Igor, this is one of the most important goals of his life. Unfortunately, Igor does not understand how employment works. He does not know how to prioritize his time, as well as his responsibilities as an employee. I cannot really say that he doesn’t know how to do it because this would imply that he is disorganized. This is not the case. Igor is not aware of what he needs to do as an employee. He knows how to do the work but about the relationship between an employee and employer, he has no idea. He thinks of his employer as a friend. All his life, his relationships are based on friendships. He has never had a relationship with his parents; they died when he was eight and everyone he knows are his friends. He does not understand the concept of having varieties of relationships.We take these things for granted, but most of us learn these things through examples of our parents. One of the roles of parents is to teach us how to relate to the world.

Igor knows how to survive in the streets. In the streets, what was in front of him took precedence. Everyone living in the streets understood this. Naturally, Igor thought that his boos would understand as well. He was disappointed when his boss fired him. He thought that his boss was unreasonable. It was not the right time to tell Igor that he was wrong. It was just time to listen. We have to listen to know what Igor knows and doesn’t know. We can only be his guide if we allow him to show us how to do it.

Ana Paula was perceptive. Igor needs parent-like figures to help him navigate in this world. Perhaps, this is why she asked us if we thought of them as our children. They both need some parental guidance. However, we are not here to be their parents even though this might be the role for this particular period of their lives. One day, they will not need us in this role and we hope that we can still be part of their lives. Our relationship is not defined by roles but it is defined by a gift. This gift does not have a time limit or a specific role. This gift is a gift that keeps expanding. This gift is none other than Love.

We did not generate this gift. We received this gift and each gift comes with a certain responsibility. This is why sometimes it is harder to give away something than to sell it. When we buy something, we don’t have any responsibility to the one who sells it to us. However, Love can only be received as a gift. We cannot receive it without being inspired by its Giver. The Giver shares His gift openly and generously to the world. He gives the gift so that we can do the same. The gift itself becomes more meaningful and powerful each time we share it. In fact, its true value is only appreciated when we share it. Each time we share it, we discover its magnitude and intensity. It opens our eyes to see the beauty of the Giver present in the lives of others. It is not our desire to fulfill certain roles that brought us here. It is this gift that enables us to see the beauty and power of the Great Gift-giver working in the lives of Igor and Ana Paula.

I am not sure that Ana Paula would understand my answer. This answer is perhaps just for me to understand what motivates me to be here.

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Waiting for the Right Time

“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel.”- Mark 1:15

Recently, I watched a youtube instructional video on playing the classical guitar. The very first instructions were to just hold the guitar without playing its strings. This was quite hard because my first instinct is to start strumming on the strings. Just as I was trying to resist the temptation to do this, the instructor said that the problem with many students is that they want to play immediately when they grab the guitar. He seemed to be looking at me when he said this. According to him, this impatience leads to bad habits and poor playing. He emphasized that it was essential for us to know and understand the instrument before rushing into playing it. We were instructed to feel the strings and then to think about what we are going to do and how we are going to do it mentally. Once we get all the steps figured out mentally, only then are we ready to begin. It doesn’t mean that we are going to play beautifully right away. It just means we are ready to begin.

Jesus waited for thirty years before he preached his first sermon on the Kingdom of God. Throughout his ministry, Jesus emphasized in subtle as well as explicit ways the importance of waiting. He did not just wait passively. He submitted Himself to the process of waiting. When he was baptized against the protest of John the Baptist, Jesus said that it was the appropriate way for the time being. John was right; Jesus should be baptizing him instead. However, the waiting process demanded otherwise. Waiting can mean doing things that apparently make no sense to those around us. Jesus spent a bulk of his life as a carpenter. It is strange that there is no explicit reference to his experiences as a carpenter in his teaching. In fact, it seems like they were uneventful years. Why didn’t he start his ministry earlier and die on the Cross at a later age?

Jesus’ ministry did not end at the Cross. The Cross was the beginning of a new phase of His eternal ministry. It marked His transition from prophet and teacher to High Priest and King. As High Priest, He represents not only God to us but also He represents Humanity to God. His qualification to do this comes from the years He spent experiencing all the ups and downs of a regular human being. I guess being a carpenter is as normal as you can get during his time. Regular human life is full of challenges and struggles and everyone has their share of suffering. Jesus is not a High Priest of exceptionally complex cases. He is the High Priest of regular human beings in regular human situations.

He is a High Priest that truly understands human predicament and yet He was able to transcend it. He gives the mundane things in life a new meaning. They are not wasted experiences because they can point us to something that is eternal. Jesus saw that spending thirty years as a carpenter was important. It gave Him the tools to preach the Kingdom of God effectively to the world because He was able to see eternity in the mundane things. If we are unable to see the eternal present in the mundane things, then we won’t be able to preach the Kingdom of God effectively.

‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’-Matthew 25:23

We spend hours in our ministry apparently doing mundane things. Our children and teens are so detached from regular human society that doing these things with them brings them back into human society. However, it doesn’t just end there. These times spent with the children prepare the way for us to preach the Kingdom of God. Most important, they prepare us to discern the Eternal Presence of God in the mundane.

Our time of waiting is a time of training our eyes to see the eternal presence in the mundane.

It is easy to miss the importance of doing these mundane things in preparation to preach the gospel. One of the frustrating things for us is perhaps walking for miles searching for these children and teens. It is even worse on the days when we don’t find them. It is easy to feel as if we have wasted our time. However, occasionally some complete stranger comes to us and tells us that he has seen us walking around looking for the children and he wants to know what motivates us to do such things. The only answer we can give is that the Kingdom of God is here and we are here to testify of its goodness.

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